I met this guy about 2 years ago and we fell in love with each other straight away. Things have been going quite well both physically and mentally. He is 10 years older than me. There's no doubt I feel happy and safe when I am with him. Recently he said he fascinates watching three people having sex and would like to try. Either we find another man or woman. I appreciate him being honest to me but can't bring myself to accept the idea. To me I can't let anyone touch me if there is no love. I explain this to him but he thinks I can just separate body and soul temporarily while doing threesome. I questioned if he is sick of me but he said he still enjoys doing it with me he just wants to have some "excitement". He thinks if I truly love him I would do it for him. We have had few conversations about this topic and always end up no where. He is a good person otherwise - I am sure because he is not just nice to me but also nice to other people even helping the strangers etc. I feel his high sexual drive and unusual fantacy is starting to affect our relationship. I don't know how to say no anymore because he keeps saying if my love is unconditional why I am not willing to try it FOR HIM. I don't want to force myself to do it but I don't want to keep arguing with him I am afraid if we keep going like this we might break up. Please share some advices thank you.
22 Replies
Him saying ‘If you loved me you would do this for me’ is really gross him trying to manipulate you. If you aren’t comfortable with it, don’t do it. No means no, not try harder. He needs to accept that you’re not into it and let it go, not try and coerce and manipulate you into doing what he wants.
Once the old "you'll do it if you love me" gets used you know the relationship has run its course. It was nice while it lasted but do not ever let him move your boundaries.
My exact response would be "if you truly loved me you wouldn't be pushing when I already said no. I'm sick of saying no, now my answer is fuck off".
A great guy would take no for an answer and never bring it up again.
He’s trying to manipulate and pressure you into doing something that goes against your nature.
Stay strong, no means no.
Sounds, abusive and a bit rape-y (for lack of a better word). “Separate body and soul” “if you love me you’ll do it”
My ex husband had a rape fantasy, instead of talking to me he played out his sick fantasy on me, multiple times. Each time i screamed for help and he thought i was playing along. He claims it’s not rape because it was between us and it was just a fantasy, that i was never in danger. I disagreed and left him.
Fantasies should sometimes stay fantasy. A threesome for you doesn’t sound like a good idea, so he can keep fantasising or you leave.
He is making you feel bad until you say yes to something that you do NOT want to do. Do NOT do anything that you do not want to do. There is no way that I would have a threesome and if my husband put this to me and kept pressuring me or making me feel bad about it then I would tell him to move out. Stand up for yourself here and stand your ground. NO means NO, it’s you who has to live with yourself afterwards and what you have done that you didn’t want to do. Do NOT give into him. If he loved and respected you enough. He would let it go. He is manipulating you into doing this. To change your mind. All it shows is lack of respect for you. These words alone are enough to make you question your relationship.
Don’t be afraid to break up. Kick his ass out of he keeps being a disrespectful and selfish pig. He isn’t considering you at all. You have only been with him 2 years. What’s to say he hooks up for a threesome and ends up wanting to be with the other person, it happens. Don’t let him control you with his manipulation. Break up with him. If he loved you so much, he wouldn’t question you again over it.
If he loves you, he will stop manipulating you. Don’t give in, if that’s what he really wants then let him go and not come back.
He doesn’t respect you or your boundaries.
He’s manipulative.
You are sexually incompatible.
End it lovely x
This is coercion, nothing more and it's sick.
Good guys want their girl to be having as much fun as they are, they don't want her to participate in something that she won't enjoy or isn't comfortable with.
Good guys understand enthusiastic consent, they don't pester her until she says yes.
This would be a deal breaker for me, I don't care how nice he is to old people or how helpful he is to strangers.
Well he is waving some red flags there.”if you love me you’ll do it” WHAT?!
“I just want some excitement” so after that, what will be next?
You’ve said you don’t do casual sex, so it’s a no, that’s your boundary and he’s walking all over it. You end up nowhere, NO is NO. he is the one who should end up nowhere, because you have clearly said no, you’re totally not into it.
My advice is to look into this relationship and really look if it’s been good for you, is he respectful? Has he ignored your wishes before? Manipulated you to get what he wants? Uses “if you love me” to get you to do things you don’t want to.
My advice on what to do on this one is say no, end of, and let him make his choice. Bullying and nagging and coercing someone into sex is not consent.
He's a creep.
Omg he's a fucking pig. Doesn't give a shit about your feelings at all. In fact I'll bet my right tit the swine has already cheated
Oh no :( please read about narcissistic men. They maintain an image of being 'nice' when really they are manipulative and he's most likely gaslighting you. He is making you question your values. Always hold on to those or you risk losing yourself in his sordid world. This is just the beginning. You say yes then it will get worse and he may still leave and then how are you left feeling... He is not good enough for you. No 'nice' man pressures a woman into this. If you are happy to experiment in the bedroom in other consensual ways to spice things up that's one thing but what he is doing is not nice at all.
If he truly loves you he wouldn’t do it or go ahead with it
You man is not a great guy. If he loved you he would respect your comfort and boundaries. That’s way more important than some fantasy. And then he has the audacity to make this sound like your fault! What a gaslighting jerk.
That's not love, if he loved you he wouldn't ask you to do something you don't want to. I personally would walk away now, doesn't sound like he's going to let it go. He has no respect for how you feel either.
This is so not ok. The fact he has repeatedly asked you after you have expressed your disdain to the request indicates he has not respected your response or he has chosen not to hear you. You have said you are not interested which should be enough. The fact he continues to ask is concerning. You have said you are not interested in having a threesome. That response should be enough. He is not showing you respect nor is he being respectful. He is willing to allow you to feel uncomfortable to quell his desires and fantasies. Totally selfish and self indulged. If you were ok with it and a willing participant that would be fine but you are not. Stand strong and don’t be bullied into something that may emotionally damage you filling you with regret.
I had a threesome with a couple.
Best thing I ever did
But don’t let him manipulate you! It is your body and your choice. Anything less than an enthusiastic yes is a no
And my response would be if you love me you wouldn’t force me to do something that makes me uncomfortable it’s really that simple.
No man is ever worth you being put in a situation that makes you uncomfortable if he continues to push you then I’d be showing him the door!
My ex-husband used to bring up anal (not the reason I left) and I always told him if that's what he truly wanted he would need to find someone else. He never once pressured me, and if anything I think he was more embarrassed just mentioning it then I was, but i made it very clear that I wasn't willing to be coerced or pressured and that was that. What your Husband is doing it wrong, and could be seen as emotional abuse. Please talk to him openly and if you get nowhere then you need to decide how you feel about it all. Good luck op x
Is he watching a lot of porn?
I'm hearing the red flags waving about
" If you love me you will do this "
Ummmmm back it up honey
No it should be " if you don't want too that's understandable "
Both parties Need to be on board 100%
I've done 3 ,4 & so on
It's a big deal
Don't do it if your not sure
Someone will get hurt