Do I have a right to say something if my step daughter's best friend's mother is hitting on my partner?
Everyone is telling me to just leave it, because they don't want to upset the friendship between my step daughter and her friend.
This woman is widowed, so I feel bad for her, but I think its so disrespectful of her to try hitting on a man who is very much taken.
She drunkenly tried her luck through FB messenger last year, saying she really liked him, and was sad he had a missus, but my partner shut her down and said its not going to happen.
He stupidly said he would be interested in her if he wasn't with me, but that was because she was in a really dark place mentally at that time, and he didn't want to upset her (in case she did something that would leave her 4 children completely parentless).
I KNOW she is still keen on him, she is still trying to talk and text to him as much as she can, see him as much as she can, among other obvious things.
He has now deleted her off FB and barely responds when she calls/texts.
I'm sick of just standing by being quiet while this woman is basically disrespecting my relationship.
I don't want to hurt the relationship with the kids, but I'm tired of this woman.
It doesn't help that she only lives up the road, I try and avoid her as much as possible.
Woman hitting on my man, help
Woman hitting on my man, help
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
21 Replies
The way i see it, this really speaks to where her mental health and self esteem is at.
Because I don't think women who are fulfilled, happy and self respecting go out cracking onto taken men, especially not this blatantly.
Ask yourself what's to be gained by confronting her? Do you really think it'll stop her, because honestly I don't.
Your partner really needs to be direct with her. She won't get the picture until he and only he makes it perfectly clear that he's not interested and the flirtatious interactions need to stop because it's inappropriate.
You are right, I don't think she will stop. I really wish he didn't say if he was single he would, because I think that's given her a bit of hope.
We are getting married next year and I think she's pretty devastated about that
Yeah he probably shouldn't have said that, I can see why he did but in trying to spare her feelings he's created a different problem.
I'd really encourage him to kindly but firmly say something like "I'm really sorry if I ever gave you the wrong idea. You're a great lady but I love and am happy with (insert your name). Nothing will ever happen between you and I, I just need you to know that. We should probably keep contact between us strictly aboutur daughters from here on out".
He could get a new number, then don't give it to her.
Go and see her and politely tell her that it’s upsetting you both.
He needs to tell her straight, not going to happen. She thinks she still has a chance because he said that he would if he wasn't with you. That's why she's still going. Don't feel sorry for her, as bad as that sounds, you don't get to try your hardest to break up families because you're unhappy with your life, that's not how the world works.
If he's not interested, I don't see the issue. My husband is much better looking than me so women get ideas at times... but he loves me, so there flirtations are pointless
How did she get your husbands phone number in the first place?
Their kids are friends, so it makes sense they'd have each other's numbers and have each other's social media etc.
I have most of the parents of my kid's friend's numbers/Facebook.
Yeah. I thought the same. I have lots of mum/dad phone numbers of my kid's friends. I see nothing strange about that
Yeah make sure he knows he’s a dickhead for saying that to her. Has he led her on any more than that?
It’s really not about her though, your relationship is the most important thing to you two. I think you should both cut her off. Where the kids are involved he needs to divert to you, and he needs to be nowhere near her, always you and make sure she knows that’s his choice.
And besides, her mental health will be better off if she was not doing this, how embarrassing and crushing, playing in to it for any reason is no good for anyone.
No, he didn't say anything more really, just trying to make her feel better about herself (she said like a man like him would want a woman like her).
I think he realised he went a bit too far when she started really getting into the flirting, and he just replied with one word answers until he finally said its not happening.
It just irks me that she's been raving about what a fantastic man/father he is to even my mother in law, who thought it was odd how close she was trying to get to HER.
She does everything she can to try and get his interest.
I want nothing to do with her, it's just a shame because her daughter is a sweet little girl and I really don't want to jeopardise their friendship.
But it feels like the mother is using the friendship to get close to my partner 😕
He just needs to stop interacting. If she messages him about a play date, he tells her to arrange it with you. At drop off/pick up, he's not around. If he's at school pick-up, he doesn't approach her, is courteous If she approaches him and makes your relationship part of conversations. I.e. tells the kids they're picking up a treat for mummy or planning a surprise or whatever. Have his commitment and love for you be forefront in required communications and avoid all others. He caused the issue, he needs to fix it.
Agree and the kids relationship will last whether he and her are friends or not even in contact. And it may not either, so imagine that and you’ve gone out of your way to make your life hard for absolutely nothing.
I get where you are coming from but why do you see it so disrespectful but your partner doesn’t? He should be the one shutting it down, not you. Deleting her from fb and ‘barely’ responding isn’t shutting it down. Why hasn’t he told her directly that she needs to stop and he is happily in a relationship?! I would actually be concerned about him telling her he would be interested in her if he wasn’t with you, that’s 🚩 to me
He only texts when it's about their kids having a sleepover/play date.
Nothing more.
She tries to send pics of the kids and other personal stuff. Like he likes snakes, so she bought her daughter one and sent him a pic of it.
He wouldn't even talk to her at all if it weren't for the girls' friendship
As long as your partner isn't showing an interest in her and he isn't entertaining a possible relationship with her I would just leave it alone. Don't confront her.
He has shut her down, deleted her on social media, stopped messaging and taking her calls and she is still trying then I don't think anything will stop her
Next time she calls I'd be answering the phone and say he's busy is there something I can help you with?
But he needs to put his foot down
If hubby is aware of this he needs to not reply at all. You do all the planning if need to. He is to ignore all text and calls. Him replying isn’t helping anyone especially her to get the hint.
You need to confront her.
Even if hubby is trying to shut it down he hasnt been successful as she is still sniffing around. Even if he isnt interested he would still be enjoying the attention. Everyone wants to be wanted. He may not be thinking this is serious but the time has come to intervene yourself. Sometimes people need someone to be very forceful about it before they pull their heads in. Defend what is yours!
Ive been the one being pursued. It took over a year of saying no but eventually wore me down and reached a point where things werent great in my marriage and i did it. I cheated. The other person was very persistent and I know I was in the wrong because I was the married one but im just saying dont let it happen to you. Be firm to both of them.