My husband (of 17 years) has been unhappy for a while, he’s been avoiding me for a long time because he says I am not providing enough affection to meet his needs. It’s true in a way, as I’m on high dose antidepressants and suffering a lot right now with my mental health. We are just not in love any more, but in my mind that’s just part of living with someone, you have ups and downs.
I know I’m not providing what he needs, but I can’t seem to push myself to give more. So, I think we will separate. But this brings problems too - we have a 14 year old who will stay with me - we haven’t discussed this but I’m working from home so it makes sense. I make more than double the salary than he does, so not sure how he will manage to find a place to live on his salary. My questions are:
- what do you do financially - should I get a different bank account - we have a joint account
- how do you explain to a 14 year old what’s happening
- has anyone separated and got back together?
I just can’t wrap my head around this, any advice really appreciated
2 Replies
Why would you get back together with someone that couldn't try now? This is the time to try, put in the effort it requires to make it work. If you can't then you should be single anyway. Who knows, it may be the change you need to help your depression as well.
If you are hoping to get back together I'd be working on your libido. It's not really fair to expect him to go without sex if that's a need of his, it's unrealistic to just expect him to be ok with it and then get back together with you later. If you split up he'll probably find someone else in the meantime. Instead of breaking up over this, go to the doctor and get suggestions on how to be more affectionate and give him what he needs. Maybe set several reminders on your calendar when to just do it. Even if you don't feel like it. The more you do it, the more you'll feel like it hopefully. Being single is HARD. It's so hard never having help and made my depression so much worse. I agree with the above poster, now is the time to try.