I’m stuck in a place where I don’t know what to do. My marriage is broken. Everyone in town and my work dislikes me. My ex has told me that I’m too negative along with a few friends which I ended up stop talking too. I’ve got to the point where I don’t know what to do. How do I stop being negative and withdrawn? I use to be so bubbly love being with friends now I just can’t be bothered to talk to friends or socialise. I feel like everything i say or do is wrong
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I have days like this where I feel I am always negative. I believe it’s from my upbringing. I could say something to my mum and there would be a negative response. Like if I said I am loving life. My mum would say something like of course you do, you don’t do anything or Similar. She would always be like this with anything. I could find a positive but she would twist it to make it negative towards me. I think it affected me long term to the point, I don’t know what to say sometimes because my mum created so much doubt in myself. It’s hard to shake after being raised like it for so long.
I also get anxiety and I find I just ramble to talk and sometimes it’s just negative talk, it’s not because I mean it but it’s because I am so anxious I just blurt crap out.
I also withdraw form people coz I don’t want to be that negative depressing person.
It takes a lot to train your mind and a slow process to get out of it but I feel amazing when I’m positive.
I cut a lot of contact with my mum, we are close but I cut back because of her negativity.
I now find positive things to say all the time and I keep it up all day and eventually it becomes a healthier and happier habbit. Being Negative is a habbit.
For her , it's all the time .
Not just on certain days .
Yes it takes time it’s not something you can change over night. She will need to see a psychologist.
Damn, if no one in any versatile walk of life doesn't like you, that's completely unfortunate but at least you know it's you and you aren't blaming everyone else. I'd be your friend based on just that admission, so that's a start .
Secondly make an appointment to see your Dr, you might need meds or therapy or both. Then go from there until you find yourself again.
I get it. I hate people and have a few different hats now. As an introvert, as someone who has ASD and ADHD, my relationships can be complex.
I often struggle with friends and the friends I have are long term. I seem to get hurt when relationships end and have been told once before that I am toxic.
You can't help how others feel and it comes down to how you feel about yourself and your self esteem.
My identity was Mum or XYZs ex partner. I then got a job and for the last 5 years, I've had to take on several different types of hats to accommodate expectations of my professional role.
I'm flat out exhausted afterwards. The way I debrief isn't towards friends... I really haven't had personal friends for awhile now namely because my ex bestie ditched me because I was toxic.
The thing is, the word toxic is thrown around faster than sugar on a donut. People might feel your negative but look at your environment! Obviously we project our feelings because those are mirrored to you and that really becomes a strong part of our identity after awhile.
My bestie was not helping me, it was very clear towards the end of the relationship now looking back that we wasted a lot of time trauma bonded and we had nothing in common anymore. I didn't like who I was, and I certainly didn't like how I was identified as her twin towards the end. This co dependency affected all facets of my life.
So break free and start again. It's hard, but the minute I got my job, I met other people and developed new relationships. Meanwhile, my bestie wasn't working or studying. I started getting creative, started putting together different goals, my bestie was on a cycle of self sabotage. Mind you, for many years before, I had relationship difficulties with my ex which are ongoing now but at least I can separate them. She was cycling through her marriage and cheating on her husband. I decided that wasn't for me.
Even though she broke off the relationship, it was because I just brushed her text off saying I didn't have time to hear about the recent drama or crisis because I was at work and time management is important... she realized that she was no longer a priority and obviously I realized I was responsible for myself and my family, not her.
You have to unlock yourself and untap that part of you. If that means start a fresh, go for it! I would rather regret the things I didnt didnt do even though I felt it important (I wouldn't condone drugs or violence) than regret the decisions I made right/wrong which made the difference at the time.
You sound beat down, time to rebuild. X