Hi ladies,
I am a young mum and I am in a very unhappy, toxic relationship and I don't know how to get out. Every time my fiancé and I fight he calls me names and basically says that I am not good enough, don't support him and I don't do anything for him.
In our 3.5yr relationship he has quit 5-6 jobs and been unemployed for half of our relationship and I am fed up. We have 2 children under 2 and he has just quit his job again. I keep saying I am going to leave him but I don't want to be judged for breaking up our family for 'no reason'.
There is problems in every part of our relationship.. My newest concern is the fact I am starting to get anxiety around him as I am in constant fear that he will yell at me for something..
Please help..
Unhappy young mum, how do I get out
Unhappy young mum, how do I get out
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
6 Replies
oh dear :( i'm so sorry you're in this position, I am in an almost identical situation, and it's horrible. i'll be following this post. I don't know how to get out either :(
Sweetheart, dont stay for the kids. Your children will be able to pick up on your unhappiness and the fighting. My mum was verbally and physically abused for 28years and only this year found the courage to get out. What a waste of her life. I wish she had've left my dad sooner. Already I can see the change in her, she ishappier, more confident, has more time for herself and doesn't have to listen to shit everyday! Your partner is showing your children that this is exactly how you should be treated and as they grow up they will think it's normal to yell at mummy/women. Your partner needs a wake up call. Could you suggest counselling to him before you decide to split and if that fails then maybe time to have a break or seperate. It is better to be from a broken home than living in one. Emotional abuse IS a reason to leave.
Kids would rather be in a happy home with parents separate than in a miserable home with parents that are together. You need to leave sooner than later so you don't become totally down trodden as it usually gets worse over time.
It's not that hard to leave and you don't need that much money. If you have joint savings you are more than entitled to take half.
Go on the centrelink website and work out how much money you are entitled to if you leave. You may also be able to claim an advance through centrelink to help you with some upfront expenses. You also may be able to lodge a claim online.
Some states like SA have a bond scheme where the housing commission pays your bond.
You don't need much to leave as far as furniture it's more important to get out then you can start building up belongings. A couple of mattresses on the floor and a cheap tv and cheap cooking equipment will get you started! Otherwise places like the salvos can help you out with furniture.
If you have family or friends that could take you in, while you save and look for a place to live then that's a really good option. Even if that means you and the kids squashed in one room it's better than where you are!
Honey abuse isn't always physical, your anxiety is proof of that. The kids are not a good reason to stay in a toxic environment. Having said that it does sound like he may have depression, its worth talking to a gp about. As for people who will judge you, its simply none of their business!
After being in a domestic violent relationship for 6 years, in my experience the emotional abuse is far worse than anything physical, 2 years on I am still battling the emotional scars it has left me with, if I could teach anyone anything, it's if your starting to notice your changing in a negative way because of a relationship, regardless of the love you have for that other person, you need to get out, I wish I new how much it was going to change me, an how badly I would suffer more after the fact than during the actual abuse... I also have two young girls under five who left with me, it was hard for them at the beginning, but once a routine was set an they knew what to expect things got easier, especially at such a young age, children are quiet adaptable an resilient, if you do decide to stay please get help an don't subject them to that same abuse as the cycle will continue... I don't know if that makes much sense, but I'm sure you understand my points good luck sweety
My reasons for leaving my horrible, anxiety riddled, verbally and emotionally abusive relationship: Become a happy, strong and independent single mum with the future opportunity to find someone who will love me unconditionally and show my children what a stable loving family is? Or stay with the children's father for the kids, and be miserable and have them grow up around miserable, angry people, and have them walk on egg shells 'just like me and repeat the cycle when they have partners?
My choice was easy, being UNHAPPY and MISERABLE and feeling ANXIETY due to the other person are BIG reasons to leave.
Let people judge, and have there say. My goodness people certainly had their say when I left my horrible relationship. (however did they have to live it? Hell no so their opinions were invalid!)
Guess what!?!?! Its been 4 years and I am engaged to the most wonderful, loving, caring, supportive and devoted man and I am so happy and our relationship is so beautiful and our family stable and loving, that I have never once looked back. He is the amazing man I wish I met a long time ago, And I am glad I made the RIGHT choice for my child and I. He is such an amazing dad.
Don't waste you life being miserable. lots of love to you, I hope you find strength and courage and see you deserve SO much MORE!!!! xxx