Hi everyone
just want to settle a debate I’m married with children. I feel out of respect if either of us are doing something without the other/children, you communicate and tell your other half.
Tell me when you finish work for the day and decide to go socialise after work. Do you notify husband/wife to let them know or do you just not say anything and you/they just take the reigns, and you come home when you want without notifying?
Thanks 😊
39 Replies
It shouldn’t be anal, a rough plan and some flexibility and freedom, but it definitely has to be respectful. If you’re changing the plan and leaving the other with the kids it’s not hard to let them know. If it crosses into going out extra late (more than just a few hours) or frequently so they’re not pulling their weight at home and as a partner and family member then you have a bigger problem.
Yes of course! I don’t think you’re asking too much to have open communication in a relationship on movements / whereabouts especially when they change. I don’t need to know my husbands every move but if he’s running late or I’m running late or I decide to head out after work or something comes up isn’t it common curtesy to let your partner know?! My view is absolutely.
I usually will give a message like “going on a walk, grab takeaway on your way home” but he doesn’t usually message as I guess naturally I assume he won’t be home.
We have dinner at 5.30pm and if you aren’t home you aren’t home. I will get the kids ready for bed and just do it, I don’t expect a whole heap of communication between us, we have a calendar so he would know whether he’s “needed” at home.
If he’s staying back at work or has gone out to socialise (again assuming he has) and I genuinely need help or him to come home I will just send a message and ask he be home soon.
And he does the same to me, if I’m out he will just give a quick message and ask me to be home by a certain time.
We have a very strong sense of ourselves and respect each other, we just have our shit together so don’t rely on the other person to be home in order for our life to go on if that makes sense :)
A calendar, so he’s only needed at home if you have some kind of an event?
Does he not want to spend time with his wife and kids?
“Naturally you assume he won’t be home”, I wonder if things would be as smooth or “respectful” if you were the one never home? Doubt it.
Here we go, another "perfect" person that can't believe that maybe some people do shit differently.
Doubt the commenter cares what you wonder as they are doing what works for them.
Sounds like they respect each others wishes and have a way to allow autonomy as well. It's not how my family work, but I think it's a bit harsh to criticize when the respect appears to be there.
Jesus what an assumption based off a few paragraphs 😂 of course he “wants” to spend time with us and does, however on a Friday and Saturday after work I ASSUME he will stay for drinks after work, two days a week.. so the other 5 days he is coming home and spending time with us. And he isn’t “Never” home as you say.
And 100% it is as smooth because I too go out and do my thing often, at least twice a week I am out doing my things and not coming home til after dinner time.
We have a calendar so I can write in lashes or nail appointments on X day so he knows that there’s no beers that Friday, or he is playing sport etc. and it works brilliantly :)
I know 🤣🤣 Can’t believe what someone people actually write 🤦🏼♀️ this person has just made up what ever in their head and gone with it 😂😂
I know 🤣🤣 Can’t believe what someone people actually write 🤦🏼♀️ this person has just made up what ever in their head and gone with it 😂😂
You’re shaming the op because she has expectations from her spouse.
You’re basically saying she doesn’t have her shit together and can’t cope with her kids alone because she asks for a minimal amount of respect from her spouse I.e. to be told if her husband won’t be home as expected.
Common curtesy and safety, I was taught as a teen/adult to let people known when you expect to be home.
My mind boggles with the young people of today.....Can post pics all day on insta, get nails/eyebrows done but can’t text and let people know if they’re delayed, won’t be home as expected. Glued to their phone no doubt, but that 2 second text is too much.
Manners are becoming obsolete.
Complaining about people glued to their phones yet OP of this comment uses old school technique such as a calendar. Go figure
How do you know that? Could be an app, not sure what your point is?
She hasn't belittled the OP at all. OP asked for thoughts on the matter and this commenter replied quite nicely. She then has people get on their jump to conclusions matt and judge her!
I've worked in offices for 25 years and the last 3 or so, worked with some millennials. What I've noticed is they leave the office the back way, don't let anyone know, so receptionist puts calls through, ppl go to see them etc and they aren't there. First time I've experienced a boss having to tell people to let reception know they're leaving the office and anyone who may need them. It's not controlling, it's commonsense and basic manners. I'm trying hard to ensure my son isn't like this when he grows up. It's such a me attitude.
Nil to do with the topic.
I wouldn’t expect you to see the similarities and be able to draw conclusions.
These people probably go home and say their boss is controlling too, it probably makes them “queasy” like the other woman commented. Urghhh
I also wonder what the expectation will be if your kids are still living with you as young adults.
As adults they don’t need to tell you if they’re going to be late, but it would be nice to know wouldn’t it?
Would that make you controlling parents?
I can see what you're saying just fine. It still has nothing to do with the question.
The whole millennial rant is yours alone.
Sorry how someone else feels triggers you so much. Should probably look into that with your therapist.
I manage a team of health professionals. I'm in my 40s and the youngest. Noone tells me when they're going to lunch lol. The only person who says something is me because there are certain urgent things that can arise and they need to contact another exec if I'm not available. Attributing that to millennials is ridiculous.
