I am stuck on what to do. I know the answer but I'm so scared to make the move to do it. Husband has been a heavy drinker for years and yeah when we first got together when we were in our early 20s we used to drink a fair but as we have had kids and more responsibilities I guess I have changed where I stand on the whole drinking thing and it's not a priority to me anymore. The issue we are having is he is a heavy drinker and just lies all the time about it. In the last 6 months I have asked him to leave so many times because he has driven home clearly impaired with our kids in the car. It's to the point he just took rubbish to the dump with our littlest and he has come back impaired and claims he hasn't been drinking, I check his car and of course find a pack of empty cans, of course he lies about it so there is no way to know how many of them he drank this morning but I know they weren't there when I took his car to the gym this morning because I have to check every car. If he is drink driving he clearly has an issue and I know I need to find the courage to leave but I don't think shared care will be an option because I know he will continue to drive with the kids in the car. I keep having this feeling that I should just deal with it and stay because I have more control over when they are in the car with him. I'm just so broken over the last 12 months I feel like I'm being gaslit every single time.
14 Replies
Oh, great, stay with him and watch him kill himself and more than likely one of the kids when he inevitably runs off the road drunk, or he kills another innocent person or family. No, you leave him and you take the kids. He is not your problem. Your children are your responsibility since he is not responsible at all. You are at this present moment partly responsible if something happens to your children since you know he drinks and drives with the children in the car. Child services would be on uyou so quick.
Get out and save those children. He is a grown man and can make his own choices.
Call the police. Give the car details and rego plus any information about regular times and routes that you believe he drives after drinking. It's important to get him off the road before he hurts anyone. Despite what you might be told, it's not your fault he's doing this. You don't control him. What you do have in your power is to make sure he doesn't have your children in the car. If that means he has to move out and lose his access to them, so be it.
You can do this. The hardest step will be the first one.
Get out and start thinking of your kids! Why are you staying? He won’t wake up to himself because you stay and put up with it. Leave! He is putting your kids in danger. I would ring the Police and report it.
You are lucky your children are still alive. Every single time he has the kids in the car while he's impaired, their lives are literally in jeopardy, as is his life and the lives of countless other innocent people.
I really don't mean to be brutal with you sweetheart but how much control do you think you actually have when this keeps on happening?
You really need to find the courage to leave, if not for yourself for your kids. Make a plan, get some support systems in place and seek some legal advice to protect yourself and your kids.
This is a bad accident waiting to happen, and it will happen. Stop waiting, it’s a matter of urgency. He is an alcoholic drink driving with your children in the car and you know it’s happening. Take the kids and leave, now.
You don’t have more control just “being around”… otherwise the kids wouldn’t be in that situation at all. You do know what to do but are you going to act in the best interest of the children? They don’t have a say or even understand that they are at risk? Please be what they need and keep them safe. Sounds harsh but absolutely I’d report him and not give him the opportunity to make such reckless decisions. Your kids can’t be replaced and I promise you’d never forgive yourself 😔
If your kids got killed in the car with him, this is on your too because you aren’t protecting them and you are staying with him. I know it’s hard but you have to get out for the safety of your kids. Think about the reality of it if he crashed with your kids in the car! Wake up to yourself and get out. I’m being hard on your for your own good. You are their mum and you should do all you can to protect them while you can. Please find some where safe to go and stay and don’t go back to him.
You’re getting hung up on pedantics like ‘what time did he drink them’ he uses that to spin the argument until it goes away. You don’t need all the evidence. You’re not a prosecutor in a court. You are the kids mother and empties in the car and everything you know, you decide to draw the line and draw it. Don’t get into the bickering over evidence.
Speak to family lawyers about what to put in place so he doesn’t have the kids until he’s been through sober treatment and some more hoops. Drink driving with his children in the car for gods sake. You know what the easiest thing for you long term is to call the police and have him tested and have it all recorded there and then. I know it’s not what you want right now but you’ll wish you had done it, that’s how you protect your kids and stop it happening again.
If you won't leave him, give your kids away to someone who will care for them while you continue to stay with this drunk.
My husband drinks a lot. But he has never driven impared and definitely not with our children in the car. If he tired I would tell him to go by himself or I would leave with the kids.
They aren't safe with him.
Start documenting his drinking and when he leaves in the car after drinking or when he returns and he is impared. I would also start reporting him to policelink every time he leaves the house after drinking. Having him charged with drink driving will help when you leave. Start a paper trail, it will help you with visitation. You then can request he only get supervised visits with the children as you fear for their lives alone with him.
He most likely won't kill himself. It will be one of your kids or and innocent. I wouldn't want either of those, if I could help stop it
You are being gaslit by an alcoholic. As a recovering alcoholic my advice is leave. Take your kids and go. There is nothing anyone can do to help him until he reaches his bottom... if he ever does.
Call the police and report his car rego as other people have said. And if you know he is drink driving at that moment call and report him.
Again I am a recovering alcoholic and I will tell you now that you have absolutely no control over this situation at all. He is an addict and no one has control over an addict. Please search deep within and find the strength to get out with those kids. Find some support because he will threaten all kinds of things to try and make you come back. Do not fall for it. He is the only one who can fix himself. This is not your responsibility now or ever.
I just want to applaud you!!! I know that would have been so hard. Bless xx
He needs help. Often the help seeking does not happen until they hit rock bottom. Do not let his rock bottom be harming your children as he cannot come back from that. I know you think you are keeping your kids safe but it's actually enabling him to continue what he is doing. I would absolutely ring the police when he is driving and get him pulled over. It may be the jolt he needs and you can ask to remain anon. It is not the worst thing to happen to him. The worst thing is for him to kill either himself, your children or both. You can nag and you can try to police it yourself but addiction takes so much more than that and I have seen this frequently fail. You need to allow him to face some consequences ox
First step it admitting he has a problem: He has an addiction. Maybe reach out and get some councelling around how to deal with an addict. The only thing you can control is what you do. Marriage councelling would be the best thing, and it should help you come to a decision on whether this relationship is salvageable or if it's time to start over. xx good luck.