I need help and advice. I have posted on this issue before but still having a hard time. My beautiful babe is almost 5. I do not know how to handle her behaviour. I have been and had her assessed and have been advised this behavioural. I have been trying time out. It’s not working I’ve tried offering cuddles and it’s just not getting us anywhere. I’ve been thinking about natural consequences which I’m finding hard to come up with. My daughter screams and hits me everyday over every little thing that isn’t exactly How she wants it. I feel that I am burning out and I don’t know how to be what my beautiful girl needs. I was asking her to please get in her car seat yesterday and she says “shut up, I’m sick of you talking”. This morning she has screamed for the past 40 mins because she asked for a bowl of shredded cheese for breakfast and I offered a cheese sandwich instead and made this for her. She had a meltdown and hit her plate off the bench onto the ground and screamed because I put the wrong cheese on her sandwich. This is all day everyday, over the smallest of things. She is not like this for kindy, only me and I just don’t know what to do to help her. Please no nasty comments I’m looking for support and suggestions only.
3 Replies
So did the people who assessed her give you any strategies? It’s not ok that they said she doesn’t warrant a diagnosis, but didn’t offer any suggestions.
Just because she doesn’t need a diagnosis, doesn’t mean she doesn’t need professional help. I’d be looking for a child psychologist/parenting course, something!
I’d also be getting her re looked at for assessment in the future. Some kids often go through multiple rounds before things become obvious enough for the diagnosticians to get it.
My son was almost 7 before ADHD was diagnosed and 10 for ASD. He's highly intelligent so even though behaviours were evident in some areas (trust me, I've been where you are and it only escalated over time), he didn't appear to meet diagnostic criteria in others.
This was due to a few reasons:
- intelligence masked some of the traits that they need to meet to fit diagnostic criteria until he was older and more complex situations/demands made his actual support needs obvious
- it wasn't until he was old enough to verbalise his perception/thought processes clearly that it became evident that he really didn't perceive situations typically. When he finally was able to have much more self aware conversations, it became obvious that he misunderstood so many things we had no idea of... hence melting down and lashing out
- in prep he had additional support, so it took those supports being removed to see the actual level of support required
I would suggest getting referrals for supports for the behaviours, regardless of whether you have a diagnosis. It will help regardless and either be something that can be point in time assistance or help with seeing the big picture over time.
You also need support for yourself, whether it's educational for parenting children with big emotions, psychological for resilience or just semi regular time out. Take it from me... you will make things worse unless you can keep yourself in a resilient and patient mind space and be calm and consistent.
You will always have times where you feel as though you are at breaking point... but minimising that as much as possible will be one of your most valuable tools for helping your child and yourself.
Good luck
Natural consequences would be things like ‘if you kick me I won’t sit with you’ if you hit me we can’t watch tv together, I’ll get up and I’ll turn it off.
Throwing food on the floor, just ignore it. Pick it up. Don’t give it back. Don’t make any more, when she’s ready she can eat the sandwich or a banana.
The consequences are what happens for behaviour, but make sure you’re not damaging your relationship more, is not taking away nice things. So ‘I wont sit with you anymore’ can mean you say that, but replace the activity with a puzzle on the floor or something, where you reengage. That’s where you remind her you love her and love doing things with her and if she keeps this up you’ll be cuddling on the sofa with her again, and you’d like that.