I'm a single mum in my forties. I don't receive any support so I work a lot and I'm studying so I can build a better life for my family. Every day is full and I'm always tired.
I love my children dearly and they do bring joy but I miss having grown up love in my life. I'd love to have someone to share my life with, but I know I just don't have the time to do that.
How can I learn to accept my life as it is and get over the sadness and that comes from feeling unloved?
12 Replies
Not having time is an excuse and avoidance. If the right person came along, you would find the time. Someone will show up when you least expect it.
Don’t think of it as a permanent state. If you’re too busy right now, that’s fine. If you’ve got enough on your plate with kids and work and study and hobbies or friends, that’s fine. But there will come a time you will have time(and freedom) and it won’t be an extra stress.
You can usually find people to chat with or hook up on social media, but again I find that more time consuming than I can bother with most of the time. Just remember it only takes that one connection for everything to change, meanwhile, it’s ok, it’s sucks sometimes but you’re definitely not the only single mum that can’t fit in dating and having a new relationship.
You aren’t unloved, you love yourself, and your children love you.
I’m single and will probably be single for a long time. Partly by circumstance, but you know what, kids grow up, they start to need you less, you get more free time, and don’t need babysitters at some point. You are never too old to meet someone.
If you decide it’s something you want, then prioritise it. If kids go to dads at all, great use that time. Otherwise get a babysitter or have family or friend watch the kids and have a regular date night set up once a week, so you make it a part of your life.
You can have my husband if you like LOL I'd love to have one less child to look after...
I assume your husband works, brings in an income?...I know you’re just joking but as a single mum who is everything...the breadwinner, only parent, cook, gardener, does the cars, this is often said to us and is extremely insensitive and offensive.
He doesn't actually. That's the problem with assumptions. They make an ass out of u and me ;) LOL
You can always choose to make yourself single. That’s completely your choice don’t act like you’re jealous.
I'm guessing he can't be that bad if you haven't left.
Original commenter....thanks ladies for the support, you’re obviously single mums too and have felt the same about that flippant comment.
The lol shows she just doesn’t get it, nothing funny/amusing about having the weight of the world on your shoulders, all alone.
I’m the same! It’s all good for people to say “prioritise, make time” etc. But it’s hard to get a relationship going when you can see them once a fortnight etc! Wish I had the answer
Hi - I could have written this myself word for word.
I raise my youngest child solo and work shift work.
Have you considered doing some type of outing or group fitness to do weekly perhaps? Only reason I am asking you this is for your mental health/emotional well-being. I know you are busy every day with the kids, but perhaps you could all go together for a walk etc?
I can only speak for myself, but it can be such a demoralising position to be in. I also think people completely disregard your feelings about it too. (Easy to do as they are not in your shoes)
On a positive side note, I like to keep on believing that we will not always be in this position. Our kids will grow up , we will not be so busy and suddenly we will have free time on our hands!
Anything can and will happen. Please keep your chin up.