Once a month, my step son goes to visit his maternal family for the weekend. On that weekend, my husband goes and has a boys weeked, and its just me and our daughter for a couple of days. I'm loving this one on one time with my baby girl, but at the same time I feel guilty. Today Master 10 was sad, not wanting to go, as he knows I plan fun things to keep his sister occupied while every one is away.. (I do all these things with my step son too). This weekend we are off to the bike park to ride and fly a kite, and he's upset that he will be stuck inside doing nothing, and that's the norm for these visits. We have to make him go or we are in breach of orders. I have several plans in the holidays for when he is home, but now he doesn't want to go for the 2 weeks in these holidays with nothing to do. I can't force his maternal family to do fun things with him, but am I wrong in doing fun things with his sister. I have so many fun things planned and paid for while he's home. Should I feel guilty
4 Replies
Teach him that it's nobody's responsibility to entertain him and that's not what family is for. It's a very recent thing that children need to be entertained by their parents, back in the day outings were few and far between like a few times a year. Kids had to learn to entertain themselves. I know not everyone will agree with me but I think there's a problem with the last few generations not being able to entertain themselves and think it's someone else's responsibility to make sure they aren't bored. There's nothing wrong with him "not doing anything" with his maternal side of his family. That's not their job. That's what he has to learn, there should be no guilt or negativity. You don't even need to tell him what you're doing while he's gone that doesn't help at all.
No but you’re wrong for telling him. Why would you do that? Honestly riding and flying a kite isn’t all that exciting, but why tell him when apparently you’re the only one of all his parents who ever does activities with him? Also why is it all you, and your husband takes off? Are you overcompensating on saying how happy and fun this is for you to convince yourself you’re actually happy with it? Of course that will upset him and make him moan and feel negative about going to his other house.
Agree with others, don't tell him, you're just rubbing salt in the wound.
It's almost like you don't want him to want to go.
Also, what expectations have you built into him if he thinks the family have to entertain him?
Kids don't think like that, that's adult thinking.
Why isn't spending time with family good enough these days?
I agree with the others - make it a rule in your household to not talk about these activities in front of him. Also - do you ever get to have a weekend away to do things or is it just your husband?
Further to these points - teach your stepson to start advocating for himself while there. Teach him to ask for what he wants or to even suggest outings. Maybe he could plan a picnic in the park with his maternal family. Teach him that he’s important and allowed to ask for things from this family too. certainly not implying that they are lacking - but maybe because they only have him once a month, they’re not great at these things. Maybe you could help him write a list of all the fun outings/games/activities he’d like to do while over there. He could take it with him and show them when he’s there.