My husband hasn't been very faithful throughout our 27 year relationship. The last time he was unfaithful was 9 yrs ago that i know of.To be able to move on in our relationship I asked him to be completely honest about how many other women he had been with and he told 5. I thought our relationship was going great but well last night while being intimate he was trying to be kinky and have sex talk about being with other me being with other men we actually know. I wasn't very comfortable with it and he said why not I was with their girlfriends while in a relationship with me! Now this was never mentioned to me when I asked him to be completely honest with me. I am completely gutted and obviously hurt and he cannot understand why. I now am questioning everything about our relationship and the trust. He can't understand why considering it was over 20 yrs ago that this happened. I don't know what to do or feel. I can't leave as I really have nowhere to go, I have no family or friends.
14 Replies
You can leave, you just need to create a plan and action that plan. Need a job, work out the steps to get a job? Need savings, work how long it will take?
Working on a long term plan to leave, wether that be in secret or not, is a smart move here. You don’t want to live this for the rest of your life. I’d rather have a plan to leave than give up and stay. At least I’d know I’m working on it.
You don’t say if there are kids involved and ages.
We have 3 grown children, only 1 still lives at home. I have a job, but the cost of living and rentals are so high my pay wouldn't cover it. Embarrassing so I love this man, as stupid as it sounds.
I’d rather live in a share house than continue to have my self esteem torn to threads further.
You may love him but you need to love yourself more!
I'm coming to the point in my life that monogamy doesn't exist and I'm pretty foolish to believe that. People seem to think the grass is greener on the otherside and it's just easier to come home to the reliable when exciting things just get tired of us or demand commitment.
You're the routine and dependable. He knows that and he knows you can't survive on your own.
The world also makes it harder to survive on your own, too.
I hate to be the negative Nancy here who is obviously a no friends Nigel but you won't leave him and things won't change unless you make it happen.
You can leave, the choice is yours.
How old are you? Was this started when you were young? Have you ever been independent and single as an adult?
Seems to me he thinks he’s got you stuck, but also you’re conditioned to accept much less than you should and can’t imagine how to leave - all of that is psychological. And from the outside of the relationship you would wonder why on earth you stayed.
Seek professional help, talk it out with someone who can actually help you sort the whole thing out, more so yourself than him.
You guess correctly, I was 15 when we got together, and first got pregnant with our eldest.
Yep you’re in a bad spot because you don’t know how to do it and can’t imagine doing it, makes considering it really really hard.
You also don’t know any different, you can’t imagine that things could be so good and you possibly don’t realise how bad things are.
Possibly - I’m just saying that because youre first sentence of your post isn’t a usual one, it’s really sad. The multiple cheating and him just saying he’s banged these women while with you and ‘can’t understand’ you’d be hurt, it’s all messed up.
It's time to move on. Get your things in order. Look at your finances. Open a bank account, see Centrelink about assistance. See a lawyer for advice about legalities. You always have a choice. You have been treated so poorly for so long and you certainly deserve better. There is no trust and no respect.
When you tell yourself "I can't", the only person putting the brakes on is you.
You can.
It won't be easy, but you can do it.
It'll take many little steps before you feel like you're getting anywhere, but you can make them.
What would you tell your daughter to do if she bought you this problem? You'd tell her to boot that lying, wart-dicked freaking loser to the curb. Yeah? Why do you deserve less than?
"It was over 20 years ago" was still about 7 years into your relationship. It's not like he was hedging bets while you guys were dating and not exclusive. He's a lying cheating piece of shit and the longer you stay the more you put yourself through - because more and more will just keep coming out of the woodwork.
You can.
Amen to this 🙌
Time to leave you will be fine without him. It will be tough but you will come off the other side better and happy!
100% beleive he's still cheating! 5 is alot that he came clean about all those years ago. He does not love you. You don't cheat on someone you love.
He has manipulated you into believing what he does is ok. It’s not ok at all. Find a friend you can stay with and confide in and don’t go back to him! What a selfish pig.