I'm getting married next year and we are having a small wedding around 50guests,
I have invited my auntie and uncle but not there 5 kids. There ages range from 11 to 19, i haven't spoken to them in over 3years, my uncle is saying how devastating it is that they are not invited and they won't go because there kids are not invited, and I said that is ok it's your decision, now my nan and other uncle might not come because there not coming.
And now my dad is upset with me because
Im saying its ok that's their decision they don't want to come.
There is only going to be 7kids in total there as they are in the wedding party.
Am I the asshole for not accommodating them on our wedding day?
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
31 Replies
God people get entitled when it comes to weddings! This is why I plan on eloping.
Bugger all this nonsense lol.
You're not being an a-hole, your dad, grandmother and uncles are though.
Nope. I actually wondered if I had written this in my sleep because I'm going through this myself except I'm getting married this year and my aunt and uncle have 7 kids not 5. I decided to invite none of them. I haven't spoken to them in years.
If I had to invite all my cousins, I shit you not that would be over 60 people alone!
Weddings are expensive and you've got to draw the line somewhere. Your family shouldn't be making you feel guilty!
When my children haven't been invited to weddings, I got a babysitter or I graciously declined if I couldn't. I certainly don't begrudge anyone for not extending the invite to my children.
I think it's rude to not invite someone's kids. Especially when out of your whole family they are the only ones. I don't know why it seems to have become acceptable in Australia, it definitely isn't in any other country. You wouldn't say no to someone's kids to a bbq or Christmas dinner so why is it OK at something as special as a wedding? The best wedding I went to was in Ireland a few years ago where there was easily over 50 kids having an absolute ball while the adults did their own thing or joined in. Reminded me of family weddings I went to when I was a kid. They had hired a hall and did the whole thing themselves, except for waiters and bar staff on the night. The group we were talking to were shocked that Australians don't have weddings like that any more. No kids at weddings in Australia is weird.
I'm guessing you haven't had to pay for a wedding in Australia and that's why you have that opinion
I think weddings are as expensive as you want them to be. Hiring caterers or venues with a per head cost, yes very expensive. Whatever happened to hiring a hall and doing most of it yourself? So many dishes that can be done in advance and there's always family that like doing that kind of stuff. It's just sad to see weddings become more of a dinner out and go home, nobody's going to remember those weddings in 20 years so why spend all the money on it? Have some fun, invite everyone, let things be less than perfect and have a ball.
I can't speak for the poster but I for one definitely don't have the time or skills to cater for say 50 wedding guests, nor do I have any family or friends who would be able to help as they all work full time or have their own responsibilities.
Even if you can DIY a lot of it, it's still an expensive excersise.
OP may already be having a budget friendly wedding but simply has no room left to accommodate more guests.
I would love to invite my entire family but there is to many, on my partners side we have 13 auntie's and Uncles then we have 8 on my side. If we had to invite all them plus partners plus kids, we could never afford it. They are not the only kids that are not invited we have cut alot of people out.
Also at Christmas dinners and party's everyone puts in its not up to only a few people.
Yes weddings are exactly what you want them to be. She doesn’t want hers to be a large family bash with all the kids.
Actually, we’ve been to many kid free BBQ and parties over the years and have had kid free ones ourselves.
Not every event Is child friendly and have never understood why people want kids at events where people maybe getting sloshed etc.
Kid free events are not a new ideas. Child free weddings have been happening since the 1970s at least (that’s the ones I personally know about it). I think some parents feel more entitled and take it as a personal insult these days though.
Weddings are long and 50 kids at a wedding is stuff of nightmares for me lol. We have gone and hosted kid-free BBQs. Just because I have kids, doesn't mean that I cannot have time away from them to enjoy weddings, BBQ's and other special events. Whatever works for bride and groom is the order of the day.
I agree with this comment. I have had my children excluded from my own siblings weddings and still been pressured to attend myself by the whole family. It's a crap situation. I would never do this to my siblings. I find it rude and my brother realised how terrible it was after he had children of his own and was put in the same situation by my other sibling. My mother finally spoke out and said do not do it. I would exclude cousins before excluding my own nieces and nephews. Best wedding I went to had a sitter for the kids in a separate area.
I think if there's now 3 other people upset with this then there might be more to the story? Three years isn't a long time when it comes to family especially since Covid has been at play for most of that. I would be offended if my kids weren't invited but others were and yes I probably wouldn't go. If your Nan, Dad and other family agree with them then maybe you're being rude.
Nope notting more to the story, I see them maybe once every 3 years since we were kids. We have cut out alot of people not only them.
Maybe they don’t see themselves as “other people”, but close family?
Nope, you are not the asshole!
My grandfather threw a tantrum because one of my sisters didn’t invite a 16 year old cousins girlfriend! Like WTF
My other sisters wedding there was a tantrum because Aunties bought there children outfits to a wedding they weren’t invited to! The bride didn’t even have a dress yet, and then when invitations and they realised there kids weren’t invited they lost there minds because little princess won’t get to where her dress!
It was hilarious because these same people had no kid weddings themselves. Yep me and my sisters were not at there weddings. My parents didn’t throw a tantrum, didn’t complain, just enjoyed a child free night while we were with babysitters.
