School Bully gets more support than the kids he targets.. what is this new world?
So my son has been the target of ongoing physical intimidation and assaults from a child in his grade (year 3) who has had a significant growth spurt and is much bigger than the cohort for 6 months.
I have been up to the school on 4-6 occasions and really got a whole lot of lip service.
Now over the last term said bully has widen his victim pool and now suddenly his behaviour is being “managed”. How that is occuring no one knows. And not that I should know however because a lot of the occurrences are he said/she said a lot goes by without acknowledgment.
Now the children in year 3 can not understand how he can do all these things and get in what seems to them no trouble. But they are disciplined quite publicly for any indiscretions.
Personally my child has lost his love of school and really any sense of justice or fairness.
What do you do with that? The school clearly know this child is punching kids in the face, shoulder charging, elbowing, pushing kids over and he isn’t so much as timed out or spoken to after a teacher has been informed.
I’m not sure if it is relevant or not but it is a Catholic primary school where I expected better. They are up in arms over my sons hair but completely lenient to ongoing daily physical assaults!
Now my son has come home and asked me if he can retaliate.. He is the most beautiful kind natured soul but he has had enough. My concern is though that if he was too that child will likely dob on him immediately and 1 event makes him as bad as the other child..
The child’s mother is in complete denial that her son is a bully rather she feels like he is targeted. So if my son where to retaliate she would be at the school that day. She seems to have significant pull at the school and gloats about having the principals direct email.
What would you do?
Thank you if you got this far!
15 Replies
Keep reporting incidents and if nothing is done report to whatever governing body the school answers to, I can't remember what it's called for catholic schools.
Thank you.
Hold your son off school and tell them he won’t be returning until somethign is done about it and you will be lodging a complaint higher. I kept my son off school until a boy was sorted out and they dealt with it quick once they knew I was holding him off school.
I’m actually not sure they would care. They certainly don’t care enough to make something happen.
The mother is probably an absolute nightmare to deal with by arguing her child is innocent and complaining about bullying against her child, explains the direct email account. The teachers might be avoiding having to deal with her which is really not good enough at all. Match her pushiness and email the school about every incident. Don't paint your child as innocent but relay the story as told to you, what teacher he told and when. Encourage the other parents to do the same, always by email. Follow up with emails and ask for updates, ask for meetings, ask that the child be kept away from your child. Then if a child does retaliate hopefully that parent has proof of prior incidents and that the school was asked to deal with it but they failed.
Thank you. It is really frustrating having to be the “complaining mum” I have never had issue to approach the school before and to date I have only approached about significant incidents. But I will take your advice and make sure there is documentation of all events. Whether they are minor or not.
The other mother is a massive drama queen and takes issue with the smallest of issues at the school. She is the squeaky wheel. I wonder if your right and the teacher wants to save dealing with her.
Why do your kids get publicly punished though?? so now they want to see it happen to others or they think nothings happening. Such a bad way to run things, most kids learn and grow through relationships and trust, so much could be happening behind the scenes. That’s a major issue.
But they have to trust that if they’re hurt it will be handled and won’t happen again.
And they don’t. So get back to school. Complain all you have to - when it directly affects you. Not just because your kids want to see him publicly punished for things they’re not a part of though.
My son has been publicly shamed for the length of his hair.
My son has been screamed at for calling out in class. Has been yelled at for numerous disruptive behaviours. However in his eyes he never hurts anyone else and can’t understand that he gets in lots of trouble for those things but a kid who punched him in the face, shoulder charges him every chance he gets, physically pushes him out of line has no consequences. The teacher will ask all the kids around the event for their version even when it has been confirmed - the most that happens is that they are told to stay away from each other.
These are two separate issues. What’s happening to your son is not ok.
And now look at how he wants to see it happen to others. That’s sad. I’m saying, he needs to know it’s been handled, and it sounds like it hasn’t been, but you knowing what’s happened to him doesn’t factor in and you need to tell your kid that. As long as you stay away from him, it won’t happen again. And you tell your son that if he goes anywhere near him to go and tell a teacher straight away because you won’t put up with it and he doesn’t have to either. Can he retaliate? At first I would say yes but NO. Why are they near each other again?! He walks away and goes straight to the office if this kid comes near him but he has to stay away from him as well.
While this is good in theory - our school is tiny and staying away is t really practical. Especially when said child ignores that and seeks him out in handball games etc.
my son doesn’t understand why he doesn’t get in trouble. It is not necessarily that he wants to see him in trouble.
Your son needs to stay in his own lane.
He’s needs to stop being disruptive in class and concentrate on his own behaviour.
You don’t know what discipline this child gets, you’re relying on info from a grade three kid.
Do you really think there are no repercussions for this kid?
Just because your child can’t see it, doesn’t mean the school isn’t dealing with it, use your brain.
Be the adult in this situation and tell your child that the school is in fact dealing with it, that there are probably other variables you don’t know about and just to stay away.
I don’t even think it’s your kid thinking these things, I think it’s you, or you are putIng them in his head.
Not everything is black and white.
Wow for a page titled imperfect mum certain a lot of “perfect Mums” floating about.
Your post isn’t constructive just plain nasty.
I agree, if you’re feeding him that he’s right on this and the school is shit - he is listening and learning and will act accordingly.
If your son has been told they are to stay away from each other, then the answer to your son is this - if he is at handball first, then he can tell the other child he must leave and to go away from him. If it’s a tie or the other kid is there, then your son is to go somewhere else. He has to stay away and is not to use the excuse of a small school. Choose different sides of the classroom and pretend he’s not there.
I think there are two separate issues. Your child's behaviour and that of the bully.
Your child needs to understand that his behaviour is his own. You cannot blame everything on the bully and you have to deal with consequences of your own actions. if he is disruptive at school etc then he has to live with consequences. He is in charge of his own destiny here.
The bullying behaviour is a separate issues. Continue to advocate for your child. Speak to the principal and the teachers etc. If not happy then proceed with next level of complaint process.
Also why are schools still so hung up on length of hair. Beggars belief really. I went to an exclusive private school in Melbourne in mid/late 1990s and to me, it seemed like a total pile of BS. LENGTH of one's hair has no consequence on my ability to learn. Wish schools paid better attention to their clergy than length/colour of a child's hair.
We left the catholic school after years of bullying & nothing being done.
We are now public & they pull kids up ALL the time for bullying.