Hey all!
I have a toxic MIL who thinks that she is king shit and is a narcissist. Msgs me at 6am in the morning, incessant calling and texting and demanding. I’ve had enough there is way more to this story but too long to describe.
Anyways she threatened with grandparents rights. Is this a thing?
Likelihood of them gaining access even though they live ages away and affects my mental health?
Do I need legal advice/lawyer or mediation?
Thanks!
Grandparents rights
Grandparents rights
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage
16 Replies
They do have rights but depending on the situation, they can get custody also but it would need to be bad on your part for this to ever happen. If you have nothing to worry about cut her off.
Don’t answer or reply to her at that time.
No you’re the parent you choose who your child spends time with. You need to cut her off completely or put her on a much shorter leash, no more incessant calling and texting, that shouldn’t be happening. Get her to go through her son not you ever. Block her number/ divert to him. Change your number if you have to.
If she has money and a good story she can. Money talks
Without taking your problems into account, is it really going to hurt letting them be part of your kids lives? Do you really need to extend adult differences to your children and their chance to have more people in their tribe? As an adult and a parent you need to learn to separate your petty arguments from your children's lives. They are not pawns. They are not there for you to withdraw when things aren't going your way. You've said nothing about them being abusive to your children, only that you don't get along with them. I'm sure that would be the first thing you said if you were actually worried about your kids seeing them. This is all about you.
Not OP.
I can answer your question though. Yesbit can hurt the kids.
My mother is very mentally unstable and abusive. She cannot speak to me without being rude and abusive, why would i want my child around someone who speaks like this. Someone who refuses to get treatment for their mental health issues? Why would that be beneficial to my child??
Came here to say this^^
My mother is like this. My kids just don't need the emotional turmoil that comes from spending time with her. Every time she disrespects me or even other people my children love, it only hurts them.
Having boundaries is far from being petty!
Also, the OP never actually said she wanted to remove her mother in law from the children's life entirely, she's worried about her mother in law suing for custody - not the same thing...
I get what you're both saying but I just don't hear "victim" when I read this, I see the aftermath of some pretty terrible behaviour and I don't think someone would threaten court ordered access if they weren't pushed out. This is all reaction behaviour from the MIL so I guess the question is, reaction to what?
Grandparents rights is kind of a thing. She would have to stage you through mediation/courts to get it. It usually works out to be a couple of hours once a month. So it’s not a lot.
I’d personally start building your case. Sometimes these people make a lot of threats with no follow through. Her harassing you and making threats will not look good for her in court (if she ever follows through).
So make sure you keep copies of her texts and phone logs. If you’ve got enough then I’d stop responding/block her and let things play out.
To answer your question is grandparent rights a thing. It is and it isn't.
There have been some cases which have gone to court and grandparents have won the right for visitation with their grandchildren. However it's not exactly a law (like it is with a parent wanting access to their kids) and it is a long and expensive process with no guaranteed outcome for the grandparent- which any solicitor will tell you.
Does she have a lot of money to fund something like this? If not then don't worry about it.
It sounds like a threat to scare you.
My question is, is she harmful to your child/ren?
If yes, then maintain your distance.
If no, then throw her a bone, send a photo occasionally, let her have a phone conversation with them. It might be enough to keep her satisfied.
If by chance she does seek legal advice then find your local legal aid
What does your husband/partner think about what happening? Has he put his mother in her place or is he leaving it all up to you? You need to start with your partner, so you are both on the same page on how to deal with her. Block her on your phone, and let him deal with her.
It’s my understanding that no one has rights to a child, it’s what is in the best interests of the child (this includes parents). How much contact would she normally have with your child/ren? Make a note of phone calls, in person visits (did you travel to her, did she travel to you), does she send presents for birthdays or Christmas, any contact you can remember. And from this point on note all contact, including what is said and done. Do not start any legal proceedings, let her make the first move. Get legal advice so you know where you stand, if you feel you need to. Let her start mediation if she decides to follow through on her threats. Like with separated parents, nothing can be done until you’ve attempted mediation.
From my understanding of grandparents rights they have to be able to prove they have had a consistent relationship with the child/ren. I would call legal aid for advice
Where does your partner stand in all of this? How does he feel about it all?
Yes Grandparents rights is a thing. We looked into it for my parents and it's similar process to getting parental rights, 1st mediation then if that doesn't work it can go to court. I have known of Grandparents to receive 1 weekend a month amd I have heard of another Grandparent (different case) get the children half of each school holidays. So yes it's very much a thing!! These 2 Grandparents that I know of are far from loaded with cash and it wasn't overly expensive for them.
Hi there, Sorry to hear about your situation. I too am in a similar situation but thankfully the outlaws haven’t yet pulled that card.
My advice is to limit your interactions with them and let your partner deal with them. Make sure to get legal advice just so your prepared in case anything comes of this.
I am now at the point where I have no contact with the outlaws. Hubby and I both agree we don’t want them near our kids as I am still dealing with ALOT of mental issues which I feel were caused by them. Hubby decides for himself whether or not to have any contact. Recently though they decided to drop by unvaccinated which went against public health orders in our state so hubby asked them to stay away from us for the forseeble future. It’s taken 10+ years for him to realise what they truly are.
I hope you’re coping ok and have a strong support network as I know how difficult this situation can be.
Let your kids see her. You don’t have to.
I have a MIL like that.
She didn’t care about her only child when he was growing up and other personal issues I’m not going into but hubby has “forgiven” her for what happened while he was growing up but I can’t.
I’ve never stopped my kids from seeing her even when she was still married to the bloke she was married to, I allowed her to see my kids but conditions applied to keep my kids safe from the then husband.
She’s never really had interest in my kids and only time she brings it up is when she is talking to friends of hers to try make them feel sorry for her and angry with me.
She’s never even asked my kids for their numbers now they are all teens and have phones but complains she doesn’t get to see or talk to them 🤦🏼♀️
I only talk to her now when I absolutely have to because there is always drama connected to talking to her and it had a very big impact on my marriage a few years ago so I refuse to allow it in my life anymore.
If you and your husband are on the same page with it all, have a convo with him about what you would like to do in regards to her and go from there but from experience, if he’s not on the same page don’t push too hard too quick but let him know your feelings about it.
If you are really concerned about it and if you think she is absolutely serious about it, contact a solicitor or one of those free advice ones and ask where you stand.