Ok before I start I know how selfish I sound!
My husband and I have recently welcomed our 4th baby. We are very happy and love our family. He recently went on a week long fun ‘work’ trip (more fun than work) which I was happy for him to go- he works so hard and this was an amazing opportunity! While he was away I started to feel resentment towards him and his trip. As mums, we never get rewarded like this for our hard work and I felt so unappreciated and unwanted. Especially after I found out they were on a cruise with lots of people (especially girls that were in their bikinis). I’ve never had a concern about him cheating but I know he would’ve looked (and these girls definitely don’t look like they’ve had 4 kids!!). Anyway I secretly thought that he might’ve got me something but he didn’t. That’s ok I understand he might not have had time but he did get something little for the kids which I was really happy about! But then I saw on social media one of the other wives got spoiled by her husband- a ring and a bracelet and something special for their kids and now I can’t help but feel so upset and a huge amount of resentment and sadness and I’m taking it out on the kids constantly yelling and angry at everyone and everything. I don’t know why I just can’t help it and I hate it! What makes it worse is the night he got back he wanted me to wear lingerie and have a special night (don’t get me wrong I was happy to I love him and I wanted it too).
I know how stupid and selfish I sound but now he is asking me what’s wrong because I’m all quiet and I don’t know what to do because I know it sounds stupid and selfish and shallow but I can’t help but feel this way.
How can I help get over this type of resentment?
6 Replies
It's not stupid. I used to travel a lot and once we had kids DH could still go on overseas conferences and I became stuck at home. It's tough. He used to make out it was horrible to go, but then his colleagues would talk about how much fun the activities were (no bikinis, just overseas adventures).
I suggest you tell your husband how it makes you feel. Not in an accusing way, but make him understand how difficult it has become that he gets a reward for his work, gets a break from responsibility, to go away, relax, have fun, while you don't get a break from the drudgery, ever. Explain what it's like to never leave your suburb, to have a break, to feel free for a few days. That it's causing resentment of your lifestyle where you feel the workload and fun time are unfairly unbalanced and IT NEEDS TO CHANGE.
You need to know what you're asking for. Perhaps you can take a day trip / weekend / week away for yourself, either alone or with a friend? Or a massage, spa day, or just lunch while your DH takes care of things at home. Or a gift that you would really like that would lift your spirits.
You are not selfish at all!
I can only comment from the perspective of watching my parents. Dad got quite a few fancy work trips while we were kids. My dad is fairly clueless at times, but he always brought us presents home, and he always made sure my mum got time off, especially when he got back.
Now I don’t know what conversations went on behind closed doors, but you are not being unreasonable!
You need a week off! A fucking cruise! And get yourself some new jewellery!
You are not stupid and selfish! Plan a night out with friends and leave hubby home with the kids. Or even plan a weekend away. Don’t plan meals or anything for him and the kids. Let him see just how much you do everyday when he’s not home. Explain to him that you don’t begrudge him having ‘me time’, but you also need ‘me time’. Organise it so everyday you both get say half an hour to relax away from the kids, away from household chores. Then one night a week or fortnight you each get a night off to go out. Also plan for a date night regularly.
Stop being jealous of other women and other people's lives . Yours is amazing too .
The man who brought his wife expensive jewellery is probably doing it out of guilt. Who knows what he got up to. Your husband came home and wanted to be intimate with you. I would trust him more than the showy jewellery guy. However, you need to make an appointment for even a facial or girls movie night. You deserve fun too x