Parents: my partner and I have separated. Mutual and amicable honestly. But how do I deal with the resentment of the fact that im 'left' to deal with everything on my own? He can't have more than 15% custody due to his work and I know that he's not trying to be difficult or anything but I work full time as well and raising the kids on my own is exhausting and then I get resentful and it gets bitter cause he has the freedom to go out after work every night and only worry about getting himself sorted day to day. :(
10 Replies
Is he there at nights? He needs to have them more. Go for 50/50. There's definite benefits to having them more and being the real/only parent, it's a lot easier in a lot of ways. But it's also unfair, exhausting, and you'll find he moves on while you find it impossible to just stay on top.
He should have them more. He should organise care for the times he's at work, same as you & I do.
That's really tough. I can see why you get jealous/resentful. I would too. At least you can identify that within yourself and you're clearly working on it, which is a step in the right direction. Maybe consider talking to him and saying you'd like to do 50/50 custody, and in exchange have a wash with CS. This way he can find a job that will work with having the children more while also not having that extra expense. I'm just throwing out ideas. That's what my stepdad, and his Ex wife did in regards to my older brother and it worked out good in that way! They had him 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off, it worked out well for my brother!
Some parents seem to not be able to think that they can work and be a parent at the same time. My ex is like this too so is my partners ex. Will only have the kids on days off so they get to be the fun relaxed parent while the rest of us have to learn to juggle everything in the same day. Just make sure he's paying child support that reflects the level of care he has.
Exactly, and especially making it work after a divorce. He's a single parent he might need to cut down or change jobs to suitable hours for childcare.
And if you take it on, you're probably going to end up cutting down your hours to manage, keep that in mind.
If you weren’t able to have more care, he would honestly figure it out how to have the kids more.
How are his work commitments different from yours? Just so I don't feel compelled to say he should have the kids more 😂
But thats a tough one. How old are your kids? Because I can assure you, it will get easier as they get older and more independent. They will also look back as adults and know how friggen hard you worked while they were little a d what a juggle it was. When the kids are with their dad, make sure you do something for yourself to help you recharge before the juggle starts up again. Xx
I'm assuming he works away or something because you work FT too and aren't questioning his ability to have the kids more. But didn't you know that when you decided to separate?
To look after yourself though, get counselling, seek help from family and friends, cook in advance, consider getting a nanny occasionally [even a teenager near by to help with homework and play with them a bit 1 or 2 nights a week], relax on your non custodial weekend, get up 20 mins before you wake the kids mid week to have a coffee in peace, get the kids helping with chores.
You make him have them! He doesn’t get off of parenting. He does what you do and any other parent has to. You stipulate times and he works around then times. There is nothing stopping him having them after work, just as you do! He will have to work out a new work schedule like everyone else that has kids.
Not true. He might work away. He might be in an industry that requires him to leave for work at 4am and the options are start then or collect unemployment. He might have a job where he's on call and would need to leave them home alone with no warning. Mum isn't questioning that he can't have them more, so chances are there is a good reason for it
Have you been in this situation?
You cant make a parent be a parent, it’s that simple.