Almost 2 years ago I found out my now ex husband cheated on me.He did it with a complete stranger, would sneek out at night time to see her while I was sleeping after being exhausted looking after a newborn and toddler. The relationship ended when I found out and I pushed for the divorce. He still wants to get back together and takes full ownership of everything he did. There was also a lot of crap he and his mother pulled when I kicked him out (those things alone were enough to leave him regardless of the cheating) Anyways its been 2 years and I often think I still love him plus I am still physically attracted to him.
I know I can never be with him, nor do I ever want to. I have continued to receive counseling to get over what happened, but I wonder if you ever get over the father of your children. He was also my one and only. I have been on a few dates with a couple of men, one who I really connected with but unfortunately it didn’t go anywhere. I don’t know if finding someone else is what I need to get over him. I cant cut off all contact with him either as we are very good at co parenting our kids. Our kids were so little when we split and we often take them out together so they have memories of there family being together. It makes life easier for the kids that we get along so well.
Do you ever stop loving your kids dad?
Do you ever stop loving your kids dad?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
8 Replies
Don't confuse loneliness with love! You have witnessed his worst, he was able to cheat on you multiple times while you were at home with a toddler and baby and then made life difficult for you, ganging up on you with his mother. Don't ever forget that. I thought my ex had changed too and I stupidly took him back only to go through all the same bullshit a second time, traumatising myself and our kids as went through another break up. Yes, you do definitely stop loving the father of your children, you have to remind yourself why you're not together now.
I think it’s more an issue that it’s your first.
I had more trouble getting over my first than any other breakup.
Recovering from cheating is really hard, it shakes your confidence and if you have no practice at dating that makes it even harder.
It takes time, there is no hurry, but I don’t think playing happy families with the kids is helping you. It’s great that you are putting them first, BUT, you have to find away to not let that take you into what if territory.
You will get over him once you are happy within yourself. You will also get over him when you meet someone who treats you with respect like you deserve.
Yes and without getting into another relationship.
Takes time lovely x
Oh god yes. You'll get over him. You'll see him and be repulsed. You don't have to get along with him, that's not something you do for the kids. Playing him up is not in your or their best interest. You take great care of yourself, that's in your best interest. If he acts right, then have a respectful relationship, but I don't imagine underneath there's any trust or good feelings there and it's not your job to fake it. Maybe letting yourself feel it will help you get there and move on. Stop acting that he's great, and convincing everyone else he is, he definitely isn't.
Sounds tO me like you don't love him. You love the idea of a happy, nuclear family.
My husband left me completely out of the blue. (Was cheating). I was absolutely heartbroken. 5 years later & im repulsed by him!
Hearing what you say reminds me of my first love, I didn't have kids with him, but I think about him all the time. I also would never ever dream of getting back together with him. Its been over 10 years and I still think of him from time to time.
I think sometimes when our brains are subjected to so much trauma as a defense mechanism we hold on to good feelings the relationship once gave us. Sort of like child birth lol.
I'm not a professional or anything, but I'm so sure that's what my brain does sometimes!