EDIT: Sorry, I wrote this early in the morning after a sleepless night. I’ve made a couple of edits.
Hi mums. Bare with me, this is a long one…
This happened last night and it’s really eating me up. What would you do?
So I’m away on a trip with a large group for a child’s sporting event. The group is staying at the same hotel. Last night was the end of the event and all the parents got together at the restaurants outdoor bar and had dinner and drinks, while the kids all played together. Most parents sat at a large table together, and another group of parents sat at a table a bit further away.
My son (9) and 4 other children were playing in the playground. They were visible but you couldn’t hear what was happening. These kids are all young, years 2 & 3. So 7-10 years old.
Apparently the boys started to get carried away and bark was thrown, then one child dared another to give a third child a wet willie (where you wet your finger with saliva and stick it in someone’s ear) none of these children were my son. But he was there.
This child got upset and went and told his parents. The father, a large intimidating man, then went over to my son. He yelled at him, and it was something along the lines of ‘look here you fat C-word if you touch my kid again I’m going to shove my foot right up your ar$e.
I didn’t witness this but multiple children and an adult woman did. The lady told me it was vulgar and disgusting and not at all appropriate behaviour for an adult.
My son was terrified and quite distraught.
I got the stories off the kids and bystanders As I was being told from witnesses had happened the dad in question came over to me. Heavily intoxicated with very aggressive body language and I was absolutely terrified myself, but I stayed rational and calm and tried to have a conversation with him. I was scared, but I didn’t want to aggravate him at all, so let him talk.
He said quite a few things but to paraphrase it was something along the lines of ‘my son was being bullied, he’s never been bullied before what the f@&$ did you expect me to do’
I replied along the lines of ‘you speak to the kids rationally, or you come to the parents. you don’t threaten to assault small children’
He was in my face - ‘What the Fu@$ do you want me to do. What the F should I do’
I then told him he could apologise to my son as it wasn’t even him who did it, but even if it was, I would still expect an apology.
He tried(very gruffly and aggressively again) to apologise to my boy but he was terrified and distraught. He also asked me to tell him which child actually did the wet willie. I wouldn’t tell him, which upset him also.
I went back and joined the large table and shared the experience with some of the parents there. Many of them felt I should have called the police on the man, as it’s a grown man verbally assaulting a child, and assault is assault.
Anyways, the other kids played with my son in a different Area and calmed him down and the other table were cut off from drinks and I assume the father went back to the room because I didn’t see him again.
My partner (who had to stay home for work) is very upset and also asked if I contacted the police.
Did I do the wrong thing by not involving them? I am so torn by this! I didn’t sleep at all last night.
12 Replies
I'm not sure there is a role for the police now? I'd be concerned for his son though. How does he respond behind closed doors when his son does something wrong?
If it were my own child, I'd be doing what I needed to do to calm him down. I'd be reinforcing to the father that his behaviour was foul and telling him to stay away from my son rather than insisting he apologises again. I'd also be putting in a formal complaint to the sporting club/team/event organiser.
You should have called the police. That is disgusting.
Ring the police and see what you can do. Mostly for the safety of this man’s own kids. Very sick things to say.
I'd put a formal complaint into the sporting club and request this man never be within a set distance from your sons games. If his kid plays the same games then stiff shit, he can sit in the car and wait. His behaviour caused the consequence.
As for the police, nah, that's such a waste of their time. And the idiot that told you to potentially claim threatened sexual assault over it, well let's just say I'd steer a wide berth from that one too.
The sporting club can't make those rules. They can nan the family/man in general but they can't implement what is effectively a restraining order for another member
Of course they can.
They can't enforce it, but maybe knowing that everyone else knows is going to be enough of a deterrent for him to agree.
Make a report to club management and move on, ask any witnesses if they'd mind doing the same.
There's not much police can do at this point and please don't go saying he threatened sexual assault. His whole tirade was vile but anyone with half a brain knows that kind of comment is meant figuratively, not literally. That's pretty vindictive of that other parent to suggest a sexual threat and it kind of makes a mockery of real sexual assault victims.
I think your only mistake was expecting to have any kind of positive outcome or sincere apology from an aggressive, (probably drunk) grown man who just called a child a fat cunt.
I personally would have just removed my child from the situation, comforted my child, then I'd have had a word with hotel management or security.
If I knew the dad from my kids team, I'd have had a private word with him over the following days after he'd sobered up and calmed down.
If he was a dad from another team that I didn't know, I'd just chalk it up to one of those shitty interactions you inevitably have in life from time to time.
I would 100% make a complaint to the club, the organisers of the event and even the hotel though! As someone who's worked in hotels, we want to know about any unpleasant experiences like this and we definitely want to be aware of potentially problematic guests. Kids sporting clubs generally don't want to be associated with asshole sideline parents either.
Agreed.
I think you did right and I'd put a formal complaint in to the club, make sure you detail the incident, the witnesses and that this man needs a formal warning not to interact with other people's kids because if it happens again you will follow up and involve police.
A grown man has made a violent threat towards your child, this is not okay. If this was me I would 100% call the police and report.
Go to the police and definitely get cctv footage from the hotel