Long winded sorry
When ever we fight, I cook dinner and always serve him a plate as I always do.. He will ask why I'm feeding him, and I always reply with "because I love you". this isn't to end the fight, but because it's true, regardless of a fight. He will sit around and sulk until the tension has settled, and in bed, he will lay as close to me as possible, his way of a sorry I guess. I will want to talk about it but that's pointless.
Some times, when I'm truly insulted, like today, I won't go into detail, I tell him he's doing dinner, then I go to my room, not to sulk, but because I'm so angry, I don't want to say things in the heat of the moment, even though he just blaimed me for the most horrid thing. After every one has eaten, he will send down a child to tell me dinner is ready, I have to dish up my own plate..... I honestly don't think he makes me dinner out of love, but obligation.
He never says sorry, ever. The way he says "I love you" is so routine I can't see or feel any emotion behind it. I no longer see that light in his eyes, and I honestly feel he isn't happy to see me at the end of the day. I can't Rembert the last time he complimented me, in fact, I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. I will say "I love you" and it's followed with "love ya" or "yep". I feel sex is just something we do... I don't feel like we've made love in a while.
We met over 9years ago. He met me while in a manic (I'm bipolar) I was very happy go lucky, loud and full of excitement. That person has come and gone over the years, but I will admit, I'm struggling right now. I used to dress young, sexy... Once kids come along, he commented on how I no longer dressed sexy. I'm no longer a size 10 model, but a plus sized dag. Resently, IV chose to embrace my size, and I hoped he'd comment on my new appearance, but no. I'm dressing sexy for just him, but also myself.
I feel broken, and unloved.
1 Replies
It sounds like you’re a lot more emotionally mature than him. So when you argue, you see it’s an argument but you still see the bigger picture - the love. It sounds like he goes all in on an argument and acts badly and then also doesn’t know how to get himself out of it. That’s not something you can fix in someone else. He would have to do it. I also love that you’re not embracing your body and loving yourself. If you feel he’s bringing you down or not giving anything back then maybe you’ve outgrown him.