Im sorry this is so long......
I was with a man for just over a year, yes we moved fast and ended up moving families in together within 4 months. This honestly was the first time I've ever felt real love. I was previously married for 13yrs and separated for 7yr. We had spoken several times about marriage and our future and for once in my life I felt so whole.
When we first met i had my kids 50 50 and he had his kids every 2nd weekend. Within a few months my daughter came to stay fulltime, she is 16. He was completely on board with this as it was the best move for her. Fast forward to Christmas and my son has moved in full-time also. Our house was only small and we kind of were all on top of each other and I began noticing my partner not coping so well. I would constantly check in on him to make sure he was ok as this was all knew to him and me also. He would always say he is good and that he's got me 100% and I honestly never doubted that. The kids father has always been hell to deal with and intimidated me until I met my partner who taught me to be so much stronger. We always said how much of an amazing team we were and that we can make it through everything.
So about 2 months ago my kids obviously going through alot with pulling away from there dad, they really needed my complete attention but this put a strain on our relationship (with my partner). He would never say anything but I could absolutely always tell, I felt like I was in the middle of everyone making sure everyone was always OK. I felt like we had drifted, he had started to stop touching me as much and sex completely stopped. I thought it was just all to do with the big change within the house but I kept feeling like something was wrong. I did what I shouldn't have and I looked up his social media and he had been searching up all these girls that lived local and it just broke me. I confronted him and he said he didn't do it but later said he did. I found out he has all these only fans accounts which I would have been fine with but he always said he never liked any of that type of stuff. Now I'm very open with sex and porn so I don't know why he'd lie?
Anyways we started arguing often but God we still loved each other so much. He then told me he'd been unhappy for a few months which bloody hurt. He said he was jealous of my kids and that he missed our time when it was just me and him. I knew where he was coming from but it was what it was. I ended saying that I was going to look for somewhere to move to and he agreed and then he asked if we could still keep seeing each to which I absolutely wanted. He bought his girls over the 2nd weekend after we moved in and it was so awesome and them we were ment to meet up just me and him and he has completely ghosted me , it was his idea to meet up? I'm not gona lie I have been an absolute mess, the love I have for this man is like I've never felt but yo ghost me completely has hurt me more than anyone ever has.
Would you walk away completely or would you want answers, am I stupid to still want him? I suffer from anxiety and depression and im really not coping đ˘
14 Replies
I think you need to really look at what you think love is. Because my red flags went up the minute you said it was fast and youâve never felt it like that before. Thatâs one hot tip that itâs a big show and it wonât last. Noones that great, and he sure isnât. Heâs jealous of your kids, he didnât support you at all when you were under pressure. He sooked and added to your mental stress, not a quality youâd be able to handle in a lifelong partner.
I think youâve seen enough to logically let it go - you just have to get your heart to get on board, for your own well-being, you deserve better and you wonât find it while youâre pining for this guy.
Great advice, agree
It sounds like he was inconvenienced by your kids being there and you knew it because you kept asking if he was OK. Even when you only have your kids sometimes you should always be ready to have any or all of them full time. Anything can happen. I think any partner that doesn't get that shouldn't be given the time if day. Let him go, he has probably hooked up with someone new now, leave him where he is and have enough respect for your kids to not take him back if he shows his face again.
Walk away as hard as it it. Heâs prob tried it and didnât feel the same and has prob hooked up with someone else. Better to walk away and focus on your kids. There will be another out there that it suited to you. For now enjoy being alone and done be used by this guy when he has no one else. Stand up be strong and move forward now. He canât be trusted.
Honestly, I can see his side. My husband had his children rarely (through no fault of his own) when we got together but my daughter lives with me 100%. Fast forward 3 years in and we have them every weekend putting a gigantic financial pressure on us. Like you mentioned regarding housing, ours was also too small so we had to move to somewhere more expensive and bigger.
I definitely felt similar to you partner. I was overwhelmed and felt I suddenly was in a situation that I couldnât deal with. We never got alone time anymore (my daughter would sleep at my mums probably once a month prior, 3 children the same age and 1 thatâs 2years older would be too much for her alone) so our lives stopped basically.
I think you knew he couldnât cope. He kept saying he was ok probably to not add more pressure to you. I think itâs best to walk away. 2 teenagers moving in full-time is a lot!!
He shouldnât be made to be a villain if thatâs not something he signed up for.
Not something he signed up for? Did he not know she had kids? If you are not the primary carer you are still a parent and there's always a chance those kids come to you full time. Anything can happen to the primary carer or their household. I just find it disgusting when parents or their partner aren't prepared to take on the kids, don't live with someone with kids if you aren't prepared for the possibility of them all coming to live with you.
Sadly there's a lot of women out there that see their children as a part of the family and the man's children as burden, even an option that is disposable. The irony is in most of these situations, the man earns more, so financially supports her kids and does more day to day parenting, but she can't even meet him a quarter of the way and be a good parent 4 days a fortnight.
Yep. It reminds me of the post a while back about the Mum that had just moved to another state with her partner. His ex ended up either in jail or had family services take kids off her so his two kids had to go live with him but she didn't want her kids to have to share bedrooms so she was trying to get the grandparents to take them. Probably the saddest post I've ever read I do hope those kids are currently loved wherever they are.
I was once chatting to a guy with three really young kids, like toddlers. I declined a date because my kids were a lot older and I just couldnât go back to all that. Itâs fairer on everyone if you cut it before it begins, not treat the kids bad because you resent them, or hurt peoples hearts down the track.
Thatâs so emotionally intelligent to know your limits and honour them.
Yes so true, itâs not right. If you get into a relationship with a person with 2 kids and you have 2, youâve got 4 kids. Itâs poor form to actually resent and discourage him from supporting his own children while enjoying him supports your own. Kids suffer poor adult behaviours and itâs got to stop.
I have a cousin who had 4 kids, but had split care then she married a guy with 5 and then they had one. They had his kids on the weeks she didnât have hers. Thier mum died and so they had to have 6 kids plus 4 on the fortnight. Itâs hard for her, and itâs always a possibility you should be prepared for if you make the choice to partner with someone with many kids.
Definitely not in this situation, I run my own successful business and have never needed or wanted any of his money. I was more of a patent to his 2 kids than he ever was so im not sure where you getting this info?
You have been given an out. Donât try and contact him. Donât try and see him. Just block his number, block his socials, block his email.
He is not a man, he is a pathetic excuse for a man. He has ghosted you, so he is done. Move on. It hurts. I was ghosted by someone who i loved too, it gets easier. DO NOT, i repeat DO NOT initiate contact, or reciprocate contact.
This âmanâ is messing with you. He was jealous of your children, thatâs just pathetic.
My partner of 3 years loves my son to death, he refers to my son as his own. He has never been jealous of my child. I have my son for 95% of the year, he is away for a week or so with his bio father. Still no jealousy.
Take your babies and live the heck out of them, live for you and them. They will always have your back.
Agreed!