I'm lost & don't know who or what to turn to. I'm so sorry if this is long.
I've been under the same roof as my ex for 10 years. We have been separated for around 5 years of that 10. We have 3 kids together, 8, 7, 5 & a 13 year old from a previous relationship of mine.the 7 & 5 year Olds have a series of problems starting with ADHD.
He's just bought a house & of course we've all moved in with him. The house is amazing, it has everything each one of us need & more but he's taken all the happy that this place could of had & ruined it. He's tried to kids us out 3 times in the last 3 months & I am so on edge.
I want out. I'm exausted into my soul. I'm treated like a house maid. I feel as though he doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to either. It's like he likes me being sad & lonely. He won't have conversations with me about money, bills, the kids, my health problems, his health problems, nothing. He doesn't even look me in the eye when he speaks to me. I hate that my kids are growing up not seeing their true Mother. A happy Mother.
I guess my question is what do I do, how do I leave? I have no money to speak of & debts in my name because of him, including a bad name with a rental property we just left, because he just moved us out, no cleaning, no nothing.
I'm terrified of the rental market at the moment but equally terrified of him. He tells & screams at the kids & I every day. If that's not happening,he's giving us the silent treatment. Things sometimes get physical between him & my 13 year old, which I in no way allow but I don't know how to leave.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense or I'm rambling & thankyou for reading.
Help
Help
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
4 Replies
Yes, you do need to leave. If you are separated why don’t you have your own money? Do you get benefits of some kind?
Have you got a mental health care plan for yourself? A psychologist you can talk to?
Have you rung 1800RESPECT I strongly suspect this is a domestic violence situation because you seem so disempowered.
Do you have capacity to work?
There seems to be a lot of missing info, were you forced to leave and not allowed to clean the old property?
What’s happened when you’ve tried to move out on your own before now?
Do you work?
Do you get Centrelink?
It's time to save and make a plan.
5 years living with your ex, I think you need to see a psychologist to help you get your strength back.
You need to get out for you and your kids. This is a dv situation, I'm sorry you're in this position.
After being separated for 5 years he's bought a house and you've all moved with him. Why is this an "of course we've all moved in with him"?. That's actually highly unusual, there's no of course about it. He wants you out of his space. You're separated.
It's not necessarily that he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you. He's literally trying to kick you out of his house. It shouldn't have come to this.
He doesn't have to talk to you about money, bills, your health, his health. As 2 separate people you're both responsible for yourselves and your kids. He has no obligation to. That's it.
I get that it is scary. With a 15 year old son you are at least in your 30's. It's being time to learn those skills you need to forge your own path. It seems more (based only on the tone of your post) at the moment you live in a very unhealthy state of dependency. Is this what your next year, 5 years, 20 years looks like?
Start with Centrelink. Make sure you're getting the right payment.
Then Dr. Get a mental health plan to start putting your head back in order.
Lifeline, Vinnies, women's shelters/services. They offer all sorts of things from financial counselling to helping with accommodation (as you said is a tough market so you may need to move back to family for a while).
Legal advice for a financial settlement. Let's make this separation over and done with hey?
You don't need this bullshit, your kids don't need this bullshit.
You need to go, you need a plan.
It’s not normal or healthy to be living with an abusive ex for 5 years.
He’s lauding that house over you and using that power to hold you all at ransom. No doubt it’s going to be very hard, and devastating- but fuck that guy. Take back control of your life and get the fuck out of there