Ever since I had my child, my desire for sex has been at an all-time LOW. I never feel “horny” nor do I ever initiate it. 9/10 I am just doing it to please my husband and to have a physical connection with him. I'm 25 and I wish I enjoyed sex again. I am on hormonal birth control, and I’ve considered switching it out for a non-hormonal IUD. I do not trust us not using birth control so cycle tracking isn’t an option. - has anyone experienced extremely low libido with a hormonal IUD??? If so, Once taking it out did it go back to normal?
Another part of it, is I’m very insecure about how “loose” my lady parts are during intercourse. My husband tells me it feels the same, but I know he’s only saying that to make me feel better. It used to hurt when he would stick a two fingers in me, but now he could easily stick 4 in. That’s a very significant difference. (sorry if that's tmi)
What can I do to help with this? I’m open to all suggestions. I’ve tried Kegels but there hasn’t been much improvement. I went to the doctor and she didn’t give me much advice, other than that “it takes a while for things to return to normal”. My child is almost 2 and it is far from what it was.
No Sex drive for the life of me
No Sex drive for the life of me
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Health & Wellbeing
4 Replies
I don't have kids but I would expect the exhaustion of being a new Mum & all the hormones is probably contributing to your libido.
But what I really wanted to say is: your husband loves you, wants you, thinks you're outrageously sexy and honestly probably DOESN'T think there's a difference in your lady parts.
That's your own insecurities talking (which is totally valid) - but try not to feel so self-concious that it stops you from wanting or enjoying sex.
He's being honest with you - he wants to have sex with the woman he loves, no matter what.
I've been self-concious & embarrassed myself recently, struggling with medication weight gain.
I've come to accept that my fiance honestly doesn't care and still thinks I'm incredibly sexy.
I honestly think that if a man loves you, he genuinely doesn't care about these things. He's just thrilled to be getting some 😂
Yes IUD lowered sex drive and put me through hell emotionally and physically. I would never get one again and it may be also causing physical changes e.g. bloating. I think the listed side effects mention decreased libido also??
Doctor is correct that it takes a long time for things to go back to normal post baby. Is it possible you are also being somewhat hard on yourself with your expectations around this?
I do think there are some Physios who may specialise in women's health but also Yoga/Pilates may help to strengthen those muscles.
For the last 4 years this was me, I just couldn't get the old me back no matter what I did or tried. My husband was starting to feel pretty unwanted.
A couple of weeks ago we had this big heart to heart about everything, I realised that most of my issues came from my confidence, and accepting how my body had changed. My husband has put heaps more effort into telling me how much he loves me and how he loves my body ect ect and I did what I could to start seeing my body in a positive light, I also made more of an effort to touch him and kiss him more in between encounters...low and behold my libido is returning with a vengeance lol.
I read somewhere that foreplay for women starts right after your last orgasm, meaning everything a man does in-between sexual encounters has a big role to play when it comes to our libido.
I sincerely hope this helps, it takes a bit of work but you can get the old you back!
#1 masturbate.
#2 get a pelvic floor tens machine - google it.
#3 switch out that contraceptive, it makes me crazy and it works really well because I never ever want sex and I’m highly driven off of it.
#4 embrace the new you, if you don’t leak urine ect it might be just a natural consequence of having a baby, there’s plenty of friction for him - wouldn’t matter if it was a bucket of custard a guy would find a way! but maybe for you working out with the tens might give you more sensation no matter how “loose” you think you may be.
#5 if you are having problems with leaking urine or passing bowel movements see a GOOD womens health physio, a bad one will wave an US around and tell you to squeeze a muscle you can’t even feel, a good one will help you rebuild your confidence.
Hugs mumma, 2 year olds are tough and tiring, give yourself a break and do something that makes you feel good!