Me and my husband have recently decided to seperate. We still love each other but we are starting to get the to stage we take one another for granted.
We want to see if separating will want to to work on our marriage or go our seperate ways altogether
A few things you should know
We have 2 kids - primary and preschool age
I am moving out and my husband is keeping the house with everything in it. Before anyone judges I would ever be able to afford the mortgage and rates payments.
My kids have ever known this house and don’t want to disturb by moving all their belongs out
We have decided that I will get a place walking distance so kids can decide which house they want to stay at for the night and go back and forth as please
He is going to help me get set up and help pay my rent weekly till I find a job
I get parenting payments A&B but chose not to get any payments till end of financial year which I now know I’ll have to change to fortnightly
My question is
Besides parenting A&B payments am I eligible for anymore.
I am looking for a job but I don’t want my husband payment mortgage and my rent leaving him himself in financial trouble
Do I have to change anything on myGov - live
NSW
What is rental assistance payment like?
I pro have many more questions but can’t think at the moment
Thank you for your help sorry if doesn’t make sense this is something I never thought I would write
16 Replies
There are calculators online which help you figure out which payments you'll be eligible for. If your kids are under 8 you'll likely be eligible for Parenting Payment (once you're working you'll need to report your income), Family Tax A&B, rent assistance. You'll need to apply for Child Support as well. Even if you and hubby have a "casual" custody arrangement, they'll need care % for each of you and they'll work out how much he should be paying you. You can set private collect if you wish and he just pays whatever he's supposed to directly to you - this might work well in the instance he pays your rent for a bit.
If you had the kids you’d get parenting payment and rent assistance and ftb and child support it’s definitely enough to live. I think you’re scared because you don’t know but he is not helping you, he is protecting himself and setting himself up super sweet so you’re not taking ANYTHING at all because clearly he earns a fair wage and you are entitled to half of all of it, and youre still relying on him but with his plan you’re not getting anywhere near what you should be AND you have to work full time and I bet you’ll end up parenting the kids but you’re setting yourself up to do it from ‘his’ house. It’s not in your best interest, or theirs.
We are going to a mediator in a few weeks to sort everything out. He is giving me money to start myself out to buy all new furniture for when I find a rental and plenty left over.Yes he will be giving me child support and extra to help out. He is not trying to take advantage of me
Different commenter. Just be mentally prepared that when a new gf/family comes along, all the extra help will stop and he will just pay per what he has to. They always start out like this, wanting to help but it doesn't last.
Yep you won’t want to live round the corner from him and under him - go to Centrelink first and get your payment as if you have the kids in your care. You also don’t want to end up being the main parent but going to his house to do it - that just can’t work for you or the kids. If he works full time its just the smart way to do it that you have primary care and get the Centrelink benefits, for you to get your independence from him and set yourself up.
Also get your own advice before you go in and agree to things at mediation - a mediator isn’t on your side they just help negotiations get finalised especially if you’re just going to agree to what he wants.
Your kids are young. They will do better with a set routine, so they know where they will be and when. When my kids were little we were slowly working towards week about, going from every second weekend with dad, but got to 4 days with me and 4 days with dad and kept it at that for nearly a year before he moved further away from school/daycare. It did mean it was different days each week, but the kids knew who they were with each day. And as another commenter said, things might be amicable now but it will change as soon as there’s a new partner on the scene.
Agree you need to set custody, kids are far too young to decide on a regular basis.
Plus you need to set up child support and FTB per care arrangement.
You also don't want kids to have to choose, especially as they get older, that's psychologically damaging and putting them in an awkward position.
This is all sounding familiar as I had a similar situation. My ex gave me money when I left to set myself up whilst he remained in our home with all of our belongings. Fast forward 2 years later and 2 years of court battles over financial settlement, and he wanted to deduct that amount from my pay out, which my lawyer fought hard against, especially given he had enjoyed our home and everything in it for the last two years. Nothing changed for him. Whilst I would like to give you positive feedback, unfortunately it’s very rare that these situations remain amicable. As someone told me once “you do not divorce the same person you married” and it’s soooo true. Please protect yourself, for your sake and the sake of your kids. Also, I think setting a routine for custody will be much better for the kids. We do week about and it’s worked really well, much less unsettling for the kids. Good luck, but please, protect yourself first and foremost.
