Hi Sisterhood!
I need some advice/understanding.
I’ve been separated from my ex for over 13 years due to significant DV. It’s been ongoing ever since we separated. The control and manipulation just never ends and I don’t know what to do anymore. Both our children are now teenagers. He sees one of our children every second weekend. The other one has chosen to stay full time with me due to being subjected to the violence themselves.
We can’t co-parent. It doesn’t work. If I include him in any parenting conversations about the children’s behaviour he blames me for everything then either calls the police or makes a child safety notification. If I don’t communicate with him he claims I’m breaching the court orders but not keeping him informed. I keep him informed of everything I legally have to. He claims to not get the emails. I’m already engaged with my local FDV service but they have limited support available and I’m lucky to get a counselling appointment once every 3 months. I also have a mental health care plan to see a psychologist regularly but I can no longer afford the gap payment.
When does it end? I’m so exhausted. I do everything for the children, pay for everything, drive them everywhere, support all their activities. He doesn’t do any of this. Every couple of weeks I get contacted by child safety or FACC because someone has made a notification against me. They have all been unsubstantiated but the stress is becoming too much to handle. At what point do these services realise these are malicious reports and are part of the domestic violence?
I would appreciate any tips of things I can do to stop being so affected by this. Thanks
4 Replies
I don't have any answers for you, but just wanted to send hugs and support. You are one top mum!
Thankyou. Hugs and support help too lol
If you are in Nsw ( not sure about other states) look into a mental health plan called bomh ( better outcome to mental health). It provides the sessions fully bulk billed with no gap fee. Sending hugs. I have been there but sadly have no answers as I never could get it to stop either.
Hello. You need to go back to court as the court order isn’t working and this is becoming detrimental to your mental health. Contact your solicitor and discuss the matter. The court order is meant to keep you safe as well as your child. Document everything! Put the notifications on emails that show they have been read, keep a diary and note dates times of messages sent and received. I would suggest you also speak to the police and the DV Police officers involved because this is harassment.you need to involve the police for your own safety, Coercive control and threats should be not be tolerated. He sounds like a bitter individual and it sounds like the DV is ongoing despite you being away from him. Don’t let him see that this is getting to you he will thrive on that!