I have been with my partner for nearly 15 years, it's had allot of ups and downs over this time. The downs have been do with alcohol usage, allot of lying about simply anything, would rather look at Porn than be with me and the most recent lying is him in a chat room asking a woman if she would move to the state we live in, plus a heap of porn watching and downloading etc. Please keep in mind that he has repeatedly told me he doesn't watch/download for years. Has always sworn that he would never cheat. But to make it worse this chat room he's been a member for over 5 years, just found that out. So I'm guessing my gut was right!
I've had my suspicions for years that something wasn't right, we've had many arguments, but could not prove. Well tonight our last argument , he was drunk I waited till he was asleep and grabbed his phone. I'm mentally exhausted from the verbal abuse and lies, the narcisstic attitude towards me when he's drunk. I don't like him at all when he's like it. I feel I live in two different lives.
Well I confirmed that he's been talking to this woman even while around me without knowing via an app, so I took a deep breath and screen dumped everything so he can't deny it. I'm broken, I know my 3x kids will be broken.
I don't know what to do. I have no support at all, I feel as though since this relationship started I've become isolated.
Please help, I have 3 kids to worry about I really don't know what to do now that my worst nightmare is now my reality. I feel numb!
4 Replies
I think the cheating or chatting is actually the least of your problems. What you’re living daily is crushing. It’s no way to live and once you leave, hopefully this will be what it takes for you to do it, you will never want to go back to living with this.
He sounds like a very deceitful person in all aspects. So even if he tried, would you ever be able to trust him again? What would that look like? I think when you think about those questions you will realise there is no coming back from this. This is no longer about him, the focus needs to shift towards you and your children and how to be okay. If you are not feeling particularly strong enough to leave right now then it's about building yourself up until you do feel strong enough. I found DV counselling so helpful and I also spoke to a Social Worker at Centrelink. Take the pressure off yourself to make a decision 'right now', take the time you need and take care of you x
Ewwww get rid of him & you will start to feel less numb and more alive as time goes on. He has probably isolated you. Reach out to family and get them back. Go stay with them and build a relationship for them and your kids. You will have a new lease on life.
If one your children came to you as an adult and told you what you have written what would you tell them to do?
Staying is teaching your children what is acceptable, yes leaving will change your lives but in the long run you and the kids will be happier. Do what you need to do for you, you will find yourself again and be able to breath and not walk on egg sheets with the lying, drinking, manipulative behaviour.