Sorry if this is a bit long and jumbled!
So, I have known my best friend for a long time and I just don't know how to continue the friendship with the way things are.
I have small children (and had them young) and she has always seemed to love them but also will say things that come across nasty (such as "He doesn't talk very well" or "She has such big forehead!) and I've mentioned it to her that it can be hurtful but she just says she's joking.
She's now pregnant with her first baby and I was immediately excited for her, gave her heaps of hand me downs and lots of presents. But not once have I ever got a thankyou and the most I've gotten is "Oh cute" or "these wont fit for a few years". I lost baby at 8 weeks gestation and she continously says "Wow? Think about how big you would be now! Good thing you found out it died early!" I still find it really upsetting and it shocks me that she can be so flippant over it.
Her husband it best friends with mine and we all get on as a group, even better than her and I do alone now. I recently found out she slept with someone else a few years ago, and isnt planning on telling him, and apprantly used me as an excuse to where she was. I don't judge her but at the same time I am really uncomfortable with it.
I guess what I'm asking is: should I continue this friendship or cut her off? But don't want my husband to lose his bestfriend either! I really don't know what to do and its really getting me down. Has anyone had a friend like this? What did you do?
Thanks in advance!
3 Replies
She sounds insensitive. I'd just stop organising things in a one on one way. That way your husband doesn't loose his friend. You can make excuses easily enough not to see her at other times
No way would I spend time with this person if I could avoid it. I would just stop organising one on one things, and see what happens. If she organises to spend time with you, then I would suggest you could, but stop doing it on your end. I think she would probably stop soon enough on her end as her words and actions suggest she has little regard for your feelings.
Your husband can still keep his best friend, you don't have to be best friends with his partner. Maybe they can go off sometimes and just do guy stuff.
I would be straight up honest with her. That's just me. I would say your comments are so rude and insensitive to my situation, and tell her you don't feel comfortable been used as a cover story. Use specific examples, tell her you cannot continue to be friends with someone who puts you down or your kids down. I think it's worth trying to fight for the friendship, I think it's important for your husband also. But if she doesn't change then I would just try not to see her one on one and just have group dates