Partner & I have been together a few years now. Live together. No kids together. Really love each other but have had a very rough time (ex being completely off the rails for our entire relationship, brainwashing kids, angry & bitter. Partner has done some unforgivable things. etc etc.).
We have been to couples counselling. Get along most of the time, have an amazing time with each other & stick together the majority of the time.
But I have been thinking lately that if by now we aren't ready to make the next step of buying a house/getting married etc, should I just walk away? We're not getting any younger and by now (with my ex husband) I was married, had a baby & had bought our first home. Things don't seem like they 'should'. This is my opinion.
This time around..... things seem like we're at this point of not breaking up, but struggling to move forward.
Any advice?
9 Replies
By this stage in your previous relationship you were married, had a baby and a mortgage - yet that relationship obviously didn't work out so...
Do you actually want to buy a house with him? Have a baby with him etc? Or do you just feel obligated because that's what you're supposed to do?
Why do things have to move forward? Why can't they just be if you're happy?
I guess I’m not particularly happy because I want certain things in my life, like a happy family, marriage, our own home.
We have kids but not together. We will not be having any more kids. We’re in his old family home.
He knows how I feel & I guess I just feel like it doesnt matter that these things are important to me, he’s just happy plodding along in his own time & I just have to deal with it.
If that’s how he feels, maybe it’s not right for me?
Sorry but I see your goals as Very similar - yet you say you want a family life but when he’s doing that you call it plodding along. Isn’t that what a family life is? I think you might need to identify what goal you really want and make it happen. Nothing happens overnight and without a plan anyway.
Hmmmm since ex is such a pain in the ass I wouldn’t be using that relationship as a benchmark for anything.
Try not to compare. Just focus on what you’ve got right now. I do agree, an ex can’t make things up and down. You said current partner has done unforgivable things, and you don’t see a future or moving forward, then yeah think about pulling the plug on it.
Sorry, my bad.
It wasn’t my ex that is a pain in the ass!
So it’s his ex? That could be the hesitation in rushing in!
When you ask yourself "should I leave?", leave.
You're already not 100% invested once that thought crosses your mind.
You said he has done some unforgivable things. Yes move on. Sounds like you are wasting your time.
My advice would depend on the "unforgivable things"...
What are they? And how do they impact your repationship moving forward?