My partner is an alcoholic.. over the last 10 years we have had alot of fights over him being drunk and money. Now we have 4 children and im getting stressed about christmas and all the finances.
I found out he has been drinking on the drive home from work everyday and downs 6 pack before he gets home so it only looks like hes having a couple.. To me this is next level!! Drinking and driving 😡..
So my question is
Do i dob him into the police so they have him on there radar and he gets caught and hope it is a huge wake up call but risk f**k**g my life up more because ill have to drive him to work everyday while manageing the kids and having to take them all every morning at 5am..
Or
Do i leave it and hope he gets random breath tested.. And when he gets caught i wont hate myself if life gets ruff.
I love this man so much.. he has mental health problems and has become overweight as well so i want to support him and not leave but im starting to get sick of the bullshit.
12 Replies
Pack your shit up and leave to give him the wake up call. He’s going to kill someone innocent on the road if he keeps this up and spend life in prison.
Or .. you forgot the third option, he’ll kill someone or himself in a car accident. Leave, that might be a wake a call for him or it might not. Either way leave him because it sounds like you’re enabling him, if he loses his licence you’ll have to drive him to work? I don’t think so! You get the bus buddy!!!
Stop worrying about fixing your husband, the only person who can fix him is himself. And he’s shown he is not interested in being helped!! In fact he’s the type of person who is happy and selfish enough to drive, when he shouldn’t on a regular basis. It’s not even a ‘mistake’ it’s a thought through plan.
Focus on you and the kids! Are you honestly ok with your kids growing up in this environment? I wouldn’t be. They need to be your top priority. For what ever reason you decided to have kids with this guy despite his issues, now you have to minimise there exposure to the situation. The best way to do that is to leave him.
You leave him AND you dob him in to the police! If my family member was injured or killed because your husband was drink driving, I would consider you an accomplice if I found out you knew and didn’t report him.
How in good conscience can you just leave it knowing full well that he's not only a danger to himself but even worse, he's a danger to every other innocent road user that has the misfortune of passing him?
Your reasoning pisses me off a little bit too? You don't wanna make your life harder?! That's a poor excuse to look the other way! Not only that but your life would be a hell of a lot harder if he ended up dead or crippled, it would be a hell of a lot harder if he ended up on manslaughter charges and I bet anyone who's been affected by a drunk driver can probably tell you how hard their life has been as a result.
Him getting a random breatho is a best case scenario longshot. The reality is that he's going to continue driving around loaded until he gets caught, God only knows if and when that'll happen.
You wanna stay and support him, that's your prerogative but enabling this behaviour does him nor anyone else any favours.
Yes you give a tip off.
My partner lost his licence for a period of time for DD. I drove him nowhere. He wanted to go to work he organised a lift (no public transport here). He wanted takeaway he walked his ass down town. He wanted groceries he walked and carried them home.
Harsh lesson, sure. But he hasn't done it since.
My class at school had the life Ed van in recently. They were told about drinking and alcoholics. They were also told that the biggest deaths from alcoholics were people who hadn't drank a sip. Innocent victims of drunk drivers. Look at all the news stories. I just couldn't stand by knowing he's doing that.
In answer to your question, he's being deceptive to continue being an alcoholic instead of meeting the agreement for the family, so relationship wise it's over.
My Dad was an alcoholic. It was awful growing up with an alcoholic Dad. I wish my Mum made him leave years earlier, it would not of affected me so much. I was a teen who could not call my Dad to pick me up. Friends found him asleep behind the wheel in a car park.
He held a job, then would drink in the vast in the way home. He would hide empty bottles everywhere.
He was caught drink driving 3 times and lost his licence, had to go to AA and he never stopping drinking.
In the end he chose to leave rather than stop. He died a few years later of pneumonia. I didn't see him again since the day he left. It's traumatising.
Report him.
My dad grew up without a father because some selfish idiot like your husband was drunk, ran a red light and crashed into his father's car killing him. Left a wife and two little boys aged 5 and 6 behind. My dad is in his 60s now and it still effects him.
As a recovering alcoholic myself, suffering ptsd, anxiety and depression, I have never ever drove drunk or anywhere even close to drunk EVER. Stop making excuses for him. He is a selfish douche and he needs to hit rock bottom before he gives a stuff. If you care about him at all report him, then leave him and help him to get to the bottom as fast as possible.
I would and have reported it to police. Tell them what time he drives each arvo and where. - my ah got pulled over a few times and now is too scared to drink and drive.
Also do not drive him to work. You need to let him feel the consequences of his actions. You can’t help him.
I am married to an alcoholic and it gets worse
I’m a teacher. I see huge effects the trauma that alcoholic parents have on their children.
Perhaps the wake up call needed is you leaving. Please consider what is best for your kids. I can guarantee you the see this and are impacted.
Being an alcoholic is serious. I have mandatory reported twice this year because of something a child has said to me around an alcoholic parent. Please consider your children. I know you love your husband, a separation might not be forever, but he needs to sort himself out.
Good luck Mumma.
Mental illness and addict is no excuse to drink drive. He’s putting other innocent road users at risk by doing so.
As someone who is married to a recovering alcoholic it’s hard work and I learnt early on he had to want to get sober on his own and love and support is not always enough. I let it slide for a long time because he wasn’t an abusive drunk, he only drank at night after work and it never effected his job and he had enough sense to not drive or do anything else stupid while drinking. Almost 10 years in I ended up leaving with our children as I couldn’t do it anymore. We obviously stayed in contact because of our children and it took him several months but eventually he realised what he was losing and got his act together.
I’m definitely not saying this is how it will go down with every alcoholic, my husbands father was also an alcoholic and his mum left him thinking it might be the wake up called he needed but he never got sober and eventually succumbed to cirrhosis of the liver but either way you and your kids will be better off which ever way it goes.
Good luck.