This! Completely agree.
OP, assume your name is on the house title? What if your ex doesn’t pay the mortgage? I was caught with this and ended up in huge financial hardship, as I was paying the mortgage, bills, as well as my own rent.
Similar scenario to start with too :(
The kids need more consistency in there lives. Letting them choose will only end in heartache for 1 parent if they decide over and over to go with 1 parent over the other. You need set routines and for centrelink you will need to specify nights of care and care %. If things are amicable why not just stay under the 1 roof? Rental market is tough at the moment and finding a place isn't that easy.
If you both still love each other. Aybe you need to seek external help before deciding to separate.
Do not let your kids decide where they go that is a horrible choice to put on a young body as they feel guilty for choosing one over the other. Kids needs routine and structure in a separation. I got to mums x nights and I’m at days y nights it’s the most important thing to have a routine and structure as soon as possible.
You will be able to apply for single parenting payment, family tax A&B and rent assistance
Op think very carefully before you leave the house or the children. While yes everyone is saying once separated you will get single parent plus family tax benefit. You will most certainly not be entitled to all but a percent based on how many actual nights a fortnight the children are in your care, and you will need to apply for child support If he’s paying the rent for you, you won’t get rent assistance and he can claim this as child support which will then reduce your family payments. If he has the children on his care he is also eligible to claim Centrelink payments.
You have to think of the future, what if the kids don’t want to stay at your new home he will have 100% care and you will find you will lose all family payments. Then you may find yourself applying to the courts for visitation. Things may be amicable now but can turn very fast, and if things don’t work out and either of you move on I think you’ll find you are the one that will lose the most. Good luck get Centrelink advise and see legal aid.
Altho my situation is quite complex but to help the kids understand I got the books two homes and the invisible string which are great to help kids understand some of the changes and they are loved even if not living together
You sound very young and naive. I think you need to read what you have written and see how one sided this arrangement sounds, with you being the worse off.
Unfortunately, life, marriage and divorce is not easy and very hard, and if you dont have the finances to begin with it gets harder and limits all your options, a lot. This includes where you live, how much custody you have of your kids, what food you have on the table and even limits the ability for you to buy your medicines from the chemist. By leaving your home and your kids behind and moving out you are putting yourself in a very bad situation financially. You are also not putting the kids interest first. You cannot allow the kids to make adult decisions like where they will sleep each night. This is not a joke and will effect their mental health. Kids need stability and routine.
Why dont you put you moving out on hold for now. You need to heal and educate yourself first before you take a step to move out of your life and home. Go to the GP and get a referral to a councillor or psychologist and discuss your life decisions, you never know having a different perspective may allow you to see things differently. You may have undiagnosed Post natal depression or just need to find some healing before any major life changing decisions.
You also need to consult a lawyer before you move anywhere to see how different actions will impact you financially. Be smart and wise. This will benefit your kids. It is crucial that you get this life changing decision right for your kids as it will effect their future.
When you get married you promise each other in sickness and in health and promise to work on things when life gets hard. This is a hard point in your life that you both need to work. Just because you are both taking each other for granted, its no reason to give it all up. Just be lucky that you are not dealing with much harder things like domestic violence or a life changing medical issue.
It really sounds like there aren't big issues that you can't work on in your marriage. We all have a period in our lives when we have kids where things change and new allowances and/or perspective is needed. It is called GROWTH, growth as an individual, growth as a couple and growth as a parent. It is a lot easier to work on your marriage where two people are involved than it is in a relationship where each of you partner up again, because in reality that's what will happen. Neither of you will be single forever.
OP here. My in laws took the kids last weekend for a few days. We had a chance to talk. We are gonna try therapy first for the both of us and see if we can save our marriage
Having those few days with just is gave us a chance talk and just us time. We don’t get much help from our families and are lucky if they get 1 or 2 weekends a year with my in laws so we can have us time