Hi IM's
Just after some advice on distancing myself from my husband emotionally.
We separated 8 weeks ago his decision and he is adamant that he isn't willing to reconcile or even try and work out our problems. I have come to terms with this unfortunately.
We are still tied to each other financially as we have so much debt. We also have a 2.5 y/o and I'm 15 weeks pregnant (yes baby was planned) we talk everyday so he can face time with DD as we moved interstate to be with my family for support. Everything has been his decision and reflecting on our relationship I can see how he has been controlling to some point throughout our relationship. I personally believe he has depression but can't/won't admit it.
I suppose I am after some constructive ways of distancing myself from him. Cutting him off/ contact with a dd is not an option I will not put her in the middle of all of this. I still love him and deep down I think I will always believe that there may be a tiny chance.... I just don't know how to break the emotional connection to him. I am getting counseling and that has helped me a lot. I just feel like I'm taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back.
5 Replies
I dont think there really is alot you can do to break the emotional bond... he was a partner, you share children and it has only been 8 weeks. Time would be my only advice. Im sorry you are going through this :-( *hugs*
Just reposted on the Facebook site for you too mum. Big hugs! xKelly
It takes time. Just concentrate on getting to know who you are again as a single mum and concentrate on you dd and family and remember that his problems are no longer yours and that he needs to fix them himself
I don't know, I think it takes time and it's early days. I think the rule is 1 month for every year you were together ? Is how long approximately it takes to grieve the loss of relationship ending?
Sorry I don't have advice, just wanted to wish you well though. It's so hard, especially right on Christmas.
If bubs was planned, did he not tell you when you were planning? or is this a rash decision on his part? Maybe you are right with the depression thing.. :All the best, I have found that things seem to always work out exactly how they are supposed to when you look back on it.
I have recently separated from my husband - 4 months ago - in my case it was my choice, however it was still very difficult to break the emotional ties, we have 2 young children, and he also left us with a large debt. My advice is to try and separate yourself financially first. Set up a new bank account in your name only, if you like, link accounts for your children. I found the bank VERY VERY helpful. Next contact Centrelink, find out what you are entitled to & apply for it all, including child support. I know it sounds a bit cold, but you have to put yourself & your children ahead of any concerns about him now. Have it go into your new account. Write yourself a budget. Once you see that you are a capable person, who can manage (you can) you may be find that the emotional stuff is a little easier. Good luck, keep up the counselling xo