Hi I’m currently 16 wks pregnant so I think that’s contributed to my hormones being out of control.
My partner and his mates send each other XXX content and i voiced my concerns about how it makes me feel insecure so he’s stopped that and deleted a Facebook group that is dedicated to men sharing XXX content.
I have recently become aware that he has pics of other women he’s seen online screenshotted and saved to his phones camera roll. He can’t give me a straight answer as to why he’s done it.
I feel sick and this has increased my insecurities and makes me feel like I’m not enough. He has a wandering eye and there’s always something better and he doesn’t really love me as much as he claims that he does.
Has anyone else experienced anything similar? How have you moved past it or gotten through it?
Insecurities
Insecurities
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
I also want to add that he’s never been one to be overly affectionate with me since we got together (he’s more affectionate to the cats) until recently (last week or two) when we started having problems and I wanted to breakup with him.
I wrote a lovely long response below. But based on this info, follow up on the breakup.
You deserve so much better than this and you’ve hitched your wagon to a guy with an unhealthy attitude to women and affection/sex
Ugh, I’m sorry you are going through this.
First, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your partner is being gross and obviously mixes with gross men and it’s not you that’s the problem here. Not all men behave this way, despite what some men say.
A lot of women would not be ok with his behaviour. For some people (like me) this would be a big red flag waving in my face that I was with a grade A asshole, and I’d be rethinking the relationship.
It’s disrespectful to you, it’s disrespectful to the women he is screenshot pics of (btw I’ve been on the receiving end of this, a pic with my grandma was screen shot, so he could zoom in to see my cleavage better).
He knows why he screen shot those images. He wanted material for his spank bank, he just doesn’t want to say it.
He maybe open to change he might not be. The deleting the Facebook group gives me hope, but I’m not going to pretend it’s going to be easy. Personally I think I’d give ehome a chance, like the next 12 months to see if he can re-educate himself, but I’d be building up my confidence so high, and working on my exit plan as you do so, because you deserve to be treated well, be respected and don’t allow yourself to be emotionally defeated by his behaviour.
He's made efforts to improve, I think that should be acknowledged when thinking of separation. He wants to be better and that's a good sign. It's not worth throwing away a relationship with a child involved over a few dirty pictures. If he hadn't made any effort to improve for you then I would say don't waste your time but while he's making an effort it's worth the wait to see if he's for real or not. If he hasn't been really affectionate right from the start then that's obviously something you were OK with from the start or the relationship wouldn't be where it is today - practically married with a baby on the way. I personally think it's unfair to ask someone to change that at this stage, some people are comfortable with affection and others aren't.
Only you know his intent. How far it will go. What it all means etc .
If this were my husband it would be genuinely harmless. I have no issue with this but that's my relationship as my trust is 100%.
But its not the same for everybody. If he has a wandering eye, its not uncommon. Lots of men do. Including my own man. Its a look but don't touch policy. We all stop and look at eye candy. Again, its the intent behind it. It just depends what he does with that wandering eye. And his history, if any, is a good indicator of current intent. Know the difference though as an over reaction can destroy a relationship.
Before I say this I want to say that I've been through this, got past this and know how hard it is.
Your insecurities are not his fault now don't get angry at that, just read on and you'll see what I mean. You are feeling like this because you don't feel that you are enough or you don't trust him or both and perhaps some other things mixed in. You should feel enough and secure in your relationship regardless of pictures of other girls or girls on social media.
ONE way to fix what YOU feel is therapy and working on yourself (on the inside).
As for your partner he 100% should be helping with this, open phone policy is one idea - instead of being worried about what's on it this helps to build the trust. So knowing his password to his phone and being able to use it to play a game or make a phone call. He also needs to trust that you aren't going to go snooping through his phone, not saying you are.
The problems with your partner are about trust, trust that he will stand by you, not flirt with other girls or basically do anything he shouldn't and show his love for you, your body and your family. He also needs to be able to trust you and that you aren't going to get mad at him for liking a picture on instagram.
Again I've been there and since going into other relationships since that one I realised that it's a lot easier to trust someone when you are secure within yourself.
You need to have a conversation and talk about it, you need to tell him this is what I need [and not what he can't do anymore but what can he do for you in the relationship]. Do you need more compliments, do you need to be told he loves you more. Whatever your love language is you may need more of it. But it also needs to come from within.
Start looking at what he IS doing for you in your relationship, does he fulfil your relationship needs? Does he make an effort?
There is a reason you don't feel like you are enough and even if he has something to do with it, you need to build yourself up to a point where you will feel enough in any relationship.
Good luck