Ok so not really sure where to start.
So yesterday I was told by my husband of 21 years “I don’t love you let alone even like you. I’m only here for the kids”.
Well that outright smacked me right in the face. We have 4 children together and yes little time for each other over the years but that was the last thing I expected to hear. To tell your wife of over 20 years you don’t even like them. It’s probably the most hurt I have ever felt in my life. Especially just after Christmas and heading into a new year.
What do I do? I gave up everything for my family and have gone without for many years. I am a stay at home Mum and a full time carer for one child with ASD. Not sure how they will cope with separation. I have no where else to go and no form of income. I don’t know how I could house my kids alone. How long does any govt assistance take to come through if I need to leave.
My husband has always said nasty things to me but I’ve let it fly as I need to be here for my kids.
You’re a fuckhead
I can’t fucking stand you
You’re a shit wife
Goodluck finding another husband
You need mental help
I don’t like you
I don’t love you
I’m only here for the kids
Do you think this is DV as he always attacks me mentally? Or am I just being silly.
10 Replies
Whoooaaa! Firstly go online and apply for single parent payment. They will back date you to the day you do it. You will then have some income to get away. He is putting you down so you don’t feel worthy. Stop worrying about your kids and how it will affect them. It’s affecting you. You need to put you first for yourself and them. It will affect you more by staying and going along with it. You don’t have to put up with it. You are better than that and deserve better. You can tick a box to say you are in an abusive relationship. He is mentally abusive. Reach out and seek the help. You aren’t being silly. He is being an arrogant, mentally abusive pig!
Who speaks to their wife and mother of their kids this way. That is disgusting.
It’s time to say, “ok, I don’t want you anywhere near me. I don’t need you I don’t care what you think about it or about me”.
Because it’s true, no one needs someone that feels that way about them in their personal space. You wouldn’t let anyone else who speaks to you that way or feels that way about you have 5 minutes of your time or energy. That’s where he belongs too, he’s on the outside.
Please leave 🙏 he is a pig and you deserve better xx.
Get a job so you are able to stand on your own xx
This is family violence, get in touch with 1800 RESPECT, they can help you to organise to get out with the kids.
Yes it is emotional abuse. You deserve better! Make plans and leave.
As far as the relationship goes only.you know the answer. If that's how he really feels and there's no coming back then it's time... you can't give your best to the kids if you aren't happy yourself. If there's a chance to work on it well make plans anyway in case it doesn't work. I knew mine was over for 18 months before we called it but I knew I had to try and couldn't throw it away when I'd made a promise. Mine was not mentally abusive but the fact that I was in tears constantly and made to feel like I was always wrong... well... he couldn't have a conversation, didn't wanna touch me... i made my contingency plans and it did eventually fall through so I was ready and knew what I had to do...
Ok so thinking practically here... 4 children, one being ASD... any chance you can keep some stability and stay in the house and let him move out? Tell him it's for the kids best interest. Do you own or rent? My ex paid a months rent when he left to give me time to get everything sorted and on my feet as he went to his mums. All belongings were separated into kids first - anything they used such as the lounge and TV, dining suite, their bedroom furniture etc stayed wherever they were. Then we split "our stuff". We kept it civil and sorted everything out and he stayed for 2 weeks to sort stuff out then he moved out. Once he moved out and plans for the kids were made written down then and only then could we let out our anger.
If you own the house now is a good time to sell while property prices are high but it's also a hard time to move in the rental market and prices are also high there. Centrelink single parent pension won't cover everything you need and if your youngest it over 8 it's even worse. You will need carers payment as well. However it's not impossible to survive. You will need to budget hard, and be pretty strict. Public schools can help with costs of excursions etc if you speak to them and explain the situation and apply for financial assistance that way the kids aren't missing out. I hated using it but my kids school was wonderful. If you have NDIS for ASD child does that include psych which will help with adjustments? Uniting care have some amazing support in place too if you contact them.
If you need to move you may need to consider downsizing and kids may need to share rooms where possible and a study/second lounge room/formal dining room/garage etc may need to become a bedroom.
Service NSW provides free rego and license if you are on any pension (not sure about other states) don't wait for renewal they will pay you a pro rata from the date it active. Electricity companies do pension discounts once you have that blue card. It all helps. Also do bill smoothing and make fortnightly payments on elec save a massive bill every quarter.
And lastly you will surprise yourself. You will find a strength and determination you never thought you had when it comes to providing for those babies of yours. Don't be afraid to ask for help and accept it when it's offered. You can do this. I can't promise it won't be hard and that you won't doubt yourself or feel like you've let them down but at the end of the day my kids know now that I did everything within my means and they realised they didn't really want for anything essential and my ASD child adapted to so many things along the journey.
You are an amazingly beautiful woman who has given her all for your beautiful children.... You deserve some happiness now DV shelters are not as scary as they sound....... They're so much more calming than the environment you're fleeing from.... You're beautiful and I'm not going to scroll past without saying that good luck gorgeous 💜
You are an amazingly beautiful woman who has given her all for your beautiful children.... You deserve some happiness now DV shelters are not as scary as they sound....... They're so much more calming than the environment you're fleeing from.... You're beautiful and I'm not going to scroll past without saying that good luck gorgeous 💜