Please don't judge me, I know I'm the worst person/mother out there
My child is sucking the life out of me literally.
I've had her full time since day one. 7 years to be exact. She's ODD ADHD and hearing impaired. I work and run a house. It's f***n though. On top of her I have endometriosis and hyperthyroidism. I'm in a constant run down state. And now it looks like I have a tumor on my pituitary glad. I have breast milk pouring our of me right now along with headaches etc.
My daughter NEVER cuts me a break.
Tonight like most nights she's killed me. She's so ODD I just can function my self. It's like someone is squishing my brain.
Tonight was swimming lessons. She loves it. But we had a talk that she needs to get out when I ask her too. We talked about it all arvo. I even gave her the consequence this time that if she does not get out she will not be going back for a week. And when it came the time to get out she wouldn't. Now this is a child who swam off to the deep end a few weeks ago and had to be fished out by life guards. So the night ended in me screaming for her to get out and her having a meltdown. I'm so embarrassed now I don't want to ever go back. She never listens to the teacher. She always gets into the kids faces when they are having their moment. Never goes back to to the wall.
I got her to bed. Thought she was asleep come 8.30. She's been in there for 1.5 hours. Had her sleeping meds.
Im on the phone and she's demanding me. Demanding I scratch her back (I already did for 20 mins). I asked her politely to go to sleep she acted out. Resulting in the phone call ending. And us getting into a fight. I lost it turned off all the lights in the house and shut her door and listened to her cry and I don't even care. I know that sounds awful but I just don't have a connection with this kid of mine. Shes so awful. She so ODD. She always has to one up me. Always has to show me she doesn't care about these consequences. She doesn't care she isn't going to swimming next week saying she will just go the following week.
I try to be nice and fun. I try to bond and be a good mum but she always undoes everything.
She has an OT and speech teacher. But she just running me ragged.
Im currently sitting on 49kgs. Im struggling. I really am. I can't have friends over because she jumps on them or bosses their kids. We talk about wrong and right behind but she doesn't give two flying f****. Im not one to sware or get angry but im changing. Im at my ends now. Im slowly dying mentally and physically. I just don't have a bond with her and just want to adopt. Her father has never met her and was quite violent. But im thinking of maybe just handing her over. We are interstate but I don't care at this point.
Im at a loss on what to do. Shes controlling my social life, my family life, my parents can't have her as she just to much. Dad said she's more than all his 4 kids put together. She controlling my work life as I'm usually late. I've tried everything in the book to get her up and out.
This kid I just don't know what to do?!
Shes got ndis but we have been told we don't qualify for a suport worker. Shes on Ritalin which does help but not for ODD.
Night like tonight I cry so much, I just went to end my life. Or pack a bag and leave, and just let her wake up in the morning to me gone.
She's 6.5 I can't think of doing this for another 11.5 years. I would actually rather be dead.
I always wanted to be a mum, hence deciding to keep her. But my God this is not what I had in mind. I have 0 Bonding with her, 0 patients. Heck I actually don't even think I like her as her own person.
God help me, I know im going to hell. But this is just how I feel.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
7 Replies
Awww you poor Mumma. You are doing an amazing job. Please ring 000 if you fear your may hurt yourself or her. They will get you some help ASAP ok.
I find days hard and existing mentally and my kids don’t have any of these problems, so I can’t even imagine how you must feel and what you are going through.
The poor little girl and yourself. So sad for both of you.have you got anyone that can come and stay at your house, so you can spend some time out.
If you get overwhelmed, lay down and pop a movie on and shut off from her. As long as she can’t harm herself, just ignore her. Or take her out for a walk and tire her out.
Does she sit with an iPad or anything? Will that keep her still? I know it’s not ideal but in your case, if an iPad helps then do what ever it takes but sounds like she wouldn’t sit still for long.
Just remember you are an amazing mum and she is an amazing Little girl who needs her mummy.
It will get easier, hang in there and always come back on here for a chat if you ever need anyone. Please keep reaching out. You are so brave for admitting this and posting it. Keep strong Mumma and please go and seek professional help for yourself.
I’m so sorry to read you are struggling with this. Please know it’s not your bond, it’s your stress. And that can change, when you get the support you desperately need. A break and the right tools support school and routine can make all the difference.
You would be able to get onto a course for parents with ndis funding, as you need specific advice on how to handle her.
If you call facs and tell them or even copy and send this email so they know what you’re dealing with and where you are at mentally, you will be able to talk through your options. Maybe fostering with some home visits might be an option while you get yourself together.
Keep asking for help, it shouldn’t be this hard & it won’t always be.
Keep strong mumma. See if you can get some respite and have some time out for yourself.
Oh the pain you can sense in your words is heart breaking and no parent should have to feel that.
Take a deep breath, and first step don’t ever think you’re a bad mum. You’re a wonderful mum and doing a damn good job. You work, run a house, have a child who is a little more challenging and you’re doing it alone. You just need to find the right help, and once you find that, everything else will fall into place. Just keep telling yourself, she can’t help how she’s feeling and acting, she’s prob confused and struggling herself being so young and having areas she needs a little help in. Don’t give up on her and especially yourself. The dream you had of being a mother is still possible. So many great tips advice and help in here. Take it all in and reach out for it. You deserve the help and happiness
You’re doing the best you can right now and need some support. There have been some good suggestions though I must say getting respite is a very difficult thing.
My biggest suggestion would be getting a review with a Paediatrician (be completely honest with them) and reviewing her NDIS plan if possible. Are school having the same difficulty with her and can they also provide supports there?
My other big advice would be to contact a service in your area that does Family Support (this will be free) and arrange for some support from them to assist you in your relationship with your daughter. It won’t be a magic wand but they might help you with some strategies to avoid the power struggles that are happening and build some connection and calm into your life.
It sounds like you also need some counselling to help you process everything that’s happening.
Remember parenting is hard but supports are available. You’ve got a lot on your plate but please reach out to some of these services.
You need to stop allowing her to be on charge, she's a child.
I'd stop taking her to her activities, until she proves she deserves to go.
You need to put on your tough pants mummy, it may be hard but it's needed for both of you. Start saying no, putting punishments into act, take away the things she likes, if you want a friend over and she starts her crap, she goes to her room.
She's controlling your life because unfortunately you've allowed it, I know, I did it with my son (he's an only child and wad a shit of a kid) until I started saying no.
O Mumma I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I have no advice because I have no experience in this. I would 100% stop her swimming lessons for a while. Let her know that you will not be going back until you see and improvement.
Seek help from Orange Door or an organisation like that. You need to find some respite, even if that means she goes to a respite place on weekends. Go to a GP and let them know how this is affecting you mentally see if there is any supports they can offer.
Big Hugs