I am a stay at home mum to my toddler and young son while my partner works 50/60 hours a week, we have been in this new small town for 2 years
I made new friends here and have been invited out to several outings and trips away with other mums and their children. My issue is that he doesn’t agree with me going out on a girls night out or a girls weekend away even with the kids,
I have declined so many invitations that I no longer get invited to anything any more. I have been on a couple outings last year but it was such a problem as I had to face passive aggressive behaviour of him and endless arguing from him.
I’ve tried talking to him and it often results to me in tears and left feeling completely drained
he is a homebody and doesn’t like to interact with anyone at all other than his family who lives overseas.
I use to be a bubbly happy go lucky extroverted people person but now I feel like I’ve lost my self. Im lonely and feel isolated, suffocated at times and Depressed.
He likes me to be at home with kids and he doesn’t help me parent at all although he makes out to outsiders we are his everything but behind closed doors he spends most of his time on the toilet and in-front of the tv on his phone. He has no time or interest when he is home for the kids. I also keep everything going in our home and struggle daily with a high spirited toddler. I want to go back to work a couple of days a work too but he doesn’t support this either he will mumble under his breath let’s see what will happen in 2022 I have no direct access to his bank account he refuses to let me see what’s coming in and out and because I’m the one who has to do all the bill paying budgeting for our family and this makes it incredibly so hard
I’ve suggested a joint account but he has always refused. I go with out when it comes to clothing etc I have to ask for him to transfer funds which he does but now he’s telling me I’m overspending,
I don’t go out, I don’t drink, I pay our bills, groceries. That’s it. I’ve suggested we go to couples therapy but he refuses we don’t need it. I
feel so stuck and no village to help or friends to talk to. I’m so tired and exhausted. Looking for advice he’s good in other areas but as long as I don’t go out with friends don’t work don’t hassle him to help with kids or house or yard work I can keep the peace I just feel so sad and stuck. We have been together for 12 years. It’s been like this for the last 2 years since moving to this small town.
Advice on how to deal with a unsupportive partner
Advice on how to deal with a unsupportive partner
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Money
12 Replies
You've suggested everything you need to make this work and he's refused them all. Sorry mate he's not going to do what it takes.
Next up is telling him it's over.
No matter how good he is at the other things, the things he's not good at are deal breakers in any rational persons mind. You don't need this shit, tell him to fuck of until he's ready to grow up.
Wowee he is completely controlling you. You would be better off single and doing as you please with out his control. I have never allowed any man to stop me from doing anything that I want. I have also never stopped any man doing what he wants. By being like this, I found the right husband and have always been treated how i deserve to be treated. My husband works 6 sometimes 7 days a week. He still does what it takes to be a dad and help me around the home. He often tells me to go out with friends and go enjoy myself. I have been away with my friends and go out with friends as he does. Don’t ever settle for anyone controlling you or telling you that you can’t do this or that. You have got one life to live, don’t spend it under his terms and what he wants. Spend it loving your life how you want, enjoying the things that you want to enjoy.you aren’t a child! You aren’t his property. He doesn’t own you. If my husband said to me once, no you can’t do that, he would be gone. You deserve to live your life enjoying it.
In other words do as your told and you will keep him happy. Don’t allow him to treat you like this. Pack your kids up and leave. Go find friends or family to stay with and don’t look back. His is manipulating and controlling you. reach out to friends and tell them. Stop doing things to keep him happy and start living to keep yourself happy.
Sounds like he moved you there to isolate you and keep you where he wants you. Move back to where you came from and without him.
You have described an abusive relationship. Not all abuse is violence. He’s controlling you.
I’d be making plans to leave. This isn’t a relationship I’d be staying in, he has no plans to compromise on anything.
You are in an abusive relationship. Time to call DV Connect and get them to help you leave. You have no alternative.
This is abusive and your probably don’t realise it because you have lived it for so long, it’s become the norm for you. Please change that.
This is DV! Get in contact with some services and plan your move out of there.
If he’s not going to try counselling what else can you do. If you need to leave and have no means of doing it call 1800RESPECT they can get you onto local services and give you advice.
Its like the old fable of the boiling frog.
"A frog put suddenly into boiling water will jump out, but if a frog is put into cold water and boiled slowly not notice and be boiled to death"
Take your power back babe.
Yes you are married and a mum but you have every right to work, socialise and not feel guilty for it.
I'm sure he wouldn't take to kindly to you telling him he's going to stay home with the kids, have no control over the finances ect, so you shouldn't either.
As I see it you could either tell him he's being abusive and tell him exactly how to fix it and give him a deadline. Or you can leave, I agree what others have said, be smart about it, contact as many services that you have avaliable to you, you are being abused so there will be lots! Create an exit plan hide as much money as you can, talk to lawyers about your rights.
Good luck!
You deserve to have the life you want. No one sits on their deathbed thinking "I should have obeyed my husband more". Show your kids its ok to expect, work and fight for the life they want xox
I look forward to reading in the future about a mum who took her power back 💪
This isn’t unsupportive. This is Domestic Violence. Not all DV is physical, he is mentally, emotionally and financially abusing you. I agree you need therapy, but to help you leave him, not “fix” things.
I could have written this, I’m in the exact same boat minus the money control. If you’re in TP let me know? I know the chances are slim but if we’re in the same small town we might be able to find a village in eachother.