Background to my marriage. I have been married 26 years with 2 amazing children now in early 20's and not at home.
My husband is a very generous man but as for romance and talking about any issues we have had over the years that is very non existent. I have hardly ever felt adequate with him and believe it is due to his ideas/ways but also my low self esteem.
This time last year he wanted to separate and couldn't/wouldn't tell me why. Fast forward he didn't follow through so here we are getting along well like friends with occasional sex.
We don't argue, run two businesses together, only dine out with a group of friends never alone. We adore our children and I know he cares for me as for being in love with me I'm not sure anymore.
Two days ago while travelling for work he called and said he felt unwell. He checked into hotel 4 hours from home as he had work booked in. The next morning rang and said to cancel his work as he couldn't get out of bed. He sounded terrible so I didn't call back for most of the day but when I did, no answer for quite a few attempts. I then got hotel management to do a check that he was ok. He was able to talk but was quite unwell and refused to have a doctor come see him. He called at 9pm last night still unwell and said sleep was what he needed.
I called this morning to check on him and the phone went to voicemail three times. Hotel management have said his room is empty. Am I overreacting to be pissed at him for not at least sending me a message or call as to how he is or where he is heading? We have a holiday home halfway and the timeline should have him there or home by now.
He knew how worried I was last night for him. Am I in the wrong with my thinking or is he being selfish?
Feeling torn between angry, worried and the caring person that I always am with others.
Am I overreacting?
Am I overreacting?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
15 Replies
Yer wow he is hiding something from you. I think he has another women to be honest. Sounds very suspicious and are you sure he isn’t hiding an addiction? I would be totally pissed off. Soemthing isn’t adding up.
Have you heard from him at all since? Could he be depressed? You would be worried sick.? Could he have someone else?
he prob wasn’t sick but upset Didn’t want to go home. I think you need to have an open discussion with him.
perhaps another lady on the scene and not wanting to go home to his life that he was away from. Either way you need to talk to get to the bottom of it!
Not to be an alarmist but this is the point I'd be calling police to report a welfare concern!
He's a man who's presumably in his 50s (or close enough to), has been unwell, you can't get in contact with him and he has yet to have made it to any of his expected destinations within a feasible time frame.
I'd be sick with worry if I were you!
Once that issue is resolved, then it's time to be taking a close look at this relationship because it sounds done.
Sounds like he's sick if hotel management spoke to him. I'd say he's gone to a doctor and has his phone on silent or woke up and started driving home but has pulled over to sleep. Unlike the other commenters I don't go straight to thoughts of him being horrible. I'd be worried... And because I'd be worried I'd be angry at the lack of communication. There might be a valid reason for that though
Couldn't agree more!
My first thought was "geez, I hope this guy is okay" not "that's suss, bet he's got a woman in his room".
I'd hate to imagine the kind of paranoia a person must live with to immediately jump to that conclusion.
No but a husband would contact her knowing she was worried, if he wasn’t in his hotel room. Why wouldn’t he message or ring hotel reception if he was sick and left the hotel. It’s very strange. Hopefully he is ok but I would certainly be suss considering their circumstances. Hopefully he’s turned up home. Sounds like he didn’t want to go home. He may very well be depressed.
I agree, it's strange behaviour. I just tend to think the idea of him putting on a big farce to hide a woman in his room is the least likely possibility.
Having experience with family members who struggle with mental health issues, my first instinct went there. My second thought was that he got too unwell/disoriented to keep driving. An affair didn't really cross my mind as the first logical explanation.
Likewise, I also hope OP has heard something from him by now. She must be beside herself if she hasn't 😔
Sorry I didn’t mean hiding a woman in his room. I meant hiding the fact that he may have a woman else where and avoiding going home. Once rule out he is ok weather sick or mental health then get to the bottom of it that he may be hiding something. I would be worried sick too. the first thing you think he would do in the morning is message or call and say he is leaving, feeling better or not. Taking his time driving home. Anything. Mental health and sickness would be first concern of course. It’s her back story of him wanting to seperate and not knowing why. Hope he is ok.
He wanted to seperate last time and couldn’t tell her why.? That’s not suss. Staying at a hotel and disappearing is not suss? She’s home with the kids, his kids and worried sick. Something isn’t right.
She's not home with the kids. Clearly says they're adults and don't live at home.
Either way he has kids and a wife at home who would be worried.
If you guys have a holiday home halfway what are the chances he's managed to get himself there instead of being stuck in a hotel?
I know I wouldn't want to be stuck in a hotel sick, noisy frkn people in hallways, bad aircon, curtains that don't block light properly.
He may have meant to message but didn't, you know how brain fog works. Think the whole way "I've gotta text home", get there exhausted and just focus on making it to bed before falling on the floor.
Are you wrong for being worried? If course not. I do reckon you're being way OTT with everything else though.
I know when I'm sick I just want to be left TF alone with my painkillers and powerade. I don't want phone calls or people checking on me. I want dark, quiet and sleep. I'd say his phone is on silent and he's moved either because he didn't want the bill of being stuck sick in a hotel, or didn't want them constantly being sent to wake him up.
Give him a day or two to sleep the worst of it off. If you haven't heard by then go for a drive to see if his car is there.
It's now a day since you posted, have you got an update? Could he have gone to emergency to see a Dr? That can take hours. His phone might be in the car or flat. If you think he was genuinely sick I wouldn't rush to the conclusion that he's up to no good. I hope it's a good outcome for you all!
This just popped in on FB. I hope your Husband is okay and has been in contact or is now home