I have been married for more than 20 years and I’ve just found out he’s been chatting to a woman overseas. Messages were sexual but no sexting photos or phone sex. He sent her flowers and comments on her photos she’s so beautiful etc. he says he was lonely and she gave him attention. He’s apologised and says it was a mistake. I believe he’s not done this before but I’m so heartbroken and not sure to stay or go? I’ve suggested counselling which he’s agreed to. Can I get back to our old relationship? Has anyone been in this situation and been able to move forward and trust again?
7 Replies
I’d take a big step back. Make him chase you, seems like that’s what he wants.
Nope walk away and make it clear you won’t put up with this, else you will be living like this forever if you don’t deal harsh consequences now. Of course it will continue. Be harsh and make him really work to get you back.
Says someone who's probably only been married five minutes. She's been married a long time and you're advising her to walk away. I agree with the rest of your message tho.
Mid life flirting crisis . He just wants some validation and spice from someone else. He wants to romance someone again . Make it you. He would probably never even cheat face to face . I've been married 28 yrs and this shit absolutely goes on in a lot of long term marriages. It's usually harmless lust, but it still fucking hurts . It's still a huge betrayal. Bring this show pony back to basics he's just lost his way. He doesn't want this woman nor does he love this woman he's just after some distant excitement. Typical bored male behaviour. Give him a bloody hard talking to and warn him what your plans are if it doesn't stop immediately. You don't want it to get to escalation, even tho it's unlikely it will, it's not the point.
My answer would have been different if you had said he was a long term cheater or If he'd done this before now.
This is my post and I actually feel this is actually what happened with him, yeah it hurts like hell though
Seeing as you're not sure what you want to do, I'd give the counselling a go. If it doesn't help, you're no worse off but it may be the first step in repairing your relationship or it may just help you process your emotions so you have the clarity to know what you want moving forward.
4 years on from my husband doing this to me and I regret not leaving.
We did couple counselling and individual counselling and all it did was help him to find the excuses he needed for his behaviour. I never felt like my broken trust was ever acknowledged or addressed because it was all about why he felt the need to reach out to other people and where that stemmed from in his childhood.
I stayed because I believed it and because I wanted to help him become better.
All I did was loose myself and resent him for never admitting that he cheated.
This was my experience, yours maybe different but know that none of this was your fault! Stay strong mumma. I’m rooting for your happiness, how ever it ends up.