Me and hubby have been married 14 years we had somewhat normal sex life its slowed down a bit now compared to when we got married but I have put with time stress with work and kids I can't expect to be the some when we were 18 amd now 33 and having 4 kids 13 and under but have never received oral I didn't think much of it till recently speaking with couple of friends first it started as a joke who does what to spice things up and it . Oral come up and it hit me that Im missing out hubby has said that is not his thing and he feels yuck to do it but loves getting a bj but it has started to make me feel like I'm not worthy enough I feel jealous in some way that im missing out hubby recons im just trying to find a problem when the isnt one and hasn't been one for the last 14 years and why do I have to be like everyone else that maybe there is something we do that they don't and over thinking it am I crazy and over thinking it or do we really have a problem
18 Replies
If he thinks it's not a problem then stop giving him bjs š¤·āāļø. It's a bit selfish of him to think it's no drama but loves receiving it. Does he do other things? Does he make sure you orgasm or is it all about him?
I donāt think itās ever okay to force someone to do something sexually they arenāt comfortable/like or enjoy.
Whether you give him a bj or not, is up to you.
But I think it is wrong for you to push him into something he doesnāt like.
Plus how could you enjoy the act if you know he is being forced/coerced?
Donāt ever compare yourself and husband to others, every individual has different tastes, likes, dislikes and comfort levels.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I don't but that's because I don't like it. I still give him a bj sometimes though when I feel like it. If you want it you should talk to him about it, it's unfair if you're giving it and not receiving any If that's what you want.
Same. Ditto to this answer
The whole "you have to give it to receive it" is a terrible mind set!!
No one should be forced to do anything sexual if they aren't comfortable with it. If you felt uncomfortable giving BJs, you wouldn't want to be coerced into doing it.
I was with my now ex husband for 9.5 years before he would give me oral!! It annoyed me so much because sex just was boring. I would give him a BJ but he couldn't return the favor. I stopped giving him BJs and he got the hint and finally started. He now does it without thinking because it wasn't as bad as he had made up in his head.
Yeah fuck that. Tit for tat motherfucker, pleasuring your partner goes both ways. And his arguments are bullshit. You think you want that because itās awesome and yes you are missing out and he sounds so bloody lazy but if heās really not into it then yes there sure is other things he can do for you but it sounds like he really just doesnāt want to have to.
He doesn't like it. That's all there is to it.
I've been with my hubby for 23 years. And for probably the first 10 years he wouldn't go down on me because his thinking (after being drummed into him as a child/teen) that a woman's privates are her insides on the outside, so he found it yuck too. Fucking weird!!! Anyway I persisted and we talked about it all. And now I get it maybe once very 2 months or so. Which I'm ok with, he's still changing his mindset. I love getting oral and giving it. So in between sessions I use a sucking toy, Satisfyer Pro... OMG! It does the job no worries š
I feel like you're missing out and he's not. Not really fair on you.
He doesn't like kissing your beautiful kitty cat. There is something wrong with that imo.
You deserved to be pleasured.
Maybe start going to some tantra classes, with or without him.
It's more about being equal in giving each other pleasure. If he is a selfish lover, and he just enjoys taking, then that just is not sexy at all.
give and take 50/50.
If its not his thing then that's fair,we all have things we don't enjoy and shouldn't have to do. Why not do some looking around and find something else you could both try, lots of options to spice things up in adult shops and its all online. Enjoy it!
I was the same in my previous relationship (7 years) though I never gave him oral sex either (I figured fair is fair)ā¦ we just never spoke to eachother about it though and after separating we were speaking jokingly about this game and a question was about who swallows etc, he joked saying he wouldnāt know with me, I said āhey heyā¦ you never went down there either soooā and he actually confessed that he had never gone down on anyone before (we started dating at 20) and that there were a few times where he was going to but felt scared at the time š I actually felt awful that I never spoke about it, because truth be told I was pretty resentful over it as my previous partner frequently did and it was something I enjoyed.
I feel that your partner is being dismissive tbh. Giving oral sex to men is a bit of a chore at times too- itās not always a thing thatās particularly enticing for women and yet plenty of women do it.
I think youāre missing out!
In saying that, I know there will be plenty feeling as though someone shouldnāt have to do something they donāt want to which is also true. But I personally feel heās just being a bit selfish and lazy as heās been able to get it all for so long without also having to reciprocate š¤·š»āāļø
Iām so much more content in my relationship and sex life now with a new partner who is all about pleasing me, Iād be pretty upset if I voiced those desires and got that response š„ŗšš½
You are absolutely missing out. My Husband loves going down on me and I love him doing it. I have tried the satisfyer pro that someone suggested, but it is not the same and definitely not as good as my Husband. If he didn't go down on me, I definitely wouldn't be giving blow jobs
You giving him a BJ is completely up to you and if you enjoy doing it, then why stop just because he doesnāt like going down on you? Does he pleasure you in other ways? Iāve been with my hubby for 7 years and heās never done it to me because he doesnāt want to. I respect that it is not something he enjoys. Yes I still do it to him because I like it. Not everything has to be equal.
Girl, Club X have a toy called the Aurora. Go and buy that. You won't need your husband. It'll sort you out in under a minute. Don't buy any other brand or model, you won't regret it
I really disliked giving head with previous partners but I LOVE to do it with my husband. Maybe you could talk to your partner about trying oral with you, because it might be different to what he has experienced before.
I donāt agree with everyone telling you to withhold bjs as punishment, especially if you like to give head.
Try to find out exactly what he doesnāt like about going down on a woman and see if there are ways around it- e.g. fingers, clit, vibrator.
My ex husband never gave me oral but loved his BJāsā¦.. Every partner I have had since has initiated it including my new husband š
Our ages are quite similar as yours. When my husband and I were first together we used to 69, oral was new to me and I really didnāt like it and he hated it. So we didnāt do it for years I just gave him blow jobs and we had sex and 3 kids later in our 30ās my husband now goes down on me regularly I love it! I donāt know why he started it possibly working away in mining he was watching lots of porno. The first few times he started going down we were quite drunk too so thatās always make experimenting easier. I feel Iām more attracted to husband now that he enjoys going down on me.
I wish you luck you can but oral stimulater sex toys buy one of them and get your hubby to use it on you that might start him off