Long read....
I don’t know if I even love this guy anymore. The sex is great, we’ve been together for over 10+ years and have a family.
He has been in & out of depression for a couple of years.
Stopped working and has been a stay at home father since, while I worked. He’s not in a good place again. Isolating himself, gets anxiety when goes out in public and highly addicted to Playstation games.
I cater to our children and our family day & night with very little help from him. He now says he wants to become an online gamer where he can win money.
I personally don’t like gaming at all. I feel it’s a waste of energy and time. Especially if you have a wife & kids. He could be doing so much more with himself starting with getting help, but he just doesn’t want too.
I have felt like a single parent for a long time & now just reaching the point of wanting to take my kids and go.
I have found porn on his phone way too many times than I should. He apologises & that’s that.
BUT when I’ve done something wrong on my end, I get the ‘What are you up too? I know you’re plotting something between me & the kids, which i totally don’t understand. Then I get the ‘When I get my shit together,
You’re out’. I’m scared to leave because I have nowhere to go & there are already sooooo many homeless families that are struggling to get a place.
What do I do?
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3 Replies
Start making a plan. Get your savings ready for moving and bond and rent in advance and all of that, then make your move. In that time you can tell him, he has to get help and start working on his mental health or the relationship is over. It’s ok to draw that line. You can support but you can’t do it, he has to, and if he doesn’t you can’t stay around giving yourself to something that doesn’t serve you and isn’t improving.
He gets to sit at home all day playing games and have no responsibility? He sounds like a child. And why would he change? For him the lifestyle is great!
But on behalf of society I'm telling you this is not it. Don't let him manipulate you or badger you into thinking you are doing anything wrong for wanting more from your partner. He will probably fight to the death so he doesn't have to get up and get a job and act like a responsible adult.
You do not have to live like this, your kids come first and you are obviously doing it on your own and it will be so much easier without the extra load of catering to a man child.
Tell him it's time to go. Surely he doesn't expect his own kids to go homeless and he could crash at family or friends house until he can sort himself.
He goes. You stay. Give him a reasonable deadline to deal with his 'shit'. On that day,congratulate him if he has started the process and moving forward; and keep supporting the improvements. If he hasn't, take his keys and ask him to pack up and leave. I'm so sick of we women allowing our men to behave badly and thinking we aren't good enough for better. And no it's not easy. In my experience it is extremely hard to put ourselves first. Your kids are seeing this as normal and will follow the dysfunction. Best of luck.