How do I Discipline a child with a history of running away.
I DONT NEED SUGGESTIONS OF COUNCELLING, THATS HAPPENING.
My 11yo child has run away 3 times in the past 12 months. They don't like rules, they want to do what they want, and staying with a parent who is deemed a danger to them, seems to be their ideal place to live. At one point, they were a missing person for a month.
every time they play up, I fear them running away because I sent them too their room or confiscated their bike or play station. I'm at a loss. Right now their at home for the rest of the day, because instead of helping clean thismoening (a 5minute task mind you) they took off on their bike. When he come home, I said they were not allowed to go, but friends could come over. Now I'm freaking out that next time they leave, it could be days, weeks or months looking for them.
3 Replies
Seems like you need a new idea with this kid. Really your ‘punishment’ doesn’t work because it works to stop him coming back once he’s coming - that’s not what you want.
So ask the psych and find a new way. My suggestion is instead of grounding or sending to room or taking away things, to do restitution chats. So they go and sit and think about it, and then you come and you talk through what did they do? Why was it wrong? Why did they do it? What’s the effect of their actions? What else could they have done? What could you all do differently to change it next time?
Come to an agreement, remind them you love them very much, you want them safe and safe is where an adult knows where they are. Try connection and see where that gets you. and when they come back - reward the mature choice to come back and be where they are safe.
My 13 year old is exactly the same at the moment but the longest she has gone is 4 days but she goes out at in the middle of the night when we are all asleep. My partner not her dad thinks I need to be tougher on her and the more I ground her the more she takes off. I think the poster above is right we need to show them more love and not punish them so hard. And get our relationship back. I really don't have any advise just I know what you are going through. And I wish I had the answers for you.
Loosen the reigns a bit. I know that's not what you want to hear but this kid is already beyond benefitting from any kind of discipline you can give him, you're creating stress for yourself for no reason. You need to move to the next mode which is his safety and picking your battles.Try putting the ball into his court every day and completely turn yourself off from him. Try a reverse reward for jobs and basic expectations, start at say $30, yeah that's high but he's unlikely to get that whole amount anyway and you don't want it to completely run out giving him no reason to try and you want it to entice him to do better. Make a list of expectations for him, jobs, telling you where he is, being home by a certain time. Keep it simple to start with. If he has siblings you could share what he's lost with them, they hate that. Don't make a huge deal when he's done the wrong thing just take from his weekly money.