Looking for advice please and sorry for the long rant.
I work for and live with my partner. Since covid I have been working from home so have gone from seeing my partner in the office everyday to a little at night.
Last night he got home at 8.40pm (which is pretty late for him) and he was asleep on the couch by 9.10pm.
My children spend every 2nd weekend with their father - and that is this weekend.
I went to bed, 2 hours later he joined me. I told him I didn’t think I was important to him and only worth 30 mins of his time. After a while he said I’m sorry you feel that way. I then said a few more things like I would love it if you could come home at a reasonable time once every fortnight when we don’t have the kids, we don’t get time to do anything together anymore and I want to spend some time with you. After a few minutes of silence I asked him if he thought I was being ridiculous - his reply, now I’m
really angry - I bust my butt working all day and then I get home and you’re busting me. He went out to sleep in the couch, when I went out to talk to him he said he was done, and sent me to bed like a child.
He went work this morning and 13 hours later I have seen or heard nothing from him?
Is this normal behaviour - should I be feeling like I have done something wrong? There was absolutely no raised voice, just a few tears and now I feel like the worlds worst. I adore this man and am terrified of him leaving me. I will have no job snd nowhere to live with a 14 and a 12 year old. Please be nice, I’m so upset.
Advice please
Advice please
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
5 Replies
Doesn’t sound like you’ve done wrong. Either he’s stressed and overworked and it was the straw that broke him, or he’s feeling done with the relationship, or he’s cheating and this hurt caused to you wouldn’t bother him at all as long as he got out of it.
I am a business owner and it is so stressful. It does not end. There have been so many times when I have walked in the door after being on my feet for up to 18 hours and I've just immediately crashed. My partner does not dare get cranky at me when I do that lol. So I can see it from his point of view, sometimes you have to work late, come home exhausted and the last thing you need is someone making it about themselves. Consider going back to the office so you see each other more.
He was exhausted and just wanted to sleep, not the best time to have a d and m.
I’m sure it will blow over.
Maybe consider getting your financial independence, a job outside of his business, so you aren’t so dependent on him in case it doesn’t work out. You have kids to support, you don’t want to be so vulnerable.
You nagged him while he was trying to sleep after a long arse day. I'd be pissed off too. Find a better time to fight your battles chick.
You mentioned that 8.40 is late for him, had you considered that maybe he had an absolute sod of a day? I mean, he was very clearly tired if he couldn't stay awake past 9.10!
Then by the time he actually got into bed at around 11pm you wanted to tell him how unimportant he was making you feel and a 'few other things' you felt the need to say - surely you can recognise that wasn't the best time, no one is at their most receptive or rational when they're physically and mentally exhausted! It's also quite possible he's feeling extremely under appreciated.
If your relationship is otherwise healthy and happy, I tend to think an apology is owed for ambushing him whilst he was tired. Then try and have a more productive conversation about how you'd like to spend some quality time with him when the children are away.
If this is one of many problems and your relationship can be described as dysfunctional, I think you really need to work on gaining some independence so if things do go sideways, you won't be left broke, unemployed and homeless.