People will and do act entitled when it comes to weddings. If it isn’t about kids, it will be about some random cousin you haven’t heard from in 20 years, or your mums best friend.
It is your wedding so totally up to you. But it depends as well, are these three kids the only family you’re not inviting? Family want it to be a family affair, it’s important to them, even if they’re only there for the ceremony. It seems your dads side would be happy if those 3 kids were there in their minds that’s everyone, so they may feel it’s a simple fix and a petty line to draw. But again, it is your wedding and your choice and it is ok if they don’t go. Maybe just explain again that it’s not a big traditional family affair, it’s a very small wedding of close family and friends and you drew the line at people that you don’t see and you’re fine if they’re not there.
Why not invite the kids that are over 18?
The 19 year old and if there is an 18 year old?
I couldn’t imagine my kids not attending a wedding where the bride is my siblings daughter.
Exactly! That would be first cousins after siblings that’s the closest family. I guess it depends if you value family?
For me even if I haven’t seen them in a while etc I know that if something really bad happened they could be relied on. seems your dad feels the same.
No you’re not the asshole. It’s your wedding so do whatever you want. It’s your day, your marriage and you’re the one paying so people who are trying to dictate how you should do it or project their wishes on to you are the assholes - and very entitled ones at that! Kids are bored at weddings anyway.
No no no!! You are NOT the A hole!! I had no kids at my wedding reception, not even my nieces and nephews, I had no dramas, my sisters in laws just came to the ceremony (outdoor wedding) and took them home after! I have kids myself and personally I love a kid free wedding!! It gives hubby and I a night out
No no no!! You are NOT the A hole!! I had no kids at my wedding reception, not even my nieces and nephews, I had no dramas, my sisters in laws just came to the ceremony (outdoor wedding) and took them home after! I have kids myself and personally I love a kid free wedding!! It gives hubby and I a night out
Recently, my mother refused to go to my cousins wedding because I wasn't invited (as well as some other ppl in the family)
I did not care that I wasn't invited, but my mother maintained the old fashioned view that it's rude to pick and choose and that if one family member was invited then all should be invited. She was entitled to her feelings on it because that was the norm for many many years, and its really a modern concept to select certain people, so most older people will probably feel this way.
However you are absolutely allowed to do your wedding anyway you want, and weddings are notorious for bringing out bad blood in families.
You are absolutely NTA but also don't be too hard on them for maintaining the views they are accustomed to
I don’t believe kids belong at weddings. I think if you invite a few kids then you invite them all. If not have wedding party kids just at the ceremony. Besides what I think, you family are being stupid. As if your own parents wouldn’t go 🤦🏼♀️ They all need to grow up and accept it, it’s your wedding. I must say I wouldn’t want to take my kids to any weddings unless it was interstate and we had no one to look after them. I declined weddings in that case or just one of us will go.
You're right. It is there decision. If their child was breastfed or really young with separation anxiety, I'd understand... but their kids are old enough to do something else and less vital to the list being extended family
No, you are not the Asshole.
It is your wedding and you and hubby to be get to choose the guest list.
I have a huge family, Husband's family is small. We couldn't decide who to invite or not invite, so we eloped. We had my parents as witnesses and our 16 month old son with us.
It was perfect. But we are also very introverted and couldn't handle being in front of lots of people.
If your dad really wants them there, ask if he is willing to pay the extra $$ for them to attend
I didn't invite cousins to my wedding, there's so many of them and i don't know many of them that well I don't think anyone cared lol.
Its stupid if people say "I'm not going if this person isn't going" I would say fuck them lol.
What sucked once was before I got married my cousin got married and he invited my brother and sister and parents and not me, that was a bit shit, but I still encouraged my family to go. I didn't make a thing of it, my mum did but I just told her its his wedding he can do what he wants!
Nope. It's your wedding do as you please.
I had a max cap (we personally set) at 80, and we didn't invite any kids and only invited families partners if we knew them well enough to be willing to "shout them dinner".
We copped a bit of shit from members who's partners weren't invited, and they then didn't come because they weren't invited.
We also didn't invite any of my hubby's cousins (his choice).
But the way I see it, is you're paying for an expensive meal/night for these people, it shouldn't be an expectation to receive an invite.
My sister has a kid free wedding. She only had her 2 there. I couldn’t get a sitter for my 3 so my partner stayed home with them so I could go. It's your wedding so it's your choice who you invite and who you don’t.
Isn’t it sad that your kids couldn’t see their Aunty get married ? and that your partner couldn’t even attend!!
I mean that’s absolutely shocking to me.
I am going to be honest here. I remember the weddings I went to as a child and how special that was to be included. I get that people want to cut down on numbers BUT I had to leave three tiny children with a strange sitter to attend my own family members wedding. My youngest suffered separation anxiety for a while afterwards and it just was not worth it! I absolutely hate when people do this to immediate family members as the people you normally trust with your children are at the wedding! You can also imagine how annoying it is to see the wedding party kids invited and not their own nieces and nephews. I personally would always hire a sitter or find space for them. I understand not friends children but siblings children is a bit rough. Anyway just my opinion ;) not everyone will agree.