So I need advice.. narcissistic MIL .. buckle up this is long ...
Back story..
5 years ago me and my hubby moved interstate away from everything we new and settled in a small town 8hrs from our family and friends.. his mum is the only person here we knew..
We started fresh and 2years in his mum fell "sick" and we thought the worst.. she was loosing weight, not eating, stopped working and told us she had emphysema..
She sold her home and moved in with us and our children, so she could get back on her feet, buy a unit closer to us and we could make sure she was OK.
For reference my hubby works 14hr days, I'm a SHM and up until recently was starting my own business, have 3 kids 2 with special needs and I cook and keep the house running and hubby does what he can when he is home and on weekends.
Fast forward, she still lives with us..
We found out she doesn't have emphysema, and she refuses to work, doctor jumping for centrelink medical certificates so she can receive payments and not work or do the activities..
She was helping out financially up until December 2020.. since then has only helped us when we where desperate..
In April this year I went through a bit of a bad week mentally and was quiet and exhausted, I found out I was pregnant with number 4 and was just down in the dumps..
She confronted me demanding to no what was wrong with me and called me a b*tch for the way I was acting.. (I hadn't said or done anything at all.. )
A few days after this we sat down and I set some boundaries in place regarding her being disrespectful and rude and not helping or contributing to the house at all and just expecting me too cook,clean ect ...
We agreed that if she wants to live with us things need to change.. she chose to help out instead of paying rent.. I was OK with it as long as we didn't run into these issues again..
She continues to do nothing, pay nothing, and always tells me I need a routine and I'm lazy and it's not how she would do things. Never helps and when asked for help does a shit job or just doesn't, .. plays favourites with the kids all the time and makes then upset and cry if asked to watch them.. (we don't ask for her to watch kids anymore)
Uses anything she has done as ammo and throws it in our faces no Mayotte how big or small..
Will do things half ass and tell us we are just making issues with her.. (will wash kids clothes and leave hlthem in the machine wet, not wash certain pots and put back dirty, ect...)
I'm at braking point and so is my hubby.. he owes her money and He told her that he is selling his boat and she needs to get out .. she said, "oh what ever, fuck off" and has not spoken to us since.. it's now been 8days and she refuses to talk to anyone except my 2yo.. it's driving me crazy..
She isn't on the lease and doesn't pay.. I want her out.. but how..
She will not leave.. what do we do...???
If you have got this far thankyou, I'm just desperate and it's affecting my mental health and now also my sleep
2 Replies
Jump on the RTA website and have a look at the rules in relation to boarders. I know they can't intervene legally, but they do have a lot of advice. You'll need to issue her a formal eviction notice, usually 30 days notice.
If you have a good real estate, ask them for help. They could perhaps send a formal notice requiring that she leave as she is not on the lease (be careful with this though, because if they're a bad agent, they could make trouble for you).
In terms of hubby owing her money, I'd work out what she should have been paying in board, and deduct that from the debt, and present those figures to her. If he still owes money after that, then do anything you can to get her the money so it's over & done with.
If she still just refuses to leave after all this, contact police & find out what needs to be done to remove her. Police can assist with this, but it's an absolute last resort and you have to prove you've done absolutely everything you can first. She also needs to have somewhere else to go, they won't just put her on the street.
Agree to pay for a hotel for a week if you have to, whatever it takes.
If she's on Centrelink, she may qualify for Housing.
I know someone who just went through this. They were close with their mother she moved in 'temporarily ' and never left, despite numerous hints and directly asking her to. She would always agree to leave 'next week' and then just act like nothing had been said and wouldn't leave.
It ended in a huge blow-up fight and her being basically kicked out because of the effect it was having on the mental health of the other people in the house and now unfortunately their relationship is damaged.
My only advice here is to be 100% direct. She needs to be sat down and told that it is no longer working to have her there and you will give her until xx date to move out. Offer help in finding a new place but remind her every few days that the date is looming.
Also make your husband do it, it's not fair you should be the bad guy because Mil will only disregard what you say and think you're being a bitch.
Be aware she will absolutely guilt trip the fuck out of you so she can stay, but she won't change and in fact will likely get worse the more comfortable she gets.
Unfortunately if that doesn't work you both will need to get really tough on her and possibly threaten police.