Hey ladies
I’ve been with this man for 20 years, married for 12 and have 3 children ages 6-12. We have been unhappy for a long time but I have stayed with him for the children and easier life for me.
I’ve been so strong with his drinking/verbal/emotional & financial abuse but now it’s crushing me and I want to be free from it. I can’t stand to look at him, I don’t know if I’m going to have to pack the kids up and stay at mums because I come home and he is drinking/yelling.
Also if he does drink at night the next day we are all screamed at for pretty much just breathing. He is just grumpy, angry and so so lazy.
I look after myself, I am a good person - i don’t deserve to be treated this way by him. I will always care for him but I have no love towards him. I feel sad to leave him but this is a result from his behaviour.
He says he wants me dead, hates my face and it is my face that makes him angry. When I am not around he is a better parent to the children.
I’ve realised by staying is teaching my girls that it is ok how he treats me, which is wrong. I need to break free.
We have a house together and a mortgage. 2 cars with loans. I’ve just gotten a school hour job as all girls are now in school. I’ve otherwise been the one looking after the children whilst he went to work.
Where do I even start? He knows I’m leaving him, he told me he won’t move out of the house. It’s so sad I love our house and I don’t want to loose it but I can’t afford it alone.
If you have been through similar I would love to know how it all worked. What are my rights?
I am scared to be alone but I also can’t have his abuse anymore, I am sick of being in trouble every second of my life and my girls deserve better.
Thank you x
2 Replies
If your parents can take you in while you get back on your feet, do that! Go there.
You can sort the legal stuff out from there. But the first step is just that, leaving permanently. Wether that’s to your Mums or to a private rental, that’s up to you.
He may not want to see the kids, but if he does let him organise mediation. If he does take you to mediation I’d be asking for supervised visits.
Financial separation can be sorted later.
He should leave the house and you stay in the house with your girls till it’s sold. If not then maybe stay with friends or family till house gets sold.
I used a lawyer right away and one that didn’t charge till end of settlement so I was never out of pocket with him.
Go get your own account and start having your pay paid into that also Centrelink if u get it change to your own account and let them know you are separating and contact child support if you are planing on buying a little unit or something for you the girls you will know show a steady income for 3 months and they include child support so helps for a loan.
My ex bought a big house for him I have a small little 2 storey townhouse but my kids call mine home it’s not the house that makes it it’s what’s inside that make it a home I was sad to leave my beautiful house but my god do I love my little place now all mine!!
Best thing would be see a lawyer right away I tried all the free stuff etc wait time was far too long I needed this done. I stayed in house while we sold it and he went to his parents.
My kids struggled at first although knowing why was hard on them I hated what they were seeing and didn’t want my girl thinking this how you should I be treated and my boy thinking That’s how you treat someone.
Now they say they wouldn’t want it any other way and are thriving. You can do it but get good legal advice and someone who charges at the end of settlement. It was the worst and best year of my life when I left my partner/ husband of 17years! Good luck mumma xx