I don’t really know what my question is but I do know that I’m struggling and would really like to get outside my head.
I left a fairly severe DV relationship 12 years ago and have since then remarried a wonderful guy, had more babies and moved on with my life. On the outside I’m a strong mum who just gets on with it, looks after the kids and has moved on from the trauma I lived through. In my head though is a different story. I have very little to do with my ex but even a text message sends me into a shaking mess, a number showing up beside the email account dedicated only to communication with him and his family (have not received anything for a few years just reminders from Hotmail) sends my stomach into knots and I really struggle even after knowing it’s not from him. Just to be clear my kids have nothing to do with him so it’s not like he is really in my life but the idea of him popping up in anyway sends me into an anxious mess.
On top of this I lived through DV as a child, was molested by my cousin (that no one knows about) and a situation that has recently occurred with a parent and an alcohol fueled situation where my child was verbally attacked has sent my head into overdrive again. I feel ill, I am shaky I don’t know how to process it all. Since then I can’t get past the flashbacks of all these violent situations of been part of. I can’t get away from it when I close my eyes, when I’m driving my mind wanders to them, driving past places that hold bad memories- it’s almost like someone is relaying me a movie and I’m watching it all again. Every man in my life bar my now amazing husband has had severe issues with alcohol violence despite the fact they are an active member of society. Because my husband is not like this and has never been in a situation like this he really doesn’t understand and his answer if I do try to talk to him is ‘it’s ok you’re not around that now’ which I know but it doesn’t stop the memories or the physical effects that a small situation can bring.
How do I get to finally properly move on and not have these traumas not continually pop up and effect my life? I’m very good at just getting on with it. We have built an incredibly stable, happy and loving home and from the outside I’m a happy person who loves life. Inside I feel like I’m drowning at times.
2 Replies
Psychologist.
See your GP, get a mental health plan and that will get you some subsidised sessions.
Even though you've moved on and it's no longer in your life, think of it as boxes.
The boxes are memories, feelings, triggers.
When you moved on, all that shit just went into jumbled boxes inside your brain. It was never dealt with.
What you need to do is unpack, organise, and eventually get to where you can throw away that shit.
That's what your psych will teach you to do.
It's not a quick fix and you do have to do the work, they just teach you how.
Best of luck mumma, it really is time to heal and leave the bullshit of the past behind you. You deserve the happiness, and your kids deserve a happy survivor mum.
You’ve described post traumatic stress disorder.
It’s time to talk to your GP about a mental health care plan.
Most people need some type of therapy to truly move on from DV. I found it very helpful