I’m miserable, things have usually been good with the normal rocky patches but this year it’s like he’s started gaslighting me / become a narcissist. He can do whatever he likes whenever but I ask for simple things and have to give all these reasons why only to be made to feel like my requests are unreasonable.
The kids are starting to feel the moods shift as well and avoid him as he yells at them quite a bit for silly things. We are all walking on eggshells on the daily and I’m crying in the shower almost every day.
I get he’s frustrated by whatever he rarely talks to me anyway, but I’m doing everything I can and I just can’t hold it together anymore.
I’m pretty certain I’ve checked out, I can’t go on like this forever. How do I tell him?
How do I leave?
How do I leave?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care
4 Replies
"Hey asshole, here's your suitcases, now GTFO"
Seriosuly though, if it's only started this years, something's obviously happened, whether it's a bad patch for you guys, someone else in the scene, depression, shitty job, whatever.
Have you spoken to him about how you're feeling? I'd be demanding counselling or a trial separation at least, to see if he's willing to work on it.
He was dx with depression early last year and is medicated. I’ve told him how I feel and said I feel like his emotional punching bag (never physical but all verbal) he got incredibly defensive and said I hope you haven’t said that phrase to anyone else they might take it the wrong way.
I’ve said his moods are off the charts but he just turns the blame back to me.
I should add he was like this before the dx - for years and years. Always super manipulative but I was just the door mat and let him.
I don’t want to be this person anymore.
(Same commenter) I'm so proud of you for recognising that this behaviour is abusive & you're not putting up with it any longer. It's so unhealthy for you and the kids. You shouldn't have to live this way.
Now, finances will seem to be your biggest obstacle. I don't know your situation, but if you're a SAHM, take yourself down to Centrelink and find out what you can claim & how to go about it.
There are lots of DV services that can offer help to get you started or point you in the right direction.
I really feel that you should be telling him to leave, it'll be easier on the kids if you don't have to uproot them.
Again, call the DV service for advice about how to go about this if you think he'll refuse.
Leaving / getting him out will be the hardest part. Because even if the coming months are a big struggle for you - and it will be, all breakups are hard - you're going to be in such a better frame of mind, you'll find strength you didn't evem know you had. Once that big barrier is over, your whole life will be so much happier and easier.
If you have family or friend support, it might be a good idea to send the kids away with them for a few days while you get the yucky part out of the road.