I've lost my identity. Before kids I was the life of the party. I was fun, outgoing and very social.
I loved life, I didn't think too hard about anything and I just had a good time.
I love my children, they're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have developed a lot of hobbies but they're all solo and the kind of hobbies that you can do at home being interrupted every 2 seconds and still carry on.
I don't socialise anymore and have no desire to. I don't have anything in common with my friends anymore, I don't have anything to talk about with them and I don't have anything remotely interesting to share with them. I wouldn't want to spend an hour making polite small talk with me over coffee so I can't see why anyone else would either.
I don't fit in with my mum friends because I chose to continue to work full time, and because I'm not as conservative as everyone else (I.e. work long hours, like a drink when I can, still smoke etc). I don't fit in with my childless friends because I don't go out and hit the pub anymore, and they have zero
interest in my daily parenting struggles.
My partner gets annoyed because I don't want to go out (pandemic aside) anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't be who I was before, and the current version of me is obviously not acceptable either.
I have depression and have done for almost all of my adult life, but the last 10 years of parenthood have been the biggest struggle yet. I don't know who I am anymore, who I want to be or what will make me happy.
Has anyone else had an identity crisis becoming a parent and how did you overcome it?
2 Replies
Well you’ve really pidgeonholed everybody. There are other mums that work full time. Not all sahms are conservative?! Then in the next breath say you don’t party for single friends. Childless people make great friends. And you don’t have to talk about your parenting struggles. That’s support, not bringing out you or your best.
Start small, be more accepting, let people have their place as friends and the more fun you have, and relaxed chats you have, will help you start to get yourself back.
I think you are in a great position! You have so many diverse people around you that you can go to for different needs. For example when you need to talk mum stuff, go to your mum friends, when you need a drink and a smoke go to your childless friends, when you need to talk the perils of working full time chat to those you work with.
Compromise with hubby and occasionally go out with him because he wants to have fun with you, but also let him know that you may decline the next time.
It sounds like you have a great circle you just need to utilise them more