Hey all. I am a SAHM of 4 young kids. I was a teenage Mum so I am early 20's but I'm no different to any other Mum, I don't leave my kids at all, I don't get extra help, their Dad works away so literally just do it like any other FIFO family only I stay at home. So why do I get so much judgement? I'm really quiet and I don't stick up for myself very much. I've been going to 2 playgroups for a few years now and I haven't made any friends at either of them, they all kind of chat to each other I try and get in the conversation but get talked over or no body talks back. I get back handed comments by one of the Mum's that had to go through IVF to have her kids and she says things like, "It was really hard when I couldn't fall pregnant and seeing these kids having kids". Let's say my name is Milly, another Mum asked when I was going to stop being called that? I asked what she meant, that's my name it's not short for anything. Then she said, "so you're not ready to grow up yet?" At what point do you not bother with playgroup? Are they all like this? I thought I'd find friends from at least one but none. I come away feeling like crap all the time. I don't know anyone here Im just trying to give my kids social interaction so I'm starting to understand why some SAHMs put kids in daycare instead of going to playgroup.
8 Replies
No that’s not normal. And that is shit. So rude and judgemental.
I made some awesome friends at playgroup (eventually! I also didn’t settle in to the first few I tried) I’m a bit older but made friends in 20s 30s, one in early 20s who is not on the same life path as myself, and it’s sad if that puts people off being nice and having a chat and getting to know people at playgroup. Keep trying until you find the nice one, where you fit in.
That isn’t normal at all. Just find another day care & start using your voice. Stuff them! I only ever took my kids to playgroup a few times then didn’t bother. Go to play cafes instead, you’ll meet other parents and kids there.
My ex sister in law had 4 kids by 20! It's not that rare. Some mums are just brutal. I was a teen mum too and it took me a few tries to find a good playgroup.
I am an older mum & copped this in reverse.
If you have a local FB mum's page, perhaps ask there if anyone is interested in meeting up. Ours has constant posts from mums of different ages looking for playdates. They always get multiple replies & some seem to form their own informal playgroups between houses & parks.
God, what a bunch of asshats you've had this misfortune of encountering!
I work in a nursing home and I'd estimate 75% of our lovely residents go by shortened versions of their names. I'm fairly certain the person who said that to you wouldnt have had the guts to tell almost 100 year old Alfie and Flossy who survived WW2 and the great depression that they're childish because they don't go by Alfred or Florence.
These women are bullies, plain and simply. Their children will probably also turn into bullies. I pity them all.
I had my two oldest kids at the age of 18 and 19, so I know exactly the type of snide comments you're getting. I had a family friend viciously tell me that I was a stupid girl and my life was fucked.
My kids are teens now (im in my 30s) and I still get the occasional dumb comment. Last week someone asked me how old my kids were, after I told her she replied with "What, were you like 12 when they were born. Different dad's too?" like it was the funniest thing anyone had ever said. I directly told her that I didn't appreciate those kind of comments and she quickly backtracked.
One thing I wish I had the confidence to do when I was your age was to stand the hell up for myself. I was and still am a damn good mum, I should never have allowed anyone to make me feel like I wasn't.
Don't be discouraged though, I did eventually find a nice little non judgemental playgroup. It was a little more religiously inclined than was my preference and I struggled to find common ground with the parents who were twice my age but the parents and children were at least kind.
You could always think about starting your own as well. One specifically for young/teen mums!
Stay home mums get judged. Working mums get judged. Older mums, young mums, single mums, and women who just plain don't want children at all get judged. Go elsewhere & find your people.
These ones just sound like bitches.
And to all the bitches - just stop it. Shove your judgement up your ass & go deal with little Tommy who's licking shit off the floor.
Completely normal from my experience of being a teenage mum. I had 4 kids before i was 24. I gave up on playgroups and other similar things. Because of my age I was judged, treated horribly and ignored. This type of person is pathetic. I gave up trying for mum friends until my first went to school. Because I had 4 kids, one at school, people just assumed i was older. I found a few friends that way.
I am now 36, my eldest is 18, and I have 4 fantastic, 3 am friends, and that is enough for me.
It's rough going for a while but I got through it.
For my kids to be with others I found a community preschool/daycare. It for 2 days a week 9-3. That was enough for mine. Even just a play at the park when other kids are around is good. You will find your people eventually.
Urgh! That’s horrible. Put your kids and a day or two of daycare (I always found two days was better for them to settle) then go and do something for yourself on those days. Go to the gym. Go do the groceries in peace by yourself. Sit in a coffee shop and read a book or magazine. Motherhood is so lonely sometimes. A little self care will go a long way. Ignore those women. Imagine how bad their lives are that they have to make nasty comments to other mums to make themselves feel good. Good luck.