I know I will receive judgement when asking this question but I am so desperate for some help :(
I understand at the end of the day it's my decision alone but I am so fearful of making the wrong choice I guess I am just wondering if anyone has been in this situation.
I have just found out I am pregnant, I have two other children almost 5 and 3, and both are special needs. I am a single mother with zero support from previous partners they have nothing to do with the children.
I made a silly mistake on a night out by having unprotected sex and took the morning after pill, however it clearly didn't work. I have spoken to the guy and he has basically told me to "abort or die" so its clear I will have no support from him either.
I have had a termination before i had children and since having children i am totally against them and find it incredibly hard to live with my previous choices, so i am completely heartbroken to even be considering this choice.
I am not sure I can mentally live with doing that again, but I truly have no idea how to cope with three children alone, Everyday we struggle financially and emotionally, I am always stuck with trying to help find care for one of my children when the other is constantly in hospital so what would i do with an extra child?
I can barely give my babies each the attention they need already, my car is constantly breaking down and i cant even deal with that so how on earth would i find a bigger vehicle that will fit them all?
Has anyone else been in this position? I know i stuffed up, words can't describe how angry I am at myself…
I don't know what to do, I am so scared, I have very little help from my family and i know they won't support another child, I have barely any friends, what would i do if this one was also special needs? I just cant figure out how i possibly spread myself to three…. I'm not even sure if this makes any sense I apologise for the long post….
15 Replies
It sounds like your in a really tough spot. I don't know what to tell you. I'm a mother of special needs kid myself and live in fear of getting pregnant as financially, emotionally etc im broke! I think your going to need some proper support which ever way you go. Have you thought about adoption? It's not something I'm sure I could go through with but maybe it's something to consider?
Thank you for the comment, I know in my heart I could never carry through with the adoption. I just wouldn't be able to hand the baby over :(
That is a really tough decision and I guess you have to really think about not only the impact it will have on you raising another baby on your own but also your children. Especially as they have special needs and would rely on you heavily. I would seek some counselling, your Gp should be able to refer you for some free sessions to discuss your options. I think it would help you to talk about all your options. Only you can make the choice as you will be responsible for that baby and don't let other people make you feel bad with whatever choice you make lots of hugs xx
Thank you, That's one of the issues playing heavily on me, I don't want the kids to be more affected. I definitely will go and speak to someone thanks, we've had so much happen lately i just can't get in a good headspace x
I have always felt like I'm totally against abortion.
But in your case, I think that's the best option. You won't be able to give this baby the constant care etc because you've got well and truly enough on your plate already.
If I were in your shoes, I personally think I would have to abort, I would then get myself to a shrink and have a chat. Don't let it eat away at you.
I'm so sorry for the shitty situation you're in and I wish you all the best! Xx
Thank you… xxx
Oh hun, this would be such a hard situation to be in. There are plenty of over the phone free counselling services for this so you make the best decision. Based on your circumstances no one should be able to judge you if you did have a termination, take the time to think about it and talk to someone.
Don't beat yourself up, we all make mistakes. Talk to a professional for mental and emotional support, but no one can give you the answers. Only you can make the extremely hard decision, I feel for you and wish you the very best xxx
I completely feel your heartache. I'm a single mum of one but struggle financially & recently started dating a guy & fell pregnant which was my worst fear. He wanted me to abort, I'm 10weeks pregnant & still in turmoil over this decision worried how financially I'll cope with another & scared I'll be on my own again & knowing he doesn't want this but knowing I can't go thru a termination. I've tried to talk myself into terminating & stay awake many nights in tears trying to get my head around it but I can't. I understand your heartache in this decision, I know how alone you feel & I wish I could say something to make it better xx hugs to you, I feel angry at myself too over this I can't believe I was silly enough that it happened a second time then I'm angry at him cause he wanted kids & I didn't then he acts like this. I hope you make the right decision for you, would love to hear a follow up & how you came to make a decision. No judgement here I'm in the same boat x
Sounds like you are not in the best position to keep this baby. I would strongly consider abortion! Hope all goes well with your decision.
You must already love your unborn baby, please know there are so many rescources available to you. Infant refuge Australia could care for your baby for as long or as little time is needed for you to have all the rescources inplace. Your will never regret having your baby but you will regret if the baby is destroyed. There are many willing and able people available to help with finances, support, and anything you and your family may need.
There are so many people who want to help you with your difficulties and to save your baby's life. Call any prolife organisation. This baby may not be special needs, and all babies really need is love. I adopted my first child, and while painful I know she lives, has a good life and maybe we will meet one day. I saw you thought this wasn't an answer for you, but surely better this than living with the knowledge of killing your baby. That's not to lay a guilt trip on you, but that is what abortion is.
Maybe have the Bub and give it up for adoption Hun , that shouldn't be any harder than termination and you know the Bub will have a good life and two parents that really want a Bub , you should think long and hard about it and make the choice you can live with Good luck. And big hugs are you in goulburn ? If so I could help out with looking after one child , I had 11 kids and I have 12 grandkids :)
I'm sorry to say I don't know you, because I would love to. :) But I would like to offer whatever help I can to you, personally. If you need somewhere to stay, my family's home is yours. If you need financial assistance, please feel free to message me (or text 0403502872). I don't know where you live, but we are in rural Victoria - if you need help, I can find a way to get to you.
If you feel you can't cope with a baby, please check out www.infantrefuge.org.au - but from what you've written, it sounds like you want help to look after your child yourself! You could also check out The Babes Project - http://www.thebabesproject.com.au/ - they have amazing support networks! They're in Melbourne.
I also have friends in different states who would love to help in whatever way they can. We follow Jesus, who gave His everything for us, and so we also give all we have!
I've never been in your position. But I can say with absolutely confidence - there is another way. And I will do whatever it takes to help you find it!
Blessings!
Georgia
As a woman that also had an abortion that had a huge effect on my life and left me with a broken heart, I strongly suggest you look into adoption. I see that you said that you could never place your baby with another family, but you are considering participating and paying for someone to take the life of your baby. giving your baby life is the most "selfless" thing you can do. he/she deserves to be given life.