I’m after a bit of help..
my ex has started to alienate me from my kids when they are with him.
I’ve made it pretty clear he can’t control me anymore and now he has moved to this.
He is a sociopathic narcissist.
Every Interaction (which is rare) is difficult.
It doesn’t need to be. I can have a civil conversation about our kids (because that’s all we need to discuss now days) but he seeths hate towards me..
I should be the one to hate his guts as he had an affair and broke up our family but I don’t. I just want to be on a level playing field… fairs fair.
Move on… be happy…
Our kids are priority.
He’s always had a girlfriend since our marriage ended which has never bothered me ( I feel sorry for them to be with him!) and I took my time to find someone and when he found out I had a boyfriend that’s when he became angry and hateful and horrible. ( FYI I’m no longer with the guy…. It Just didn’t work out. ) But the hate has continued…
But my kids shouldn’t suffer.
If he messages and asks for the kids to call I always tell them to calk him.
My kids always say dad didn’t tell us you called or messaged when I ask why didn’t you ring me back. (When they return to me)
It’s not there fault.
We have never had a written agreement but I know I need to do this now.
He changes the goal posts of our agreements now and I missed out on seeing my kids for Christmas because he chose to keep them (we do week on week off) and really what could I do?
My kids were upset and wanted to see me but they couldn’t tell him that because… well frankly they are scared to say anything that may upset him.
And he would make it about him and guilt trip the kids.
They don’t need that.
It makes me so sad to think they are in this situation. Emotional abuse is NOT ok but they do deserve to have a dad in their lives so I would never try take that from them.
I pray and hope the 50% I’m with them I can have a positive impact on their lives and well… they aren’t too fucked up in the end.
So….
Can I do a parenting agreement through the court (he has to be accountable) and do they actually work?
Does anyone have any experience about what happens when one party breaks the agreement?
My ex is a rule breaker. Always has been and frankly always will be.
Thanks
4 Replies
Get a lawyer and cut them back from 50/50 sort it out in court. Ask the kids what they are comfortable with. I would stop the 50/50 until it is in court and in place. Protect yourself and the kids. There is a free legal line ring them.
Time to stop worrying about what he deserves and stand up for your kids. Emotional abuse is not ok or just something mild because it’s not physical. Yes get a plan in place and start standing up for yourself and your kids.
Parenting agreements are not enforceable - however, I believe it's the first "official" step, and the courts will want to see the orders, and the breaches, before placing a formal, enforceable custody order.
All kinds of conditions can be put in these, including "must not badmouth the other parent" "must allow phone contact at X time" "must not leave in the care of another person for more than one hour without offering the other parent that time period first" as well as time allowed for the other parent on special occasions.
Are your kids old enough to have a basic phone with them to contact you when they're at his house?
In short, no... I so many cases with man like this, it's not worth the money spent, or the paper it's printed on.
We were in court for 2years (put off due to covid) after years of supervised, she has her first school holidays, just to breach the orders, that required 2 federal recoveries to get our kids back. Took an entire school term to have our kids brought home.
My advice is, seek legal advice, to get information on do's and don'ts. Police will not intervine in returning children with out a federal order in Australia as its classed as civil not legal.