I feel frustrated in bed. I’ve been in a relationship for 18 months with a man who I feel very strongly attracted to. Every night I get into bed thinking about sex and whether or not we are going to. I have begun to feel extremely resentful towards him because he does not ever seem interested. So if I don’t move in close as though I am initiating sex then it doesn’t happen. I am not good at initiating because I’m afraid of the rejection. When I bring it up, he says he is tired, or he’s had too much to drink, or it’s too hot, or my daughters in the next room (which hasn’t always stopped us). I’ve stopped bringing it up because he gets so annoyed by having this conversation and says things that hurt my feelings. It’s obvious he hates the pressure. And he thinks I’m trying to make him feel like shit. After any issue I bring up, he will become quiet for days which drives me round the bend. We are in our early 50’s. I am perimenopausal and feel horny all the time. He seems the complete opposite. I want him to touch me so bad but I can’t ask. I am not sure if I am being realistic with my expectations which is making me really confused about my feelings towards him.
5 Replies
You’re not sexually compatible, so end it.
Neither of you are right or wrong, you just have different needs.
He also has trouble, as a man, discussing his lack of drive, it makes him feel less of a man, hence his defensiveness.
You are both feeling insecure and shit about yourselves, so again, end it.
If you had been together 20 years, my answer would be different, but it’s new, that’s why you date, to find out if you’re compatible and you unfortunately aren’t.
End it. I wasted 5 years with a guy like this. He was cheating on me with a teenager when he was 30. If you're not sexually compatible and he won't do anything about it you need to either stay and resent him or end it now. It's only been 18 months so won't be a huge loss.
I am in my mid 30’s and have trouble with wanting sex (I’m female) when my relationship first started I was easily aroused not sure if it was the new loving relationship or the new found confidence from weightloss, but it was hard on him because he had issues in bedroom and couldn’t stay hard so we spoke to his dr together (it took nearly 3 months to convince him) now it’s totally opposite he doesn’t need the tablets and is easily aroused and I’m not overly interested but when it’s initiated we both love it. Sex is a hard topic but it’s something that needs to be talked about. I’m glad I stuck it out until we worked on it because I have the most amazing future husband (getting married in 2023) now.
Many people are saying to end it but I believe that’s the easy way out - life is not easy sometimes. My husband and I had the same problem. He went to the doctor and got viagra! After using the tablets he’s never had the problem again. I think he was just stressed and exhausted and couldn’t get it up. Taking the viagra definitely helped and a good romp in the sheets before sleeping helped him sleep better and it sorted itself out, he’s back to normal. As far as the perimenopausal thing, that’s me! He can’t always be there to help so I bought a Satisfyer Pro 2 and sort myself out when needed. Best purchase of my life!!
There is so much more to a relationship than sex. Spend some time together, reconnect. Buy some lingerie or try to spice things up another way. I would not leave mine just because he has a lower drive as he's my best friend. I also know this is my issue and not his. This is the time to buy a toy, not end a relationship.