I’ve just found out im pregnant with my 3rd child im 37 years old and barely cope with the 2 I already have and working full time
Hubby does not want a third child at all we are finally in a good financial situation and have brought a nice home and feel settled in our careers.
I don’t want another baby but I am petrified of having an abortion I don’t know what to expect or how to even go about it
My mental health isn’t exactly in the best state and I am worried that the abortion will add to more mental health issues later down the track but i also know having a third baby will also affect my mental well-being
For those that have had an abortion how did u cope with the guilt afterwards?
Or did u have a third baby and everything was ok?
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
16 Replies
I had an abortion at 36, I had 4 kids already. I did not feel guilty because it was the right choice for me. I was like you everything was going well, history of severe depression and I just knew that I was doing the right thing by my family including the pregnancy because I would have been a terrible mum at that stage of my life. Don't feel guilty for making the best choice for your family.
Having an abortion is not bad at all in the scale of procedures we as women go through - especially when it’s weighed up against pregnancy and childbirth. Totally no comparison
I don’t regret having an abortion. I felt safe and cared for by the medical staff. The recovering was swift. Have never looked back, the decision was the right one for me. Do whatever feels right for you x
This is probably going to sound really callous but I feel like it may help to have some insight from a child's perspective.
My mother has struggled with her mental health for as long as I can remember. She openly admitted to me once that she should never have had my younger brother, her inability to cope fucked us all up a little bit. Us kids bore way too much adult responsibility and way too much of the emotional burden.
I think you need to think about what's in your best interests first and foremost but secondly I think you need to consider what's in the best interests of the two children you already have and the best interests of your family unit as a whole.
I’ve had an abortion I was only 5-6 weeks along and I had a surgical termination. I recovered well. It is hard to begin with but I honestly don’t feel guilt or regret now. You do what’s best for you and your family. Sending lots of love xx.
I had one and don't regret it at all!
We were in this same position a year ago, we are 34 and 35 and couldn’t believe we’d let it happen 🤦♀️ Hindsight haha!
Anywho we made the decision to have an abortion, it was hard but it was 100% the right decision for myself and our family
I think you need to be certain this is the right choice for you however, not for hubby only etc otherwise you will have resentment
My partner and I mention the “baby” every once in awhile and get a little sad about it but are still so certain that was the right choice for us.. he’s since had a vasectomy haha!
Good luck regardless of what you choice you will make it through because mamas always do!
I am now 54 and hubby 56, we had an abortion at 32 & 34 when our two kids were 6 & 9. My mental health would have suffered if I had continued on, like yourself we were really "getting our shit together" for want of better terms and it wasn't in the mix. Neither of us have ever regretted the decision (I just asked him to be sure), for us it was always a bunch of cells and a medical procedure, had we wanted it, we would have seen it as a baby. Hubby went on to have a vasectomy not long after.
I am very much pro-choice, but my heart always goes out to people when they have to make a choice. Sending hugs <3
Feeling for you and the hard choice ahead!
I had an abortion, I cope by thinking about the child I do have. I have moments when I think of the "what ifs" but to be honest If I could go back in time I would still make the same choice.
I would recommend seeing a councilor, maybe talking it over with someone removed will give you an opportunity to weigh up your options without influence.
If you really don't want to have an abortion, I say don't do it, its not an easy thing to do.
I get how tricky it is when the father doesn't want you to go ahead with the pregnancy, but at the end of the day you unfortunately are going to be the one that has to carry this mentally and physically.
Sending you lots of love x
I just had an abortion Monday for similar reasons plus the high risk to potentially my life but my kids are 10 and 8 my new parter had all the tests in the world and was told he couldn’t have kids naturally low and behold 6 months in im pregnant. He had and IVF baby with his ex and our life together was only just starting just bought a house after divorce etc. it’s still hard and maternal instincts kicked in but I knew for my already living children and their future and mine termination was the best choice. The women at the clinic were all lovely and supportive I recommend a surgical termination it’s under general you don’t feel a thing or remember. I had minimal bleeding some cramping and that’s all. I feel sad I couldn’t make it work but the baby wouldn’t have had the life he/she deserved and my living kids would have their stability taken as well as the potential risk to my health and life. Talk to a councillor, friends and family you may find them more supportive than you think. Thankfully we live somewhere where we have free choice over our body. No one can tell you what to do but knowing in yourself is ok and it’s ok to be ok with your choice. Good luck with everything. If you are near Coffs Harbour in NSW Bluewater Medical
centre is where you need to go. ♥️
have had 1, no regrets. a lot of what ifs, but no regrets. was not in a position to cope. was 9wks, bled for a couple of weeks, cramps sucked but got through it.
I had a termination 2ish years ago. I already had 2 kids and knew a 3rd would push me over the edge. It was rhe right decision for me and my family and I don't regret it at all. I highly recommend opting for surgical over medical. Make an appointment with your gp and have a chat x
I fell pregnant with our 4th. I knew I couldn’t do it mentally or physically. I had the worst morning sickness 24/7 for 9 whole months, with all 3 pregnancies. With 2 children needing to get to school, from past experiences, I knew that would not be happening! I also had MHI, I just knew I couldn’t do it. My ex husband was an alcoholic - so no real support from him. Financially we were struggling. It’s been 18 years since we made a decision to terminate. I often think of the what if’s? But I don’t have any ‘guilt’. I was 100% certain of my decision back then. I knew having a 4th, would deeply impact the 3 we had, something I wasn’t prepared to do. Sending hugs xx
I had a third surprise baby and everything was ok! I was struggling with 2 but 3 I found no different. My husband didn’t want a third but our little now 3 year old is awesome. Husband has now had the snip to prevent a number 4.
I just turned 37
I was 35 when I found out I was pregnant again; I had two teenage children already and had no intention of ever having more
We both had started new well paying jobs in the two years prior and brought a home
I was finally in the position to have a “ career” so to speak
My immediate response as well as my partners was to terminate
We sat with that for two weeks
I spoke to a few friends
And after sitting with things for those two weeks I decided to go ahead my the pregnancy
My partner was a little apprehensive but supportive of what I chose
Today we have a beautiful 1 year old boy who is the absolute apple of our and his older sisters eyes
Nothing has been easy (my partner also works away and I had a bit of a rough pregnancy ) but every second has been worth it
This little boy has changed our lives in the most magical way possible
I can’t even describe how different it feels becoming a mum again so long
I was so worried I’d struggle mentally and not bond with my child, I was a little detached at times in the pregnancy until towards the end ; there were a thousand reasons in my mind why this wouldn’t work and why it would be bad for our family
Instead he has given all of us a new lease on life
He changed me in ways I couldn’t even begin to describe, I thought I’d ruined my life becoming pregnant again
Instead he is literally the best thing that has happened for all of us in a very very long time
I can empathise with what others have posted here also, but I wanted to show you it’s also possible that you can be happy with another one ❤️
I’m 35 and almost exact same scenario. I had an abortion with Marie Stopes in January. Best thing I did. Mentally, I could not cope with returning to the baby stage. I finally chose myself and put my health first after all these years and I do not feel guilty. I sometimes wonder what might’ve been but I am constantly reminded that my plate is beyond full with kids, work, caring for my elderly parents, our animals etc.
Good luck in deciding what is best for you x