I opened my daughter's (7) bedroom door today and her and my step son (12) were in her bed. He looked like I gave him a fright and took off.
When I asked her what they were doing, at first she said sleeping but when I said no you weren't she said playing a game.
I asked what kind of game and she said it was an animal game her brother came up with but she didn't really know how to play, just that he kept hugging her. He told her he was a gorilla.
Does this seem a bit off to anyone else or is it my brain completely overthinking an innocent situation? It's been playing on my mind for hours now.
What do I do, do I say anything to either of them? I am scared to tell my partner as I think he will get angry at me for suggesting anything
Am I over thinking this?
Am I over thinking this?
Posted in:
Kids
24 Replies
Yes, it’s off! Please sleep in your daughters room from now on, watch the, like hawks, and seek advice from Bravehearts. Do not allow them to be alone together, you need to be super vigilant. Even if nothing has ‘happened’ yet, he has tried something.
Do you have any idea the NZ equivalent? I am not in Australia.
Now I'm even more scared than I was..
No that's not innocent. You tell your daughter about body parts that noone is to touch. You set a rule for her that they're not in bed together and open door.
And you have a really good talk to him about what would happen if he's playing inappropriate games or touching with anyone, but definitely with her. And because it's step son you'll need parent to do that, but because it's your daughter you can and should be part of it and have your say as well.
Thanks, So do you think I should be speaking to his mum about it as he lives with her and 3 other siblings? And get her to talk with him? Unfortunately I don't think his dad will do this.
I will speak to my daughter again and re-read her Only For Me book that I got her
Thanks, So do you think I should be speaking to his mum about it as he lives with her and 3 other siblings? And get her to talk with him? Unfortunately I don't think his dad will do this.
I will speak to my daughter again and re-read her Only For Me book that I got her
Definitely speak to bravehearts or a similar child protection agency for the right advice. I would definitely tell mum, just for transparency in case anyone else has noticed anything or needs to be watching out and I'd be watching your daughter super carefully.
If I was you, I would go over house rules and expectations and safe touch, deliver it in a way that he is the child to be protected not a potential perp. But I'm no expert on it, I just feel that's the most tactful way of delivering the message really clearly. You can then go into what happens if someone does touch/ play/ coerce/ look/ etc (at him or hypothetically the 7 year old).
I know the Daniel Morcombe foundation has good lessons on body feelings and listening to your body, free online, maybe have a look there for resources as well.
It’s def off!! Keep them away from each other and you need to explain things to her. He is not to touch her in any way! Someone may have been doing these things to him. Don’t let on to him that you know because you will scare him but you need to be very weary of anyone in his life and take note of things. Do not dismiss anything. You are doing the right thing. Your gut tells you something is off then it is. Don’t let them be alone together. Sit her down and get the truth out of her without her knowing. Get her to draw a picture and ask her but make sure she knows she isn’t in trouble. This may not have been the first time. I’d say this kid has learnt this from someone in his life sadly.
I mean don’t let him know as in suss things out of him regarding people and gain his trust to tell you things slowly. Nothing may have happend but you need to know.
In Australia we have the Centre Against Sexual Assault who counsel victims of sexual abuse. Contact your equivalent organisation, they can point you in the right direction. This behaviour is definitely worrying and your daughter isn't safe.
Lucky you walked in when you did. Do not let this go! if you didn’t walk in then, his knows what could have happened to her.
God knows what would have happened to her! How scary for you.
Yep I am getting more and more scared reading these replies!!
My eyes are always open to anything like this with my kids. I have the strongest gut instinct and know when something is off with anyone. You will be more aware of everyone now and it pays to be. Always trust your gut and never trust anyone. This boy may think it’s normal if it’s happend to him. You need to tread carefully. Mum and dad will prob get their back up and stick up for him so he prepared. It’s their son and they won’t feel what you feel. They will most likely be in denial. Make sure you speak with your daughter before anyone. She doesn’t need anyone putting words in her head.
I wouldn't be able to live like that, constantly having to watch your own child in their own home so she doesn't get abused! No life to live for her or you. If Dad won't take this seriously I would be getting my own place. Every child has the right to feel safe in their own home.
He is only with us a few times a year so I am hoping we can sort this out as It will be super sad if he can't stay with us anymore and will probably split my partner and I up. But if that is the only way to keep her safe, so be it. Daughters safety is definitely #1 priority right now
The good thing is with the timing and the age difference, it should be quite easy to keep a close eye on them. Really they have no reason to be alone together, especially in bedrooms and bathrooms.
Also, I see his age as a positive. A lot changes for a kid in a year. He might have been slightly inappropriate, he might (hopefully) be innocent and not realising he's too old to be doing those kiddy games with a little girl anymore, but will by next time.
Best response.. you are putting your daughter first and always as any mother should. I know some who don’t. Good for you! You are an amazing mum.
I was sexually assaulted by my step brother when I was about 12 and he was 14. So it happens!
I knew at the time that this "game" of wrestling he forced me to play left me confused and uncomfortable, I just couldn't articulate why. As I got older and developed a better understanding of sex acts, I realised that wrestling doesn't involve groping private parts without permission, it doesn't involve erect penises and participants dont need to change their pants afterwards.
Get your daughter to speak with a professional just in case she doesn't actually understand what (if anything) took place.
The fact that your step son ran from the room like his ass was on fire is very telling though, he wouldn't do that if they were just innocently playing a game of gorillas. Whatever he was doing, he knew he shouldn't have been doing it - hence the guilty behaviour.
You need to bring it up with your partner, if he doesn't take this issue with the appropriate seriousness you need to get your baby out of that situation asap because it means your partner is also not a safe person to be around, just for the sheer fact he won't at least look into his sons behaviour.
Sorry that happened to you, thank you for writing this. I would never forgive myself if it happened and I hadn't done anything to stop it
I too was abused by 2 of my step Brothers I was 13 they were 15 & 18
I never spoke up as I thought my dad wouldn't believe me
Still to this day he doesn't know
I feel the hurt daily
It's a weight no one should bare
Don't allow this to happen
It's time to talk to your child about good and bad touching, and that if some one touches her no parts to tell mum. Then ask, has any one ever touched a no place
It's time to talk to your child about good and bad touching, and that if some one touches her no parts to tell mum. Then ask, has any one ever touched a no place
Is there An update here? How did the chat with his mum/dad go?
Something more is going on at least for the step son
This needs to be dealt with now do t leave it your daughter needs protection from her mum
Trust me it won't stop here it's just the beginning
They shouldn't be in bedroom nor the bed asking for trouble
Common areas only
No more playing those games