I don’t work in healthcare and want you to imagine the possibility that there are different environments/industries out there, aside from your own little world. I know it’s hard to believe, shock horror, but there really are, Ms Executive Manager (10 points for getting that irrelevant info in your post lol).
I have worked in the same industry my whole career, imagine there are offices with time critical tasks, a fast paced environment, with clients etc. where people do need to let the receptionist know when they leave.
🙄
Still, nothing to do with a debate about husband/wife communication styles.
Or this comment by someone that did answer the original question.
What does anyone in the workplace, of any age, going to lunch or leaving for the day have to do with that?
Sorry comment police, didn’t know we had a scope of advice and couldn’t deviate from that.
It’s polite to let the other parent know if there is a change of routine. It only takes a quick text message. If yiu do things on a whim, how do you know the other parent didn’t have plans etc
You sound a bit over the top, not in an offensive way so don’t take it the wrong way. It’s ok to do these things it’s just Common decency and respect you would say, I’m going for a coffee after work so I will be a bit later. You let the other person know so they know nothing is wrong for starters and it’s respect.
Sorry my message must have relayed wrong. I have no problem with it happening, just would like a simple text to say he won’t be home.
I prob read into it wrong. It’s respect to tell you that he won’t be home or will be late. Put the shoe on the other foot. If he was home with the kids and you were going out after work and not letting him know, how would he feel. It shows lack of respect.
My husband is a tradie. I have no idea what he and the kids are up to after school... That frequently involves going to mates houses. If I get home and they're not there it's usually a relief to get some personal time. If it's getting late and I want to know where they are, I call. Usually though, I'm losing track of time and not home within the expected timeframe and hubby calls me. I say whoops, pack up at work and come home. In an ideal situation, you let you your partner know your movements... But it's so easy to lose track of time. Just call if you want to know where they are.
Anyway at the end of the day regardless of what other say here, he should respect that you just want to know if he will be late or out and let you know. Why wouldn’t he want to let his wife and kids know.
Yes, it's respectful to let your family know what you're doing but also for safety and mental health. Imagine someone left work one day in a really bad place and took off and nobody knew. Or had a car accident and landed in bushes and nobody knew.
This has literally happened to two people I know!
One lady I know, her hubby had a car accident on the way home from work in an isolated area. It was normal for him to be unpredictable and not be in contact so she thought nothing of it.
He ended up trapped and injured in his car for hours, he's lucky someone came by or I'd hate to think of the outcome.
A girl I know was assaulted and mugged on a night out, no one thought anything of it, again, because it was so normal for her to be out all night/the following day without letting anyone know so no one was looking for her.
This is exactly why my partner and I shoot each other a text if we head out after work etc - partly out of consideration for each other and partly for safety reasons so we each know if lateness is out of character.
For as long as my husband and I have lived together (before and after kids), we have always given each other a heads up in terms of our plans and a rough time we should be heading home if it's outside of our typical routine.
Not in an asking permission way, not in an unhealthy need to track each other's movements kind of way but simply out of consideration so neither of us make plans or worry because person A is 4 hours late home from work.
In this day and age, it's has literally never been easier to stay in touch with people. A 10 second text isn't too much to ask.
You are right! Always let someone know if you are going to be late or staying out. It’s not hard to show a bit of common sense and respect. What is the big deal in sending a quick msg or giving a quick call. If something was to happen, you wouldnt know. Also is he hiding something by not telling you. I don’t get what his issue is. It’s pretty simple really. He is a father and husband. Of course you would be home worrying if you didn’t know.
Not married with children.
We don't.
We're both adults, I don't need to know where he is 24/7.
Both of us are parents, either one of us can take care of business without the other.
I'd no more be calling my partner to see where he is, than he would do it to me. I'd actually find it quite controlling to have to be that accountable and I feel queasy when I'm around anyone else that does it.
Not everyone is the same.
Do what works for you.
Dramatic much ? You feel queasy HAHAHA. Get off your high horse …
High horse... that's gold. What a self-righteous comment. I'm sorry, my experiences and feelings and physical reactions should of course be the same as yours.
I didn't realise a debate was meant to be all one opinion. In fact I'm pretty sure if you look into what a debate is it is literally more than one opinion and debating those. Worry more about yourself and your lack of English comprehension than trying to correct some random on the internet that you don't know, on how they feel or how they should manage their own relationship.
I already said what we do works for us and that not everybody is the same. What more could you possibly want.
Definitely! It’s common curtesy. if he’s not letting you know he’s probably hiding something. Red flags for sure !
I always let my husband know what I'm doing as does he. A rough indication of time and place so we don't worry! We never 'ask' each other but we do check in with each other before confirming something to check we have nothing else on.
My husband always let's ne know if he is working late or doing something with his mates and I do the same.
He also let's me know when they are on the way home from fishing.
I think it is common courtesy. My husband used to do a lot of driving to collect and return his son. He would always let me know when he had arrived
It’s just basic respect to let your other half know where you are, or when you’ll be home. Flicking a text message isn’t difficult.
I would always let my husband know where I am and vice versa. Even if it’s just ducking out for bread after work 🤷♀️ Nothing to hide and keeping communication open 🤷♀️ it’s not like either of us would ever be controlling and say “no come home”, it’s just respectful